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Her question throws me for a loop.
Is this how everyone is thinking about me and Zander? The diffident me and the Adonis him.
This evening turned out so unexpectedly. I had only wished to have a nice time with him like a normal girl.
He said we were together. A word I’ve nervously imagined while lying on my bed, lights out, covers pulled up to my head, scared to even dream it in broad daylight. But every time Zander whispered the word in my dream, he wasn’t so…frustrated. In my dreams, he was delighted.
But tonight, he said my dream word to shut Vanessa up.
Kristy’s hands grab mine, stopping me from harshly pulling on the cuffs of my new dress. “I want to be angry with you. But when you do that”—she cocks her head to my fidgeting fingers—“I can’t be.”
“I’m so…sorry.” All the confusion and the stress of not only the past hour but the entire day of prepping myself up exhausts me. A tear rolls down my cheek. “I never wanted to…hide anything from you. But there wasn’t anything to hide. You know that, right?”
“What are you saying?” Her thumb gently wipes my cheek.
“Zander said…that…to shut Vanessa up,” I whisper between hiccups.
“I don’t think so, Rose. I think he likes you.” She grabs my shoulders, squeezing them gently.
“But why? Do you really think someone can be attracted to me? And do you really think someone can stay attracted to me after knowing everything?” My voice trembles.
She gives me a tight smile, and I look away from her pity-laced face.
“You won’t know until you take a chance. Maybe Zander is your happily ever after.”
Traitorous tears roll down my cheeks. “I can never have a happily ever after. No matter how much I want it, how much I pray for it. All my ever afters are tarnished by my ever befores.”
“You can’t mean that.” I hate the tears pooling in her eyes, but there’s no missing the hesitancy in her voice. Even when she denies my words, she knows there’s truth in them.
“Believe me, Kristy, I am happy. My life isn’t exactly what someone would want for themselves, but I’ve got no complaints.” I press on her cold hands, which are still holding mine. “However, there are certain things I can’t dream of. My past has ruined every possibility of some things in my future.”
She throws her arms around me, and I can feel her tears as her body shakes in tandem with mine.
In between hiccups, I mutter, “I like him so much. I have never…felt like this before.” My voice shivers as I confess my feelings. “I feel alone…every time we end a call, and my heart does a weird fluttering when he texts me. This all…scares me…so much.”
She pulls back.“Then tell him.”
Before we can argue more, heavy footsteps approach us. I know it’s Zander; I can feel it. My heart has started doing that fluttery thing it does every time he’s around.
Zander stands beside me, and I hide away from his gaze. I don’t want to remember the moment he was compelled to make the absurd declaration.
“Shall I take you both home?” he asks.
“Why don’t you and Rose talk? I’ll let the guys know we’re leaving,” Kristy replies.
What? No. No, Kristy. Don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me alone with him. Not now.
“I…should come with you.”
“No. You stay here and talk.” She squeezes my shoulders before scrambling inside.
“Marr?” Zander’s voice is soft and calm. “How are you?” He grabs my hand, and I shiver under his touch.The tears I’m trying to send back roll down my cheek.
When he tips my chin back with his finger, I peer up at him. A soft smile touches his lips.
“Okay.” My heart clenches when his thumb wipes my tears, and he even rights my glasses.
“About what I said inside—”
