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“Yes, Ms. Gonzalez, no problem.” Together with Melida and Amaury, we walk out to the waiting area and when we stop, Amaury pulls me into an embrace. He doesn’t say anything, hugging me so tightly we’re nearly one person. My tears begin to flow freely. For the first time since everything started with Carmine, I feel light.
I separate from Amaury, look over at my lawyer. “Ms. Gonzalez,” I say, “thank you! There is no way I could’ve done this without you. Your calm demeanor throughout kept me grounded and guided me. There are no words to express my gratitude.”
“You’re welcome, Sol,” she says, extending her hand to meet mine. I pull her in for a hug. I don’t know if it’s appropriate or not, but it feels right. She returns the hug, lets her hands land on my back and squeezes then pulls away.
“Okay, we’ll go. I know you have to get back inside the courtroom.”
“I will email you when I have a copy of the injunction. Besides that, we’re done with this case. Thank you for allowing me to represent you. You did great today. Enjoy the rest of your day.” She turns and disappears back inside the courtroom.
Amaury, Melida, and I walk toward the elevator and as we’re waiting for a car to arrive, Melida says, “Sol, you were amazing.” Both of her arms extend out, and I grasp her hands in mine. “If I’m being honest, I was worried you would get so nervous you wouldn’t know what to say but you were incredible! You kept your cool, let Ms. Gonzalez guide you, and spoke your truth. Now he can never hurt you again.”
“There’s still the criminal case, Mel.”
“True, but you already know what you need to do.”
EPILOGUE
Soledad
Six months later
Since being attacked by Carmine, my life has changed, much of which is attributed to my signing up at a gym called Florida Defensive Training where Amaury’s friend, a former military special ops guy, runs a program centered entirely on self-defense tactics and varying defense related courses. I’ve been going three times per week. Not only has taking these classes shown me I was a sitting duck, waiting to become someone’s victim, but it’s taught me I’m much stronger than I ever imagined. The techniques I’m learning would have likely helped me when I was attacked.
“How was class today?” Amaury asks as I stroll into the kitchen. It smells good in here, when I pull the top off the pot on the stove, I see there’s red beans simmering.
“Good. Today we worked on maneuvers to help escape someone attacking but with only one hand. We had to try with both our dominant and support hands. My left side needs work!!” I exclaim, and chuckle.
“Qué, no kiss for me?” he asks, feigning disappointment.
I lean into the counter. “Hmm, let me think about it for a minute.”
He approaches me and grasps onto my hip, pulling me flush to him. “Quiero devorarte,” he says then kisses me, fervently. He lowers his nose, landing just below my ear and traces it down my neckline to my collarbone, inhaling my scent as he does. “Mmm.Ese olor tuyo es único, and I can’t get enough of it.” Amaury is always, and I mean always, doing this, whether we’re watching TV, sitting on the beach, or lying in bed. When I ask him what it is about my scent he likes or what it smells like, he can’t describe it, except to say it’s a little bit sweet, a little bit salty and all Soledad—whatever that means!
Another change is Carmine is still behind bars. Even though I have the permanent injunction, I feel an extra layer of safety knowing he’s locked up. He was denied bail at his second bail hearing. Before the second bail hearing, I lost a lot of sleep thinking about Carmine free with the ability to terrorize, whether it was me or someone else. Thankfully, bail was denied! Last I spoke with the State Attorney, she told me he’s going to trial, which means he’s risking life in prison.
He was charged with burglary with a battery, which in Florida are felonies punishable by life. He’s too cocky to take a plea, although it’s my understanding the State hasn’t offered one. Of course, him going to trial means I have to testify again about what happened in my apartment. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared, even if I already did it once. I’m extremely nervous about it because the next time I testify will be in the presence of a jury. I’ll have to tell my story to strangers other than the judge.
Initially, I was reluctant because I already have the permanent injunction in place. I felt bad I would testify and possibly put him behind bars for years. However, Ms. Gonzalez explained the permanent injunction would be for an indefinite period of time but in the future Carmine could seek to modify or dissolve it based on a substantial change. Also, Melida, Jestine, Krissa, Dayi, and Amaury were all quick to remind me that he’s not in jail because of me, his actions and his choices are his and he’s responsible for any consequences.
I’ve endured enough pain over the years at Carmine’s hands and now I have the power to end it. To end his reign of terror. When we were discussing it, Amaury said something I’ll never forget. “If he’s in jail, he can’t hurt anyone else. You’re protecting one of his future girlfriends.” Between the possibility of Carmine filing something and what Amaury said, I was convinced I had to testify.
“I have to shower; you want to join me?” I ask.
One of the biggest changes in my life is I’m finally learning to trust my instincts and to trust my relationship with Amaury. After the attack we continued living together. At first, I thought I would only stay for a few weeks. But as the days passed, I felt lighter than I had in a long time. The weight of my relationship with Carmine had been lifted after I testified at the Injunction Hearing. The night I shared my story with Amaury was the first time I’d told someone other than Mel, Jess, and Krissa. It was a crucial turning point for me. After the hearing, I decided to seek out a therapist because talking felt good. I hadn’t realized how numb I’d become to the entire situation, just pushing it down and pretending it never happened was disastrous for me. The more I spoke, the more I had to say. It was cathartic. Between the hearing, therapy, and self-defense, I started feeling strong and confident, two things I hadn’t ever felt at the same time.
“Claro. I was waiting for you so we can shower together.” The bathroom in the main bedroom has a large double shower with powerful jets and incredible pressure. It’s quickly become one of our favorite activities to do together.
Amaury’s invitation to move in with him lingered in the air, neither of us spoke about it although I could tell it was at the forefront of his thoughts. But he was patient with me, understood my reluctance and that I needed to arrive at the decision on my own. I didn’t want it to happen all at once. I’ve been at Amaury’s since the day I was attacked but it took me three months to officially agree to move in together. “What’s the difference?”Melida asked me when I told her about our arrangement.
The difference is for the first three months I still paid rent at my old apartment. I kept my room separate from Amaury’s even if most nights we shared his bed. From an outside perspective it may look the same, but for me, it wasn’t. I still had my own space, and it was important for me. Had Melida, Jess, or Krissa lived in Miami, I would’ve been staying with one of them and not Amaury.
“Why don’t you move back?” my mother asked me a few weeks after the incident. I had never told her about Carmine and the way he treated me. I didn’t want her to worry about me unnecessarily. And if I’m being honest, I didn’t want her to judge me. After what happened in Miami, I finally opened up to her about it because I nearly died, and she wouldn’t have known the truth. I vowed to be open and honest with her about everything from that point forward. “Because Miami feels like home, even though my family and most of my friends all still live in Boston” is the response I gave my mother. I feel like I belong in Miami, the Latin vibe of everyday life is pervasive in all aspects of the community. The Latin vibe was something I craved while living in Boston. Besides, I’m in love with Amaury and don’t want to leave his side.
I turn the stove off, and we go upstairs. As we’re undressing, I say, “Remember, our flight leaves for Boston tomorrow at two thirty.”
Of all the changes that have happened in my life, I think the biggest one is I now have to share my time with Amaury with his daughter Analia. Initially I was worried sharing my boyfriend with a newfound daughter would change the way he loved me. Of course, that was ridiculous for me to think. Amaury changed, but not in a bad way. He was happier than I had ever seen him. His heart expanded because there’s always room for more love. At the onset, Amaury started spending time with Analia but only sporadically. Yanelis was making it difficult for him, so he hired Ms. Gonzalez to help him and now he has a permanent schedule in place, which is recognized by the courts. She now spends half of the week at Amaury’s house.
At first, Analia was reluctant around me, spoke very little and generally ignored me. But with time, she opened up, became more comfortable, and realized I wasn’t her enemy. Analia is smart, kind, and funny and has many of her father’s personality traits. They do some of the same weird things like zap their ice cream in the microwave before eating it, crinkle their nose in the same manner, and both have the same snort when they’re belly laughing.
I watched Amaury grow as a father, something he was nervous about—is still nervous about. Even now he feels much guilt about missing so many years of Analia’s life, but I encouraged him to be truthful with her, about how he came to the United States before he knew about her. Analia told us she knew everything her father told her because her mother had talked to her about their history, about their relationship up until Amaury left Cuba. The night Amaury learned this, he cried tears of relief and joy. He was ecstatic his daughter understood the circumstances of their separation.
I often watch Amaury and Analia from afar and the bond that’s grown between them in the short time they’ve known each other is incredible. Analia is always asking questions about her family in Cuba, curious for knowledge about her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, as well as her heritage and her father’s journey across the ocean. As is to be expected, Amaury is quick to share, to give Analia everything she asks for, and more.
“I packed my bag already,” he responds.
“Good. Can’t wait to eat at all my favorite restaurants with you.” He chuckles at my mention of eating out. He knows how much I enjoy food, and he indulges me.
“Estoy felizto just do life with you,” Amaury responds.
