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“So will I. Do you love football, good beer, and tacos?”
“Sure. Right now, I do. But I can’t say I always will. What happens then?”
“Then I wouldn’t give a flying fuck. I’d quit my job, be sober, and boycott Mexican cuisine. You’re more important to me than those things.”
“Stop making good points. I’m not changing my mind.”
Logan balled up his fists. “You’re the most stubborn woman.”
“I know you don’t see it, but I’m thinking of you too. It’s not just about meeting my needs, Logan. What about you? What if I can’t give you everything you wanted out of life?”
“What could I possibly want that you couldn’t give me?” He was at a loss.
Jeni blinked and looked at him for so long, he thought maybe she hadn’t heard him.
He waited for several heartbeats, something in his gut telling him maybe this was dangerous territory. “Jeni?”
Then a single tear slipped from the corner of her eye. Then another and another. She tucked her lower lip into her mouth and looked away.
Logan’s heart seized up, and he immediately scooted closer and put an arm around her. “What’s going on?”
Her shoulders shook, the tears coming in earnest. A few sounds came out like she tried to speak, but each word fractured on a sob.
“I’m sorry,” he said, feeling helpless. He had no idea what to do or what he’d said that drove her to instant tears. “Jeni, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She’d bowed her head but tilted it up now to look at him. Her tear-stained cheeks and the pain in her eyes was a jagged knife right into his heart. What the hell was going on?
“I—” she started and then cried even harder. She put her head in her hands.
Logan rubbed his hand up and down her back. He was desperate to know what had sparked such emotion but hated seeing her like this. He didn’t know how to make it stop. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything now. We can talk about it later, okay?”
She sniffed and nodded, leaning into him heavily.
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
Jeni hiccupped and seemed to attempt a deep breath before getting the halted words “not you” out.
He leaned back against the couch, pulling her with him to lay across his chest. It took a long time for her tears to abate, but he wasn’t in a hurry. If anything, he’d relish these minutes she let him hold her in his arms. Because if what just happened told him anything, it was that she was seriously hurting and something about it made her believe they could never be together long term.
Logan kissed the top of her head, drowning in her a little more. Knowing what he was doing to himself.
It hurt to be with her knowing she didn’t think it would last.
But it would hurt more to never have her at all.
