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“I’m not asking you to marry me tomorrow,” Logan said. “Can’t we just have a normal relationship? Go on dates, mess around a lot, and see where it goes?”
“We can. But I need to know you’re okay with knowing it won’t go beyond that.”
“Beyond what, exactly?”
“Casual dating.”
“How casual? I’m not okay with you seeing other guys.” His expression turned hard, and it sent a thrill through her.
“Oh, hell no, we’re not seeing other people. While we’re doing this thing anyway.”
He relaxed. “So, you say you don’t want to get married again, but you’re willing to date me for an undetermined amount of time? No end date?”
“That’s correct.”
“You realize I could easily do that for the rest of my life, right? Date you?” He grabbed her hand and threaded their fingers together. “When we’re ninety years old and still dating, it won’t be any different than if we’d gotten married.”
“There are fewer restrictions this way,” she said. “More options and less pressure—for both of us—when life changes. And it will, at some point. I’m not saying I won’t choose you when something comes up. I just don’t like the fact that marriage takes that choice out of the equation. The same would be true for you if you ever wanted something different.”
It sounded terrible when she said it out loud, but she didn’t know how else to do it. There needed to be an easy way out when one of them wanted to end things. Even if he didn’t know it yet, it would probably be him.
He traced his thumb along the back of her hand. He frowned slightly, his eyes on their entwined fingers. “You already contradict your argument, you know.”
She stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“You live for caring for other people, and you’ll go out of your way to do it. Look at Andrew and the way you take off work to go to every single chemo and oncologist appointment. And your job. You think you can foster and adopt kids without adjusting your life for them? Hell no. But you’ll do it, sometimes gladly and sometimes not, because you love them. It’s the same in a relationship.”
His thumb kept moving, and she focused on the light touch brushing her skin. Her immediate reaction was to resist. Push against his words and deny them. But if the time apart from Logan had taught her anything, it was that she wanted to be a little more open-minded. Agreeing to date him—sort of—was her first attempt at that.
“You’re right,” she mumbled, a little hesitantly.
His thumb stopped. “Come again? I don’t think I heard you.”
Jeni bumped his shoulder with hers. “I mean it. I see your point. But that doesn’t erase everything that happened to me or my concerns about future relationships. I still need to do it this way. Slowly and without obligation. For now.”
She waited, terrified that he’d say he wasn’t okay with doing it this way. She wouldn’t blame him, but she desperately hoped he’d agree.
Logan sighed deeply and pressed her knuckles to his lips. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“We’ll try it your way.” He shot her a slightly annoyed look. “I don’t really like it. But at this point, I’ll take whatever you give me, Jeni. Even if you’re just offering yourself one day at a time. Just promise me that until the day this ends—and I’m not convinced that day will ever come—I have all of you. All your thoughts, your desires, and your fears.”
“Fine. But what about these?” She pointed to her lips.
“Definitely your kisses.”
Jeni smiled and leaned over to give him one. One turned into two, and two turned into ten, and they spent the rest of the game wrapped up in each other.
It was only when she sat on the couch and Logan was in her kitchen doing her dishes—what man willingly did dishes?—that fear settled back in.
One day at a time.
She could do that. She just had to live in the here and now and not worry about what would happen later.
Despite what Logan thought, that day most certainly would come.
* * *
