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Hmmm. Firing the entire HR department may be the better idea …
I drafted an email to let the department know that they were no longer needed, but I eventually deleted my words and typed some for Joseph Jewell instead.
SUBJECT: RE: OFFICIAL Board Vote and Remainder of Replacement Interviews
Mr. Jewell,
Unless you and the other board members are discussing the ways that you all are planning to leave and finally let me run the company the way I want to, I couldn’t care less about your discussions or your thoughts about me.
I have no desire to sit in on any interviews until someone gets a perfect score, and when I do look in the mirror today, it won’t be to realize that I’m “100% replaceable.” It’ll be to remind myself that I’m the CEO and not you. (Oh, and that your wife blushes at this face whenever she sees me.)
I’m not in the office today, and for the umpteenth time: I don’t need to drink coffee to know how to sell it.
CEO of this company (not you),
Pier Autumn Coffee
Sean Holmes
P.S.?No offense taken. I miss not having to answer to a power hungry, blood-thirsty board.
MY PHONE RANG WITHIN minutes of pressing send on that email, but I hit ignore. Three times for each of his unwanted calls.
I started to turn off my phone for the day, but it buzzed with a new email from him.
SUBJECT: RE: RE: OFFICIAL Board Vote and Remainder of Replacement Interviews
Mr. Holmes,
Let’s start over and be a little more mature, shall we?
As of today, one applicant for the marketing executive position has scored a perfect 100/100. That interview will be Thursday at 8:00 a.m. Will you be there?
Chairman of the Board,
Pier Autumn Coffee
Joseph Jewell
I hesitated to answer. Since I’d taken over, no applicant in any department earned a perfect score. I’d honestly thought that by setting the bar that high, that I would get out of coming into the office for an entire month.
THEN AGAIN, IF WE COULD finally land a good marketing director that’ll be the start of me finally changing things around…
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: Official Board Vote and Remainder of Replacement Interviews
Fair enough.
Change the time to 7:00 a.m. I want to meet this applicant personally.
CEO, Pier Autumn Coffee
Sean Holmes
the sleepless nights
Kate
“IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH to be a part of our executive team, here is where you’ll spend most of your Fridays.” The tour guide ushered us into the fiftieth room of the day.
I stifled a yawn as he walked us over to a mock café, and I struggled to keep my eyes open. I’d barely slept since I’d arrived in Seattle, and I was on edge the moment I received the “You’ve been granted and interview” email. I’d downloaded every shareholders’ report, scoured every previous marketing campaign, and watched every commercial the company had ever done over the past several years.
The only thing I didn’t do was look up any news or notes on the CEO. The words “company restructuring” always meant that the CEO could be here today and gone tomorrow. Besides, I preferred to make my own impression of him (or her) when I came in for interviews.
There were fifteen of us vying for the marketing executive slot, and I could tell from the guys’ custom leather shoes and the girls’ Hermes and Birkin bags that they’d all hailed from lucrative Wall Street and hedge fund firms. Places with millions of dollars at their disposal.
As the guide led us into a sleek, great theater room, the “place where you can come get inspired by any movie whenever you need it,” my phone buzzed in my purse.
A text message from Sarah Kay.
Sarah Kay: Hey! Sorry I missed your call the other night. I wired you a couple thousand dollars and express-shipped you a suit and a pair of shoes. (Couldn’t find a decent bag in time, though) Please tell me it arrived before your interview?
Me: It did. Thank you so much. *Again*. (I’ll pay you back for everything someday, I swear.)
Sarah Kay: Don’t worry about it. I hope Seattle works out better for you. (I miss you so much it hurts. You know that, right?)
Me: I hope so, too. (Yes…more than you’ll ever know)
“Um, Miss?” The tour guide’s voice made me look up. “No cell phones are allowed during the tour and interview process. Please turn it off or I’ll be forced to have security escort you from the building.”
“Sorry.” I turned it off and tossed it into my bag. I followed the group through another room and tried to pay attention.
As we entered a hallway that was encased in frosted glass, I couldn’t help but stare at the faint designs that were cut inside the panels.
There were perfectly painted pine trees and a lake I knew all too well?Lake Tahoe. The winding roads were hand drawn under the sloping mountains, and I could make out the faint sketch of Edgewood’s Ferris Wheel. Far in the distance, in the upper right corner, were the haunting shadows that undoubtedly belonged to the Kensington Estate.
