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“First,Nox, I think it’s time you admit the truth.”

I looked at him strangely, wondering why he called me that. How did he know that name? He stared, waiting for something, apparently wanting to make this the most difficult conversation in history.

“The truth about what? And why are you calling me Nox?”

“See, I told you, man. It wasn’t her. It couldn’t have been,” Simon piped up, turning to Slade with a pleading look, only confusing me more.

Slade gritted his teeth, ignoring him as he strained to keep himself in check before speaking again. I took another swallow of water which ended up being a mistake as he spoke his following words right as I did.

“So, you haven’t known for the past three years that I’mBlaze?”

Spitting the water everywhere, I turned to him, my mouth hanging open, and shouted,“What the fuck?”

Dear Blaze,

I guess in a way I am lucky to not have that type of relationship with my brother, but I can’t help but wonder if there’s something you can do to fix things? Family is special and you shouldn’t throw it away without trying. But I also don’t know what occurred, so ignore it if it really is unforgivable. I just always have hope that people can be redeemed. My best friend says it’s a flaw I have. If I'm going to have one, I’ll take believing in people over collecting toenails any day.

I think I feel that way because of my mom and the lies people say about her that aren’t true. I think people see the version of others that is easiest for them. They don’t have to question their beliefs if they can cast you as the villain. Small town gossip can be pretty grueling, and I’ve had my fair share of rumor mills. From someone who has made mistakes or been the victim of others, it’s not always intentional or easy being on the other side.

I like this idea, our meetings in space! How cool would it be to have that as a tattoo? It would be like a friendship necklace, but forever. You have one heart and I have the other. I hope we’re friends forever. I think my life would be empty without you.

So, there’s this place called the Dairy Barn and it’s my favorite place to go. I’d take you there and blow your mind with the best milkshake ever! Trust me, it’s amazing.

My wish is about my mom too. I’d wish for my mom to not struggle with her mental illness. The others, to be able to sing on stage, and to fall in love.

A skill I wish I knew… Well, I wish I knew how to skateboard, or play the guitar. Two things just for you!

What are your thoughts on piercings? I decided to pierce my upper ear the other day and it wasn’t too bad. I now have three holes in my ear. So, fancy. I think I want to learn though. I think they’re sexy on guys too.

Would you rather never find love, or lose love? This is hard… heartbreak isn’t fun. But the reward is worth it, right? I hope I never give up on love.

I’ll be waiting,

Nox

Three and half years ago

“I can’t believewe’re finally going to meet Blaze after all these years,” I beamed at Simon in the mirror as I perfected my cat-eye. He was lounging on my bed in his usual pose, reading a comic.

“Mmm-hmm.”

“What? You aren’t curious?”

“Maybe?” he shrugged, still not meeting my eyes. Turning in my chair, I leaned against the back, taking him in.

“What’s up? You’re all, I dunno know.Shifty.”

“Shifty?”

“Yeah, shifty. You’ve barely said two words since you’ve been here. Do you not want to go?”

He sighed, sitting his comic down and turning, his legs now on the floor. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he looked at me. “It’s not that, Lenn. It’s just… I don’t know. Something feels off. Why now? What’s the cause?”

I shrugged, not wanting to admit the reason for the sudden meeting, my last letter to him a swan song. When he’d replied back instantly, asking to meet, hope filled me at the chance. But I couldn’t admit that to Simon.

“He said he’s in town. What does it matter?”

I tried to hide the stars in my eyes, mostly because I didn’t want them to be noticeable, but also, I wasn’t supposed to have stars in my eyes. I shouldn’t be hoping this was the moment I’d dreamed about finally happening with my pen pal, not now anyway. Fortunately, I’d gotten good at concealing my feelings. Between Blaze and Simon, I was a closet full of repressed emotions.

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