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“It’s not a consolation, Zander; it is my greatest treasure.” Her misty eyes shine as she looks at me. “What was your birth name?”
“Alex. Alexander. My father named me after his father. Zach and Zane used to call me Xander, so I decided to keep that.” I tell her about the day Zach was furious that I got to change my name, while he was stuck with lame Jack. Finally, we all agreed that he and Zane could change one or two letters in their names.
“It turned out quite cool.” She smiles.
“Tell me more about your childhood—how you met Kristy.”
“That’s one of my happiest memories. One day, Sophia’s daughter came along with her to the class. My piano lesson started while Kristy sat in a corner doing her homework. When the lesson finished, I stood up and was leaving, as usual, without saying a word. But Kristy called out to me, ‘Aren’t you going to thank my mom?’”
I stifle a laugh. I can see a young Kristy doing just that.
Marr smiles back and continues. “I had no clue how to respond. No one ever spoke to me like that. My discovery had made the staff overly cautious and wary about me. When Kristy scolded me, I simply followed her instruction, said thank you, and left the room.”
She shrugs when I laugh.
“You have met Kristy, right? She wasn’t very different back then. Anyway, after that, Sophia started bringing Kristy more often. We soon became friends. Kristy enjoyed the thrill of bossing me around, and I liked her company. She always treated me like everyone else, like I was normal.”
Playing with the hem of her T-shirt, Marr says, “One day I overheard a nurse cautioning Sophia about our friendship. How Kristy was at an age when kids learn and pick up one another’s habits. What good can she learn from a child like me, a freak?”
Whenever Marr shares parts of her childhood, I want to time travel and pluck her away from that loneliness. I wish I could hold her then, tell her that all will be okay.
But not all wishes are granted.
I stroke her arms, trying to relax her bunched muscles.
She looks up to see my expression and I smile, encouraging her to continue.
“For the first time in my life, I experienced the fear of losing someone. The next day, Sophia came alone, and I panicked. I shared my fear with her, and what she said to me that day changed my entire life.
“Sophia said, ‘You are different, Rose, and you’ll always be, no matter how hard you try. There might be times when you’ll wish that your life was simpler and as normal as others. But it’ll be just that—wishful thinking. Wishing things were different in the past brings us no good. Instead, you have all the power to construct your future, a future that’ll be your past someday. You’ll have to work twice as hard as others. You should make sure that your name speaks for you.’”
“And you did. Oscar showed me the recommendation letter from your professor.”
She looks at me in surprise before glancing down at her hands. As always, she shies away from praise.
“You like Sophia?” I kiss her nose. She looks so pretty and homey sitting on my lap.
Marr nods. “I’ve thought about my parents only a handful of times, but whenever I did, it was Sophia’s face that surfaced in my imagination. Not only because she was always so nice to me but also because of how much we look alike. A few times, upon Kristy’s heavy insistence, I joined them on their family trips. People would often refer to me and Kristy as her daughters. She never corrected them, and I cherished those moments.” Marr chews her lips in embarrassment, but I’m glad she had someone to look up to, like I had Beast.“Sophia and Kristy have always been welcoming to me. But still, deep in my heart, I know I’m an outsider.” The sadness in her voice guts me.
“You have me, Marr. I don’t know where this will lead, but here, at this very moment, I am a hundred percent committed to giving us a chance.”
“Us. I also want to give us a chance.” Her hopeful eyes meet mine. “I like you, Zander. A lot.” Her hands move from my biceps, and she gently strokes my face. Her voice is breathy as she speaks. “If someone told me a week ago I’d be sitting like this, sharing all my thoughts with you, I would have called them crazy.” She waves her hand around us. “But look at me now.”
“Yes, look at you. All sweet and sexy, making your guy wonder how he ended up in this beautiful morning with you.” I kiss her fingers, which are gliding over my lips. “I love you, Marr. You sharing your past means so much to me. But I want more of these moments, where we make our own beautiful memories. So beautiful that everything else of our past is forgotten.”
And how much I want that to be true for both of us.
“I want the same.” Her wishful words make my mind run wild, thinking about different ways to make her happy.
I nuzzle her neck, and when she sighs, I slide her bra strap further down her shoulders. I know how I can make her happy now.
“It just occurred to me that we were interrupted by breakfast.”
“I guess we were.” She giggles as I carry her inside. Overnight, she has mastered the style of clinging onto me like a koala bear.
I place her down on the edge of the bed and squat between her legs. Her hands rise and she ruffles my hair. The beautiful pink surges on her cheeks, which has recently become my favorite color. I love the fact that she likes my touch and also touching me, exploring me.
“What do you want to do, Marr?” My fingers glide over her lips, trailing down her chin, neck, grazing her collarbone, and further down. As my fingers roam around her breasts, she trembles. Her reaction to my touch makes my mind crazy, wondering how else I can make her delirious.
