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“Every time he acted out, afterward he would apologize, tell me he loved me, treat me like a queen. It was a vicious cycle of love bombing, soul crushing, love bombing, abuse, and so on. Each time the abuse happened it increased in severity from the time before. Each time I convinced myself he loved me, and he’d never hurt me.”
Listening to Sol talk about her past is shocking to me. It’s the first time I hear a survivor talk about what they lived through. I want to hold her and protect her, but she’s not finished. I don’t know if it’s okay for me to embrace her. Besides, she needs to let this all out, let go of everything she’s holding inside of her.
“It wasn’t until he slapped me that I had a wakeup call. The day he slapped me was because we had gone out to dinner with some of his friends. He was telling a story about some mutual friends and stupidly I clarified something, which he interpreted as me correcting him and embarrassing him in front of his friends. He gave me a stern look while at the table and I knew. I knew when we got home something was gonna happen, I just didn’t know what. We didn’t even make it home. As soon as we got to the car, he slapped me with an open hand.”
Motherfucker! To think the man I had pinned down today made her suffer like this.
“I knew I had to leave because it would never get better. I lived in fear day in and day out. Walked on eggshells. Rarely went out unless I was with him and didn’t even want to work for fear of doing something wrong and not knowing it. I only spoke when spoken to and basically stopped seeing my friends and family. I was a stranger living inside my own body. I didn’t recognize myself. I planned my escape every day, during every waking moment. I thought about how I would do it, when I would do it, where I would go, and what I would take.”
“How long until you left?”
“158 days passed between the day I made the decision until the day I left. It was the longest 158 days of my life. Each day I woke up wondering if it would be my last.”
“Soledad.” I approach her, pull her into my arms, and wrap her in my love.
“The slap was the last time he hit me, although I did have to endure verbal and emotional abuse as well as his tirades, which included throwing shit at me or shaking me.” Soledad is overcome by tears; she’s trembling and sobbing. I don’t have words to console her, so I embrace her tightly, letting her know she’s safe now.
“I was one of the lucky ones.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Soledad
Two months later
“I need a minute before going inside,” I say. Amaury is in the driver’s seat and Melida is behind him, her hand resting on my shoulder. The Tahoe is parked in the corner lot across from the Family Courthouse in downtown Miami.
“We still have time,” she says. “Your hearing doesn’t start for another forty minutes.” After Carmine attacked me, I applied for an Injunction for Protection Against Domestic Violence after the State Attorney mentioned it was something I could look into. The State Attorney explained that although his bond was initially denied, Carmine’s lawyer was filing a motion for an Arthur Hearing, which is another hearing where he would again be requesting bond. So, although Carmine was currently being detained, it was possible he would be released in the future, depending on the outcome of the second hearing. The thought of him being released terrifies me!
“Muñeca, breathe,” Amaury says, his hand on my thigh. When I applied for the injunction, Amaury came to this courthouse with me. Based on my application, a temporary injunction was immediately entered and then a final hearing set for a couple of weeks later. I then hired a lawyer to represent me at the Final Hearing because I was too nervous and needed all the help I could get. She obtained a continuance because she said more time was needed for the Final Hearing. It was rescheduled for today.
“I’m anxious about testifying while Carmine stares at me.” I pull a curl between my fingers as I stare at the tall courthouse in front of us. My lawyer explained this hearing is a little different than the criminal case, which is still pending. She told me at this hearing the burden of proof is lower than in the criminal case and we must prove I’m in imminent danger of harm, which is why an injunction is necessary. The lawyer explained she’d ask me questions about our history, about his behavior when we lived together, and about the events at my apartment in Miami.
“Sol, listen to me,” Melida says. I shift in my seat, meeting her dark eyes. “Carmine has instilled fear in you for too long. You already gave your statement to the police and the State Attorney. Just think of this as doing that again.” My eyes wander, land on a white piece of lint on her dress near her shoulder. I stretch my hand to remove it. “Think of this as a practice run for when you have to testify at the criminal trial. Remember, no matter what, he can’t hurt you anymore. You’re in a courtroom, there’s a bailiff. There’s a judge. You’re safe.” Mel’s words are calm and even, she’s doing her best to calm me, to get me to stop overthinking what’s about to happen. “Today, you have all the power. Just remember to use your voice to wield it.”
I swallow and release a deep exhale, nodding. “Okay, let’s go. My lawyer said security can have a long line, and I don’t want to be late.” I reach for the door handle and when I climb out of the car, Amaury is there waiting for me, wrapping my hand in his. Melida is to my left, her hand holding onto my forearm. Last month when I told her about this court date, she immediately told me she’d be here to support me. She flew in the day before yesterday.
We pass through the courthouse security and take the elevator up to the twenty-first floor. As we walk into the waiting area, I’m searching for my attorney and see her off to the left in a navy suit. Silvia Gonzalez has dark hair with dark rimmed glasses. I remember seeing her in court a few times when I was interpreting and consistently being impressed by her courtroom demeanor. “Hello, Soledad. Amaury,” she says, extending her hand out first to me, then to Amaury.
“Hi, Ms. Gonzalez. This is my friend Melida. She’s here for moral support.”
Silvia extends her hand, meeting Melida’s. “Silvia Maria Gonzalez. Pleasure to meet you, Melida.”
“Likewise,” responds Melida.
“Let’s have a seat in here.” Ms. Gonzalez is gesturing to a small room at her back. “This way, we can talk privately while we wait for our case to be called.”
We all take a seat around the small table. “Amaury, you won’t be able to be inside the courtroom until you’re called as a witness.”
My heart begins racing at her words. “Why can’t he be inside?” I ask.
“He’s a witness and it’s almost certain Carmine’s lawyer will invoke the rule of sequestration. That means any witnesses who are gonna testify are not allowed to sit inside the courtroom until it’s time for their testimony. After he testifies, he can stay inside. This prevents the witness’s testimony from being influenced by what’s happening in the case.”
My eyes meet Amaury’s. “It’s okay,muñeca,” he says, resting his hand on my shoulder. “Melida will be inside the whole time.” I nod.
“The most important thing is to tell the truth,” Ms. Gonzalez says. “Take your time. Really listen to the question asked and only answer the question asked. You can ask for the question to be repeated if you don’t understand it. And Sol,” she says, her gaze meeting mine, “don’t look at Carmine at all while you’re testifying. Keep your eyes on me when I’m questioning you. When his lawyer questions you, if you don’t feel comfortable looking at his lawyer, look straight ahead.”
“Okay.” I pull a curl through my fingers, my nerves pooling in my belly.
