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“There is no us, Yanelis. Our relationship ended the day I got on the raft.”
“But I still love you, I’ve always loved you.”
“That was a long time ago,” I huff, pulling my arm from her and shaking my head.
“Amaury, we should at least try, no?Nos amábamosand the only reason we separated was because you came here. It had nothing to do with us. Think how much Analia would love having her parents together.” She steps closer to me, softens her voice.
I place my hands on her arms, bring her closer to me because she needs to listen to what I’m about to say. “Escúchame,” I say in a low whisper. “¡Olvídate! We can be good parentssin estar juntos.” Yanelis needs to understand. We loved each other a long time ago but I’m a different man than I was in Cuba and our relationship is in the past. I shake my head and step back, putting more space between us. We need to focus on being good parents in separate homes.
Before Yanelis can continue with the subject, I ask, “When I can see her,mañana?” Maybe asking to see Analia tomorrow is unrealistic but now that I know about her, I want to know everything. Do everything. Be everything.
“No se. We’ll see.De verdad,no me imaginethis conversation happening like this.”
I close my hands into tight fists. “No? What did you expect? How did you imagine this conversation would end?” I retort. It’s not until I see the woman a few feet from us glance at me with wide eyes do I realize I’m speaking loudly.
She lifts her shoulders and her lips twist. “Not your rejection.”
“Yanelis. You can’t expect to just show up and be in my life again. It’s been twelve years since we’ve seen or spoken to each other. I have my life here. I’m in love with someone else.”
“Entonces ya,that’s it? You no want us around?”
“No me cambies la palabras,” I retort, leaning into her as my tone continues to increase. She’s twisting my words and I can already see where she is going with this. “You and I are over but I want a relationship with Analia.”
“¡Veremos!” She storms off toward where Analia is leaning against the wall, waiting for us to return, and I scurry behind her.
“We’ll see! What does that mean?” I call after her.
“¡Vámonos!” She snatches Analia’s arm and drags her toward the exit.
“Wait.” I pull my wallet from my back pocket and grab a business card, handing it to Analia. I have to do something to ensure she knows I want to see her, want to get to know her, want to be her father. I don’t think her mother would prevent it, but the truth is I don’t know who Yanelis is anymore and I cannot risk it. “Este es mi número de celular,” I tell her, pointing to my number on the card. “I’ll be waiting for your call. I want to see you,hija mía.” I embrace her, squeezing my arms tight around her so she can feel the love I have for her already. She hugs me back and my heart bursts in my chest. “Te amo mi niña,” I tell her, before releasing her, ensuring she knows I love her already. As Analia walks away, our eyes are locked until she disappears into the crowd.
I’m not a drinker but this night makes me want to down a bottle of rum. Instead, I find a chair and sulk. This night has been a torrent of emotions. As I think about the years lost, my parents begin crowding my thoughts. They never met Analia. She doesn’t know she has grandparents who love her. Aunts, uncles, and cousins who would’ve given anything to spend time with her. The more I think about it, the angrier I become at how much Analia missed out. At how much we, as her parents, failed her.
“¿Oye, mi hermano, qué paso?” Alain asks, interrupting my thoughts. He’s obviously concerned at how upset I look while in the middle of a party.
“No se,” I say. Because the truth is, I have no idea what the fuck happened. “My whole world just shattered. Everything I thought I knew suddenly changed.”
“What do you mean? Where’s Soledad?” he asks, looking around.
My shoulders sag in resignation. “She left when she met Yanelis, who introduced herself as my wife.” I drop my eyes to the floor as shame creeps in at the way I handled the entire situation.
“¿Cómo? Yanelis is here in Miami?”
I recount the night’s events to Alain, whose mouth is slack as he listens to the story unfold. The incredulity of it all something to behold.
“Bro. I may be terrible at relationships and giving advice about women, but I have two kids and here’s what I know.Aqui, en laYuma, you can go to court and make sure you see your kid. Yanelis can’t stop you from seeing her. That’s not what you should be worried about.” His words give me some reassurance. I hadn’t thought about that, but truthfully what concerns me most is Yanelis will tell her lies about me, and Analia will believe her.
“Yanelis will poison her,” I tell him. “Her lies are what I’m afraid of.”
Alain stretches his hand out to rest it on my shoulder. “I’ll give you the phone number of the lawyer who helped me. Call her Monday.” I nod in agreement, the defeat weighing heavy.
“You need to find Sol. Make things right with her,” Alain says. “No sea come mierda, esa mujer es especial,” he scorns, reminding me how incredible of a woman Sol is and how much of a jerk I can be.
He’s right. Sol is the woman I love. The first woman I’ve loved since being in this country.
What was I thinking, letting her walk away from me the way I did? I should’ve talked to her, listened to what she was saying, explained what was happening. Instead, I froze, gave her the silent treatment, and dismissed her as if she means nothing to me. Where did she go anyway? I start searching the room for her culling through the people on the dance floor, groups gathered by tables or the bar, telling old stories and laughing. There’s no sight of my beautiful Sol. Of course she’s not here! After the way I acted, why would she be here?
I’m zipping my car through traffic, driving as fast as I can toward Sol’s apartment. I’ve called her phone, but it goes straight to voicemail. I hope she’s home, I need to apologize to her, explain what I can. It’s all overwhelming to me, but I cannot imagine what it felt like for her as she watched it unfold.
