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Fuck. Did I take things too far, too quickly?
“Marr, say something.” I can’t fucking hide the trembling in my voice.
“I… I’d also like…all that,” she whispers before ending the call.
* * *
It’s a day before we drive down to Cherrywood. I’m in my office looking at the list of awardees for this year’s function. Marr’s name is written next to the innovation award.
This list is supposed to be a surprise, and for the past fifteen minutes, I’m trying to imagine her face when her name is announced in a room full of people and she’s asked to collect the prize on stage.
In none of the several imaginations I’ve crafted so far, is she happy and excited. Instead, her face is pale, scared, nervous. She’s tugging on her cuffs and focusing on something like her canvas shoes. In one of my wildest thoughts, I even imagine her bolting out of the party hall.I have to tell her.
She picks up the call, and her beautiful face fills my phone screen.“Hello.”
“Hello to you too. How are you?”
“I’m good. Same as I was four hours ago.” She giggles and my heart soars into overdrive hearing her laughter and seeing her this comfortable with me.
“I’m very pleased to hear that my concern amuses you, Ms. Marlin.”
She blushes deep red. “Your concern pleases me.”
Every day we talk, it feels like we’re taking a tiny step closer, but often, my deepest fear confronts me.She has that name. How can I trust someone who is called that? Why the hell am I putting myself in the way of hurt?
But then I see her. A girl who purchased a high-precision scale just to ensure she’s feeding her fish the recommended amount and not even a tiny bit more or less, and I chastise myself for thinking about hurt and her in the same sentence.
“Zander?” she calls my name, and as always, it sounds different coming from her mouth.
“Yes, sorry. I have to tell you something.”
I watch as she chews on her lips, her hands adjusting her glasses before she brings them down. I’m sure she’s tugging on her cuffs. She’s not so different from me, always thinking the worst. “What… is it?”
“You have won the innovation award this year.”
“Oh.”
My heart squeezes watching her shoulders slump in relief and not delight. She is much more apprehensive than me.
“That’s a…good thing, I guess.”
“It’s a very good thing. You were unanimously selected. Everyone in St. Peppers is in awe of your recent project. No one can believe you single-handedly executed it.”
“It’s…no big deal.” She looks away, embarrassed by the attention.
“The awards will be given out during the party,” I say carefully.
Her blue eyes widen as they meet mine. They’re filled with nervousness and fear.
“I’ll be on the stage, Marr. There’s nothing to worry about. It’s a small group of people. People you know. You don’t even have to give a speech or anything.”
I watch closely as her face pales and her eyes close.
I’m so thankful to Oscar for filling me on Marr’s anxiety issues, otherwise I’d never understand her response. I watch her chest move up and down as she breathes heavily. I wait patiently and a few minutes later, her eyes open.
“I… I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. You told me social activities aren’t your thing. I understand.”
