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“From us?” she asks in surprise.
“From us,” I confirm.
* * *
We’re back in the car after buying the action figurine and two X-Men comics for Marr.
“Let’s see what we can get them.” Her fingers fly over the touchscreen keypad of her phone.
“What are you doing?” I pull my Cadillac out of the parking lot and head toward the highway.
“I’m looking at wedding gift recommendations. Zander, look, we can get them wine bottles with labels personalized for special milestones.” She shows me a Pinterest page titled Gifts for Your BFF. The numerous heart shaped emojis tell me it’s only used by teenage girls.
“That’s nice, Marr. But don’t you think we should gift them something that interests both of them?”
She thinks for a while and then closes her phone.
“They both like traveling. I’ve heard Oscar was a peripatetic, trotting around the globe with his band, and Kristy always wanted to visit Europe.”
“That’s great. We can gift them travel vouchers for their honeymoon. We can even make it flexible, so they decide the time depending on their convenience. What do you say?”
“Wow, Zander. That’s so romantic. We can plan the destinations…or maybe not. I’d love to plan my honeymoon by myself.” The casual words are out of her mouth before she can think or interpret the meaning. But then she immediately goes silent, eyes focused on her hands clasped together on her lap.
“How does such a future look, couch girl? Am I there with you in your imagination?” My heart stops, awaiting her response.
“I… I don’t know, Zander,” she whispers.
My palms sweat over the steering wheel as she rejects me so easily, without a second thought.
“I don’t think… such a future stands for me. And about you being with me, you deserve someone… much smarter, much braver… just much more, than me.”
My heart pounds through my chest as I find it hard to believe her fucking words. I thought we had cleared Marr’s insecurities.
Boy, was I wrong.
“Do you wish for such a future with me?” My voice clogs with emotion.
“If I can even think about such a future, it’s only because of you, Zander,” she says, before adding hastily, “But as I said, such a future isn’t for me. You don’t want to be stuck with someone like me. Someone who gets panic attacks about little things like buying a dress or getting a new roommate. I can’t do this to you. I…just can’t.” Tears roll down her cheeks, dropping onto her hands, which are clasped tightly on her lap.
I’m once again face-to-face with the knowledge that this wonderful, remarkable girl is struggling with such low self-confidence. She’s somehow established herself in this world by interacting with computers, but her social life is in crumbs. She needs perpetual backing, and now I fully grasp and appreciate Kristy’s place in Marr’s life. I wish that someday I can be that support system for my couch girl. I also realize that I can’t rush into asking her the question. I need to talk to Kristy and glance deeper into Marr’s heart.
“A few months back, I couldn’t have imagined having such a future for myself. But now, you give me hope. Hope for so much more.” I take a deep breath. I want to tell her how important she is to me, but I also don’t want to railroad her with my emotions. “I’ll not say anything more, except that I love the future I imagine with you and would love to live it. But we’ll discuss it some other day.” I kiss her hand, still damp with tears. “Today, let’s buy a gift for your best friend and a dress for you.”
* * *
We end up buying a European holiday package for Kristy and Oscar. Upon Marr’s insistence, we included a third ticket for Charlie. I’m not sure how comfortable a honeymoon with a six-year-old would be, but Marr was pretty resolute on it.
After purchasing a beautiful peach-colored dress for her, we reach Little Italy for dinner. Lukas is the first one to show up.
“Hey, guys.” He sits across from us.
“Hi, Lukas,” Marr replies and gives him a genuine smile—a smile she reserves for very few people. I’m still in shock that he managed to impress my girl this easily.
“Where are my brothers? I thought they were coming with you.”
He points toward the door, and I find Zach and Zane talking to a guy in a blue suit with a name tag on his chest. When they notice us looking their way, Zach pats the restaurant manager on the back, and they stride toward us.
“Marr, you enjoying S-s-st. Peppers? What did you d-d-do?” Zane asks as he sits next to Lukas.
