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“Please, Lena,” he says, shaking his head as his thumb runs across my bottom lip, left to right, and back to the center, resting there, pressing my lips together. “Not today. Let me have this moment, you, what just happened. I have a lot to deal with right now, and I need something good to hold on to.”
I resign to him, his plea one I cannot refuse. “Okay.”
His mischievous grin appears before brushing his lips to mine. “Thank you for coming.” He smirks and winks.
“Massimo,” I pause but decide against saying anything further because he’s asked me to wait. “Never mind.”
At that moment, the door opens, and we both turn our heads. “Massimo, why don’t you answer—” his sister Stella says as she’s entering the office. She stops short when her eyes land on me.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Stella demands, glaring at me. If looks could kill, I’d be dead.
Stella looks as beautiful as I remember. She and Massimo share the same lips, nose, and thick black hair, but she has striking round blue eyes like their mother, and her olive skin is always darkly tanned.
She and I spent a lot of time together before I left, and she was excited that I was marrying Massimo. She told me I was the sister she always wanted. I’m sure she feels betrayed by what I did and is angry with me for leaving not just Massimo, but her too.
Before I can answer, Massimo says, “She’s here with me because I asked her to be.” He tightens his arm around me, claiming me.
“Really, after everything she pulled? You just let her waltz back into our lives?”
“My life,” he asserts. “And who I choose to be in my life is my decision. Stay the fuck out of it.”
“Whatever. If you would’ve answered your phone, I wouldn’t have come here and seen this bullshit.” She gestures her hand in an up-and-down manner. “We need you at the house. Anthony from the funeral home is on his way.” She storms out of the office, slamming the door behind her.
“I should go,” I say.
“Yeah, I need to leave too. Where’s your phone?”
“My pockabook.”
He lets go of me, picks up my purse from the couch, and sticks his hand inside, searching for my phone. Once he has it in his hands, he slides the unlock feature and starts dialing. Moments later, his phone rings. After ending the call, he hands it to me with my bag.
I look at my phone’s screen, Massimo’s number in the most recent call slot. “You still have the same phone number,” I whisper, lifting my eyes to his.
“I never changed it in hopes that one day you would call me.” His revelation stings, another reminder of what a terrible person I am.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter.
“I gotta go,” he says. “I’ll text you when I have details about the service. I want you there.”
“Is that a good idea, after the way Stella reacted?”
“Let me deal with that.”
“Okay.” After what just happened, I want to kiss him goodbye, feel the warmth of his lips, but I have no right to ask for anything. I take a step toward the door when Massimo pulls me back into a hug. I reciprocate, wrapping my arms around his torso, feeling the firm muscles in his back, nuzzling my nose to his neck, inhaling his unique scent. His hands are circling on my lower back, and he drops kisses along my hairline. His arms envelop me in safety like I’ve arrived home after a long journey.
Before tears begin, I separate from him and step toward the door. “I’ll wait for your text,” I say, walking out of the office. The emotions are overtaking me, anxiety rising because I feel out of control of this situation. I need time away from him to let the fog lift. It’s the only way I can think clearly.
When I’m outside of the restaurant, I welcome the fresh air. Late September is my favorite time of year in Boston, mostly warm days and cool nights. I decide to call Luci and see if she’s off tonight to come over, but her phone goes to voicemail. I grab my iPod and pop my earbuds in, and hit play, letting Roxette’s “Listen to Your Heart” calm my erratic heart.
Although it’s dark and I can’t see the water, the ocean is angry, the waves crashing with fury, mirroring the turmoil I feel within. Seems a storm is moving in. After getting home, I decided to drive to Revere Beach to sit along the wall, absorb the salty air, regroup my thoughts, and grab some fried clams from Kelly’s for dinner. Comfort food always goes a long way.
The ocean air has a way of calming and centering me. And after seeing Massimo, my emotions are all over the place. The last thing I expected was for him to touch me the way he did, for us to be intimate. I know it’s wrong, that I had no right to allow it, but I’ve missed him, and everything that happened in his office felt right. We need to talk, so I can tell him why I left, and we can discuss what just happened. If things were complicated before, our encounter just made it worse.
Even though I shattered his heart, Massimo still has feelings for me. I felt it in the way he touched me, saw it in the way he looked at me.
Selfishly, I’m happy about that. But my selfish behavior has already caused enough destruction, and I cannot do any more damage, especially not to him. He has a new life with his boys and their mother, and I won’t ruin that for him. Except, once again, I noticed he didn’t have a wedding band on. Everything I know about Massimo tells me he would wear one. He’s too loyal not to, and I don’t think he would’ve been intimate with me if he was in a relationship or married. I’m so confused.
As soon as he’s buried his mother and he’s ready to talk, I’m going to tell him my whole story, so we can both have closure and move forward.
