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"My mom puts them in all my bags now, so afraid I'll end up pregnant despite me telling her I'm not having sex."
"Well, it's not the craziest thing she's done."
"Yeah." She nodded, but I hated how sad her voice sounded, and I regretted my choice of words instantly. Pulling her to me, I wrapped my arms around her, needing to feel our skin touching.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" I felt her nod into my chest as I rubbed up and down her back.
"Yes, I'm sure."
She lifted her head, and I lowered my mouth back to hers, and the heat and passion returned. Before I knew it, we were out of our underwear, and I was pulling a condom over my length. Bracing myself, I slowly sank into the most incredible feeling in the world as I tried to be easy, knowing that it had to hurt for her.
I felt her tense, and I slowed until I saw her nod to continue. I picked up speed, and before I knew it, it was over. I worried she hadn't enjoyed it, but the smile on her face comforted me that maybe she had. I wrapped her in my arms, and we fell asleep holding one another. It was the most intimate experience of my life, and it had happened out of the blue.
I woke up feeling happier than I ever had before, and I'd made a conscious decision to tell her how I felt, to tell Lennox that I was in love with her. Maybe we could have round two after.
She wasn't next to me though and I found the zipper flap partially blowing in the breeze. Peeking my head out, I could make her out over by the table where this had all started.
It looked like she was on the phone, so I dressed and made my way over to her. I figured she was talking to her mom, checking in as she was known to do. Lennox never stopped worrying about Robin or Noah, not after that day at the mall. I felt partially responsible for her obsession, but I also didn't know how to change it. So, I supported her and tried to be there when she needed me.
My feet were silent on the grass, the dew seeping into the soft canvas and I guess it was why she didn't hear me. It's the only reason I could explain to myself after overhearing her words because nowhere in my mind did they belong. Nor would Lennox say them to hurt me. That wasn't who she was.
"Yeah, I know. Can you believe it? After all this time, it finally happened. I'm so happy. I can't wait to tell Simon."
Wait, why did she need to tell me about it? I was there.
"Oh yeah, he’s a good friend, but he's not the one I'm in love with, you know that. I need to tell him. Now that things have developed, it doesn't feel right."
Devastation sat in my gut, and I knew it had all been as she said—something special between us, but nothing more. It was an opportunity to get it out of the way, a practice.
And I'd almost ruined my relationship with my best friend by admitting my feelings. I couldn't do that. I needed Lennox in my life, and if I only got to be friends with her, then I would be the best friend she would ever have.
It still stung to hear her say those words. I was a teenage boy, and being rejected, even if unintentionally hurt, so for some reason, when Lennox saw me a few minutes later and said she needed to talk to me about something, I blurted out a phrase I had no idea would set my life into a chiasmic tailspin.
"Lennox, I like boys."
It was the one phrase, the one moment that set everything else into motion and led me to this point.
* * *
Voices shoutedaround me as time sped up, people handing me things to press to her head before the paramedics took over. The world spun fast, but me, I was in slow motion as the implication of what this meant hit me.
I was going to lose her.
Lifting my head, I caught Slade’s eyes, and I stared back. Regret, fear, and self-loathing swirled around him, but I wasn’t sure who it was directed at. It didn’t matter right now. Only Lennox mattered.
Following the paramedics, I left him to deal with his own emotions for once.
Dear Stranger,
Hi, I suppose. I don’t really know what to say to you. It sounded like a cool idea when my best friend suggested it. We love the show and it sounded fun. But now, staring at this paper and having to come up with something to write, I wonder how genius it actually was.
It’s just that my best friend, she’s kind of the coolest and makes everything fun. When she asked, I said yes, like I always do. I didn’t really think about how I would be doing it without her though.
I guess I can tell you about myself. That’s hard too without giving any personal details. Well, hmm. I like comics. I read them a lot and have a massive collection. I spend most of my time with the girl next door. It’s sad when I think about it and how most of who I am is wrapped up in her.
Hopefully, you have a better time writing and this takes off.
Fish
