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“Not tonight, Nat. I don’t have it in me to put the pieces back together when you break my heart.” I heard him suck in a breath as I tried not to feel stung by his words.
“How did this happen?” he asked into the air, and I wasn’t sure if he meant us or Jude.
I watched as he turned off the burner and removed the pan that I now saw had Rice Krispies in it. He carefully dumped the contents into a baking dish, and I watched in amazement.
“I don’t know,” I answered, remembering he’d asked a question. “It’s always the ones you don’t expect.”
He tensed, his back going ramrod straight. “Elijah was my friend, and he betrayed us. Not only that, he gave up one of the purest souls in the world. I can’t forgive him for that. I don’t care what the reason is. We might be criminals, but we have a code. No children. I…” his voice broke, and he gripped the counter.
Walking toward him, I rubbed his back, wanting to provide him with some comfort. “I’m sorry.”
He scoffed, looking out of the corner of his eye at me. “What for? Did you know and not tell us?”
“No, of course not. I just, I’m sorry you’re so upset. I don’t like it.”
“That’s rich coming from you.” He went back to his dish, pressing the wax paper on top of the Rice Krispies, smoothing it down.
“That’s the trick?” I asked, utter amazement ringing out. “How did you learn to do this?”
“Your mom taught me.”
“My mom?” I asked, taking a step back. “When? Why?”
“Because I asked. Jude told me it was his favorite treat, and I wanted to make it for him the next time he stayed over. I guess I thought if I made it now, then he’d have a reason to come home.”
His shoulders shook, and I realized he was crying. “Oh, Beau. This isn’t your fault. This has Dayton written all over it. He’s trying to break us. We can’t let him. We’ll get him back. We have to.” I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into my chest, and smoothed my hand down his back. He tensed at first, then melted into me. It felt kind of strange holding this big man, but it also felt nice to be the one to do it.
“We?” he asked when he pulled away.
“Yes, we. Because I’m part of this family, one way or another, and I’m done sitting on the sidelines. I’m also…” I sucked in a breath, “I’m also done being scared. I know you don’t want to talk, so maybe just listen?”
Beau’s eyes searched mine, and nodded when he found whatever he needed to.
“I care for you, Beau. I didn’t want to admit it because it means you have the power to hurt me. It also meant I had to accept I wasn’t such a fuck-up, and while it might be easy for some people to admit, it wasn’t for me. I held onto that belief because if I wasn’t responsible, then people wouldn’t have to depend on me. I’ve recently learned that I’m not the screw-up I once was and that by denying the good things, I’m not just punishing myself, but everyone around me. I’m tired of living a half-life where fear is the dominant emotion I let myself feel. Stepping back into The Sultry Prowler to rescue Cami gave me a purpose outside of just being a mom, and it helped me see the people in my life that I care about. You’re one of them. You’ve been by my side even when I pushed you away. I’d like to see what it feels like to stop ignoring the things I want.”
“Do you mean that, Nat? I don’t think I could take it tonight if you decided later you didn’t mean it. I don’t want this to be some crisis decision made on emotions.”
I shook my head, taking his hand. “No, I’ve been thinking about this for a few days, actually. I went to see Byron the other night.”
He squeezed my hand, and I looked up, understanding in his eyes.
“You care for him, too?”
“I do. I didn’t realize it until I kissed him, but yeah, I have strong feelings for you both. Neither one of you would go away.” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
“Sometimes, you just gotta wait around for the good stuff.”
“I don’t know how to handle cheesy Beau.”
“Well, it’s usually best with a side of sassy Nat.”
“Oh, is that so?” I grinned, moving closer.
“Yeah.” His arms wrapped around me.
“So, just to be clear, we’re okay with us moving forward, and wherever Byron falls into that?”
Beau gazed into my eyes, thinking over his words. “It’s not something that comes naturally to me. But I’ve seen the men around Loren make it work. I’m not saying I won’t get jealous or make mistakes, but I want you. I love you, Nat, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. You’ve accepted I work for the mafia; I think I can accept you have a sexy sidepiece.”
