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“I wanted community,” Timothy said. “I wanted a home.”
“We found it in Italy.”
Her brother covered the bowl with the towel and laid the length of bandage beside it. “You found it in Italy.” He turned to her, arms crossed, where Alwyn had stood and loomed.
“You adored Italy. You were happy there. Having said that, you would be happy in a ditch,” Tabitha groused. “You would befriend every rock and root around you.”
“You make that sound like a bad thing.”
Tabitha’s pulse stuttered with unease. “You had only to say, Timothy—”
“To say what? When you had already displaced yourself for my sake? It was all for my sake.”
“And I would do it again.” The first stirrings of real anger set in and drove out the fear.
“So you have.” Timothy smirked. “Here we are in England, and you are furious about it.”
“I am not furious!” she shouted; any other time this would have sent them into hysterics, but not now, not tonight.
“For the love of Venus,” Timothy hissed, “admit to a true feeling for once in your life.”
“I have feelings. I have feelings all the time.” How she wished she could get up and pace or, better, leave. “I simply choose not to flail them all over the place. They are private and—”
“Private even from the man you love? Don’t even think to deny it, for it is written all over your face,” Timothy said. “Does he know you love him? You took on that vile woman whose strength exceeds yours exponentially and did it for he who loves you. You do know that he loves you?”
“You have no way of knowing.” But was it true?
Timothy ran a hand over his face, impatient. “He named you hisconiunctio.”
Her heart contracted in her chest. From fear? Or longing? “He did not, he merely mentioned the concept in, in passing.”
Her brother ignored her feeble equivocation. “It is Latin, as mostversipellianterms are. At face value, it meansconjunction, as it applies to verbs. Its deeper meaning,” Timothy’s voice shook as he continued, “comes from medieval alchemy and speaks to the ultimate union of souls. Of the perfection of balance as well as the perpetual adjustments required to sustain it. It is the paradox of two unlike elements combining to make something greater than themselves.”
No, no, now was not the time for this. “There is the lady villain to be dealt with, and then…”
“And then? What will your excuse be after that? Will it be that your poor little brother is back in England where it is not safe for him to love as he wishes? I will not allow you to use my nature to keep yourself shackled to me, to both our detriment.”
“Tim.” She was appalled, and frightened, and numberless other things her brother would not believe she was feeling. “I would never use your nature against you.”
“Then I suggest you accord the same privilege to the duke.”
He left her there, in that blasted chair, with the fire and her thoughts, her chaotic, stunned thoughts, for company.
Twenty
The very next day, the village green teemed with pack members delirious in anticipation of the arrival of the prince regent. Tabitha’s seat on the boulder beneath the chestnut tree provided her with a view of the entire landscape: Mary Mossett was practicing her curtsying to a hydrangea, and a cheeky clowder of footmen was winding up the stable lads, who in turn gave as good as they got. The artisans of Lowell Close had set up displays of their accomplishments in front of their shops, and several of the workers on the home farm walked through the crowd, offering their wares: Mr. Giles offered samples from a tray of cheese, and Mr. Beckett handed out tiny pieces of honeycomb.
Mr. Coburn and Mrs. Birks directed the more dutiful footmen in setting out a massive tea service, should anyone be in dire need of a cuppa, with Felicity overseeing the laying of the table. The Duke of Lowell moved throughout the crowd easily, openly, speaking with one and all and, Tabitha suspected, dispensing his strength for the good of his pack. Never far behind, especially as O’Mara was still among the missing, Mr. Bates stood at his Alpha’s shoulder and seemed to be scanning the gathering…for danger? Or for a certainversipellianmodiste who had arrived that morning?
This was why she did not truck with exclusive lovers, or suitors, or any of it. She would hazard a guess that many of her lady clients had come to her not with a malaise of the body but of the heart. Her tonics were effective in giving the women ease in terms of their sleepless nights, her facial lotions went some way to soothe cheeks raw from endless tears, but they had not come to her for practical advice, rather for a willing ear… Or for someone to tell them what they wanted to hear. How close she was to such a precipice.
Had she not fallen into one? An evening of arguing had led to another sleepless night, and the cool cover of her brooding place did little to soothe her. Harsh words had been exchanged, but there was truth to them; no one knew better than she what relief there was to be had once an injury was cleaned and bound.
She’d had plenty of time to think on what was said. Tabitha behaved like a good patient: she did as she knew she must and left her ankle alone, replacing the poultice when it was necessary. She wrapped up in a blanket and stayed in the chair, the lesser of two evils when compared to attempting the stairs to her bedroom.
There was always the sofa, but she wanted Timothy to have the cottage to himself.
How long had her brother carried those wounds? At least since Rotterdam, or else he had done her the courtesy of not listing every country they’d visited, every single city and town they’d traveled through.
