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Slade did look contrite, but it was so hard to rationalize it in my head. He moved closer in my contemplation, carefully touching my arms. “I'm not just getting over it, or whatever it was you said. Don’t you get it, Peach? There was nothing for me to get over.”
“I don't understand. None of this makes sense to me.”
“I'm sorry for that, Peach. I really am. But for me, I thought you were pretending for years not to know who I was, and I struggled with my feelings about it. I hated you at first, but the more I got to know you, I saw the person behind the letters. My conflicting feelings have been warring within me for years, and it was why I acted so hot and cold at times. I couldn’t stop the way I felt even when I needed to. I hate that I’ve hurt you in the process, especially once I realized you didn't know. But it also freed me. It’s just as easy as a switch for me because it set me free. I could finally quit lying to myself that I didn't love you, Peach.”
His words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I sucked in a breath, taking a step back from him. Shaking my head, I held my hands up again, hoping to physically put some distance between those words and me. “I… I can't hear this right now.”
“Then when?”
“I don't know, I um…” I trailed off, uncertainty and doubt filling my head. Simon stepped forward and grabbed my hands, rubbing small circles over them in a soothing pattern.
“What do you need, Lenn? Tell us what it is you need.”
With his grey eyes boring into me, I found myself spilling everything in a rush. “I went and talked with Thane, and he had a different take about what happened. He uh, he made those claims, but they don’t really make sense, like Slade stealing his letters and spiking my drink. It did make me realize I have to quit hiding from everything that’s happened. So, I went for a walk, to a place where I felt connected to Duncan. I go sometimes to just talk to him about things, and it helps. Today, I met this really bizarre and totally amazing woman who was delightful. She helped me understand things aren’t always what they seem, and that sometimes, people can be telling the truth and the lie. Ultimately, it made me realize something important.”
I stopped, taking a breath, peering over at Slade. I kept waiting for him to throw shade at me or hurl a sexual innuendo that would push my button, but he stood there, listening. His eyes met mine, and I found softness there as he looked at me, the corners wrinkling.
“What did you realize, Peach?”
Swallowing, I held his eyes as I answered. “That it doesn't matter what happened that night, or at least in the sense of trying to figure it out step by step, I mean. Of course, what happened matters. Obviously, Dun-can died,” I stuttered, the words hard to spit out. “And I was almost raped and kidnapped or whatever. I need to deal with it instead of ignoring it. So yeah, I guess it does kind of matter. I just can’t let the monster get me. Geez, I'm talking in circles.”
I shook my head, dropping it as I took a few breaths to slow my ragged breathing and hopefully my erratic speech. After a few minutes, I peered up and looked at both of them. I wanted to hate them, to rage at them for the heartache, but that was only a different form of hiding. I couldn’t hide behind fear, any more than I could avoid the problem. It was time to slay this monster.
“I have to figure it out on my own. And until I do, I'm not going to be ready for any relationship, curse or not.”
“So, what you're saying is, you're not ready? Not that it’s a no?”
“I'm saying… I don't know if I'll ever be ready. But in order to try to be, I need to work on myself first.”
“Does that mean we can be friends?”
“Yeah, I mean, I'd be okay with that. Are you guys okay with just being friends for now until I sort out everything in my head?”
“Lenn, if it means I get to be in your life, then I'm okay with it. Of course, I want to be more, but I'm not going to push you. I hope it will return to how we left things, but I've always been your friend first, your best friend. And that's what I'll always be, no matter what.”
“Thanks, Si, that means a lot to me.” I smiled, my shoulders relaxing. Glancing between the two, I hadn’t missed the fact Slade hadn't responded to my question yet. He stood there, staring at me with a level of heat in his eyes I wasn't used to. “I guess we were never friends, so I understand you not wanting to be Slade. So, what about you two?”
”What aboutus?“ Slade countered, not answering or dismissing my question.
”Are you guys like, I don't know, together, now?”
“No.” The vague responses were getting old. I was about to tell him where he could shove his answers when Simon filled in the silence.
“We haven't ever been what you would say ‘together’,” Simon offered, casting a glance over his shoulder at the silent statue masquerading as a man.
Slade's eyes flicked over to him briefly but then back down to me. I couldn't take his stare and everything he apparently thought he was communicating with his eyes, so I turned back to Simon. I didn’t expect the hurt that filled my voice, but it was already out there before I could call it back. “Why didn't you ever tell me, Simon?”
“There’s no good reason. I thought you guys hated each other. And I didn't want to rub it in your face that one night when he and I were drunk, we kissed, and then it developed into a mutual benefits thing on occasion.”
I nodded, not really understanding his reasoning but accepted it. “Why didn't you ever tell me that he was Blaze?” This one was harder for me to accept.
He sighed, taking a breath, squeezing the hand I’d forgotten he held tighter. “Because by that point, I'd already been screwing around with him. I felt guilty enough as it was, and when he told me how he was convinced you knew who he was, I couldn’t believe it. I vaguely remembered meeting him at the bar that night, so I assumed you knew, but didn't want to talk about it since it was connected to that night. Then… well it became something I didn't want to bring up, and it hurt you,” he paused. “Selfishly, I wanted to keep him to myself.” Simon shrugged, his cheeks tinting a little at the confession.
“Ahh, you like me, Si, you really like me.”
“Shut it, Slade.”
I giggled, covering my mouth with my free hand, not expecting their banter to be so cute. A whole new feeling of arousal hit me, and I focused on asking the one who was willing to give information. “Did it ever become more?”
