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“Anything you say or tell won’t change how I feel about you.” He looks around and asks, “Do you want to talk here?”
“Can we go someplace...private?” My heart pounds against my rib cage. A part of my brain screams at me to run in the opposite direction, but I try to ignore the voice tonight that has governed every decision in my life.
“Sure. Come with me.”
We walk hand in hand, his stride confident and positive of our future together.
Me? I’m a shivering mess with a haunted past.
We enter through the hotel’s back entrance and take the elevator to the third floor. When we step into the lobby, he turns to me. “I have a suite here. But before we go in, Marr, I want to tell you whatever you’re going to say will not change how I feel about you.”
“Please. Let’s go inside.” I can’t look at Zander anymore. I never imagined I’d open up about my past to a stranger like this, but I need to do it before I cower and back out.
With my head held low and my hand captive in his, I enter the room. I take a few steps inside and stand under the center light. He nods toward the couch, but I hold my ground. His grip on my hand loosens, and he takes a seat, looking at me in confusion.
My body trembles. The heat of Zander’s attraction isn’t enough to stop the tremors that keep me awake at night.
He brushes his hand lightly against my arm, and a startled cry leaves me. My mind has already transported to places I hate.
Stunned by my response, he blinks rapidly. When he tries to speak, I shake my head. I just want to get my story out without any interruption. All the energy and warmth that was around us moments ago is no longer there. I know he expects me to narrate some sob story, but my wounds are sharp and deep. They draw people around me into a dark abyss.
I peer away from his concerned gaze and drag the zipper of my dress down.
“M-Marr, what’s going on?” He jumps from his chair and stands before me.Grabbing my hands, he stops me from lowering the straps. His grip tightens almost painfully as his knuckles turn white. “Why are you…” He swallows and I watch his Adam’s apple bob. “Why are you taking off your clothes?”
“Please let me do this,” I whisper. Tears of shame fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks.
His pained face turns white, and he stammers, “This is crazy. I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me, but no, not like this.”
I haven’t even started, and he’s already hurting. I can feel his hands shaking over mine. My heart crushes thinking about the pain I’m causing him. This is what he gets for liking me—pain and heartbreak.My brain again screams to leave this room, this town, and run far away from him. But my greedy heart whispers repeatedly to take a chance.
Take a chance.
“Please.” I listen to my heart and jerk away from him. My action causes him to lose his balance, and he stumbles a step back. Taking the opportunity, I lower my sleeves, pulling my dress down until the heavy fabric rests on my waist.
Zander turns his back to me. “Marr, I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. But not like this, please.”
My feelings for him move to a whole new level. Even when I’m vulnerable, he is protecting me and my tarnished dignity. I pray to all the forces of nature who have led me this far and brought him into my life. Please let him be the one. My happily ever after.
I move to where he’s standing and turn so that he can see my back. He can see that I’m not who he thinks.
15
ZANDER
“Please take a look,” she whispers.
I’m beyond confused and having a hard time understanding how we got here. When she said she wanted to tell me something, I didn’t know what to expect.
But right now, I’m shit scared to look at her or whatever she is trying to show me. Her trembling, cold body, and her vacant stare reminds me of myself in those nightmare-laden nights. She is physically here, but her mind is lost in a world of horrors.
“Marr, put on your clothes.” I grab a blanket from the bed and am about to put it on her shoulders when I see them.
“Fuck.”
Her entire back is marred with scars. Not small crisscrosses but long, deep marks, making her skin uneven. There’s barely any of her light skin visible as the dark recesses cover her back. They appear to be stretched with time. Unconsciously, my index finger traces one of her scars just below the shoulder blade, and she squeals at my touch.
“Shit. Shit, Marr.”
