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Her voice was barely above a whisper. “Can’t we just keep things the way they are?”
“I don’t know if I can,” he said. He was crossing her line and forcing them to a breaking point, but he didn’t have a choice. “Not without knowing we’ll move forward one day. I want your full commitment. The promise of your every morning and every night, for the rest of our lives. We want so many of the same things out of life, and I want us to do them together.”
“It’s not that easy. Marriage isn’t that easy.”
“It doesn’t have to be easy for me to want it. To want you.”
She gripped her hands tightly in front of her. “It just won’t work. You don’t understand.”
“Help me then. I’m trying to understand, but I can’t with this wall between us.”
Jeni closed her eyes for a moment. “I built it for a reason.”
“You built it based on one bad experience. And I hate that you had to go through that, but I’m not Jackson.” Saying his name angered Logan every single time, and his voice rose in frustration. “We’re not the same. Stop punishing me for his sins. I’m a different man, and I deserve a chance. I deserve a commitment from the woman who loves me. I deserve your trust that I’d never choose anything else above you. You’re the most important thing to me.”
“I can’t.” She pressed her hands to her stomach. “You’ll hate me.”
“How could I hate the woman I want to spend every second of my life with? I want to marry you and have children with you. I want us to have a family and build a life together.”
Tears streamed down her face. “That’s exactly why you’ll hate me,” she said, her voice breaking. “I can’t give you children, and you’ll hate me for it.”
Logan stilled, his eyes widening. “What?”
She swiped at her cheeks. “After my car accident, there were complications from internal bleeding. They had to decide during surgery and did a full hysterectomy. I woke up to the news that I’ll never have children. Jackson knew that when we got married, and he promised me he didn’t care. That he never really wanted kids anyway. But after a few years, he started making comments like ‘look how happy that family is’ or ‘I wish I had a son to pass the farm down to someday.’ I know that’s one of the reasons he started to resent me, in addition to my resistance to farm life. He hated me for it in the end, and you will too. Eventually.”
Logan blinked, and his legs suddenly went numb. He went to both knees, stunned by the information.
She shook her head. “See? I knew it would be a dealbreaker. It always will be.”
Jeni walked around him, but he caught her hand and stood.
“Whoa, hang on. You can’t just leave. I’m surprised is all. You can’t drop something so significant on me and expect me to just move on right away. Just…” He scrubbed his other hand down his face. “Give me a second.”
She yanked her hand back and stepped onto the porch, reaching for the door. “I’m not going to stand here and watch as you realize I’m broken and can never make you a father. That I’m not enough for what you need and I can’t give you the life you want. I knew this would happen. I tried to stop it from the very start, but you wouldn’t listen. You wouldn’t stay away. My heart is already breaking. Just leave, Logan, and let it go.”
He stared at her, realization hitting him with a shock, like he’d taken a nosedive into ice-cold water.
“You don’t know me at all, do you?” His voice was nearly a whisper.
“What are you talking about?”
“You really think that I, of all people, don’t count a family as one that includes kids from foster care or adoption?” He grimaced with pain from the knowledge that she wouldn’t fight for him. For them. Not even a little. “That’s the kind of family I want more than anything. The only thing that’s brought me any healing is starting Fostering Sweet Dreams and hearing how much fun the kids have at football games. If you think being with you and spending our lives surrounded by kids in the system isn’t something I want, you’re gravely mistaken.”
Jeni simply stood there, her expression tight.
Unbelievable.
“I’m done,” he said. “I won’t try to convince you anymore. I’ve said everything I possibly could to show you that I want to be with you and only you. But apparently you don’t feel the same.”
His mom’s words were in the back of his mind. He had to stand up for what he wanted and what he needed.
“I’ve always had a hard time believing I’m enough. But I know I deserve better than this. I want a woman who would put me first, just like I would you. Like I have. I can see now you’re not that person. Like you said, you’ve made that very clear. I was just too blind to see it.”
