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“No, baby. Not me.” He smiles and adds, “Not yet.” Before I can comprehend his added words, he continues, “But you will like her.”
He pulls me out of the bed and leads to Kristy’s room.
It looks the same, except all her stuff is gone, including a picture of us that was always placed on the top of her dresser. Her makeup table is empty, and her favorite pillow is gone. I purchased that I am my own boss pillow for her with my first scholarship money. Everything here makes me sadder.
Oblivious to my forlorn mood, Zander opens the closet.
The clothes hanging definitely aren’t Kristy’s.
They’re way too bright and flashy, nothing like Kristy’s business dresses. There’s a small cardboard moving box that’s overflowing with stuff hastily shoved inside. On top of it lies a photograph, placed face-first with familiar faces. Clementine, Oscar, and the rest of the Hawthorne family.
“I’m confused, Zander.” I turn my gaze from the closet to him and notice that he’s been looking at me the whole time, possibly gauging my reaction.
“This is Clementine’s stuff. She wants to move out of her mother’s house.” He pauses, letting me comprehend his words.
“Oh.” I can’t decide straight away how I feel about this change.
“If you don’t like it, she’ll understand.” Zander grabs my hands, which are scratching the full sleeves of my T-shirt. “Kristy asked me to put this box here so you can imagine better, but Clementine hasn’t completely moved in or anything.”
I pause for a long while before replying, mulling over the idea in my head. It also doesn’t skip my mind what lengths Zander went through to help find a solution to my roommate situation.
“It’s okay, I guess. I knew Kristy would leave after her marriage, and…I would have to find a new housemate. For some reason, I was stalling the inevitable. But Clem isn’t a stranger. I know her and she also knows…of me.” I glance at him, and he nods.
“I’m also planning to stay for a few days.” Zander swallows as if he’s nervous about something, possibly my reaction.
I squeeze his hands, which are still holding mine, trying to reassure him and also myself.
“Thank you.” But the creases on Zander’s forehead don’t relax. Does he think I’m going to have a meltdown? “It’s good. Really good. I know Clem, and it’ll be…fun.” I add the last word just to pacify his worries.
Nothing new is fun.
“Okay.” He releases a sharp breath and plops down on Kristy’s—um, I mean, Clem’s bed. Scratching his head, he tugs on his hair.
“Zander, what’s the matter?” I place my hand over his to stop him from plucking his cowlick out.
Instead, he grabs my waist, pulling me close. His head rests over my stomach as I stand in front of him. I don’t know why, but in this moment, he looks so vulnerable, and Zander is never vulnerable. He is strong and brave.
“You’re worrying me. Is something wrong?” I try to pull away to look at his face, but his tight grip on my waist doesn’t allow me to move even an inch. It’s like he’s worried I’ll disappear if he lets go even for a moment.
“I can’t lose you.” His words sound muffled against my stomach.
“What do…you mean? Tell me what’s wrong,” I demand. His anxiety is contagious, and my own heart beats rapidly.
What happened to him?
He’s been off since the wedding. The way he talked to me about love in the coatroom. The way he held me throughout the evening.
“Nothing’s wrong.” He pulls me down on his lap and gazes into my eyes. “I love you so much that sometimes it hurts to think what I’ll do without you. I need you, baby.”
I don’t know what to say to his admission. My throat constricts at the emotion I see in his eyes. Nobody has needed me, ever.
“Zander, are you going somewhere?”
“No, I’m not. I just can’t stay far from you.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“What happened?”
“Nothing, sweetheart. It’s just—” The ringing of the doorbell interrupts him. We both turn our heads to the door. “I’ll get it. You get dressed. We have to leave for Kristy and Oscar’s breakfast party soon.” He places a swift kiss on my lips before standing me up and walking out of the room.
