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“Don’t be. It’s for the best.”
The urge to wrap her arms around him and place her head against his tense back and offer solace rose with such strength she had to fight it to remain where she stood. “Have the boys been told?”
“Not yet. She’ll speak with them about it in the morning.”
Eddy didn’t know what else to say, but wanted to offer whatever she could to help him sort things through. “I’ve a shoulder to lend if you need one.”
Sylvie called from inside, “Eddy, I’m ready.”
Eddy felt torn.
He turned and met her eyes in the moonlit darkness. “Go on home, little queen. I’ll be fine.”
She nodded reluctantly and went inside.
On the drive back to the saloon Rhine wasn’t fine by any definition of the word, but there was nothing he could do about it. Mary’s news had left him reeling even though he knew the day would come, but he hadn’t had enough games of marbles with the boys or flying kites or answering their endless questions, and selfishly he wanted more time. The young childless couple were members of the Sacramento church that had adopted the orphanage, and from what Mary learned from the wires she and the pastor had passed back and forth, they were fine upstanding people. They’d take the train down this weekend to visit, and if things went well, she would set the adoption process in motion. Even though he was glad they’d have a second chance, that chance wouldn’t be with him, and because it wouldn’t, sorrow rode him. Logically, he understood the state wanting them placed with people of their own race but his heart didn’t believe that should be the only measuring stick. What about caring and commitment? Admittedly, he knew next to nothing about child-raising, but he and the twins could have learned along the way. Maybe sometime in the future similar situations would be measured differently, but today in 1870, he’d be losing his boys.
His thoughts moved to Eddy. When she stepped out onto the porch, he’d wanted to ease her into his arms and hold her close in the hope it might salve his broken heart. During slavery, he’d been expected to absorb the daily slights and ill treatment as if he were made of wood, and he supposed he’d carried the mask he’d learned to hide his emotions behind to this day. But knowing the boys would be leaving his life forever made the mask slip, and he had no one to help him dull the pain—no mother, wife, or lover. During his conversation with her on Monday morning, she’d spoken about being left behind with a broken heart when he moved on to someone more suitable. Now that Christian and Micah were leaving him behind, he truly understood her words. As he’d noted before, the decision to cross the color line had allowed him to reap many benefits, but it had cost him, too, and this time that decision would haunt him for the rest of his life.
