Page 17 of Life is Guarded


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Counselling was a big support for us both and helped us see it was just a terrible accident. Blame couldn’t be thrown on anyone’s shoulders. I wasn’t proud of my first opinions and reactions to attending therapy, especially after I’d allowed Hudson to help with my fears without an ounce of indecision. With the strength of Hudson by my side, I continued my journey, and I was glad I did. It made our family dynamic turn a corner and become the strengthened supportive unit I’d always needed. Always secretly craved. I could feel the gaping hole I possessed in my heart start to heal with the final piece finally slotting into place, all thanks to the regular one-hour sessions. It finally made me understand why I was the way I am, and it was nothing to be ashamed of. A fear doesn’t define a person; own it and show the world that you’re a person worthy of knowing.

Mom and Mason got on brilliantly once the awkward situation and revelations had been discussed. It was like a weight had been lifted for everyone and I could understand why certain things had happened when I was a teenager. I had to accept that my Mom was making the decisions she thought would be best for me even if I disagreed. It was why we’d decided to finally close this part of our life off with this family gathering and draw a line under it.

“You’ve been in here forever. Are the nerves getting to you? I mean that potato salad looks well enough dressed.” Hudson wrapped his arms around me from behind and shifted my hair to the side before kissing my neck.

“You know me too well.” I turned to face him and smiled. “What if everything doesn’t go well? I mean, it’s been seven years, baby.”

“I know, but I think not only you, but your mom needs this. Once the air is cleared with your dad, I think you’ll feel so much lighter.”

“I know I will. I do need to talk to you though…” I started as the door interrupted us.

“Hold that… you ready?” I nodded back at his words as he went to open the door.

“Dad. You came?”

“Summer. I’ll always be here for you.”

I bit back hard on my tongue, not caring if I made it bleed with the pressure as I felt the tightening pulsating of Hudson’s fingers grasping my palm. The anger I wanted to expel from inside my gut I reigned back, even though the churning made my stomach sick. I know the amount of people who were present today didn’t deserve to witness my meltdown for words that were said in a way they weren’t meant. Even if they hit me with a punch. I’d prayed to hear those words. Accepting that I could rely on the man that should’ve looked after me as a child. Instead, he fled. I knew the reasons now after our calls and through Mom’s discussions, but to hear them now, it felt like we’d come full circle as I allowed the wave of calmness from Hudson to travel through me and take control of my emotions.

“Dad.” I choked back the unfamiliar word from my mouth. “I know you mean those words deep down in your heart. I can’t believe you came here…” I let the tears fall as Hudson kissed the top of my head and stepped aside to let me into my dad’s open arms.

“I’m just outside the door if you need me, okay?” Hudson uttered, before nodding at my dad and taking the potato salad in his hands to the guests gathered around the table waiting for us all. “Don’t be too long, okay? You know your mom will come in search of you.”

“Yeah, we won’t,” I uttered, allowing the fullness of my heart to settle and the overwhelming emotion. “I’m sorry for that.”

“Why are you sorry? If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I know I’ve said it before, but Summer, you are an amazing woman, a credit to your mother and even though you have faced a tough past, you have overcome it—with no thanks to me,” he muttered, dropping his head down. “I know I did wrong by the pair of you. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you never wanted to see me again, but you have too big a heart. That man of yours has helped pull that from deep within you.”

“He has,” I admitted, as I took a deep breath and held onto my dad in a tight hold before pulling back and looking at him. “But Dad, I also learned one massive thing from Hudson.”

“What’s that?”

“You have to let go of the pain. The suffering and the fear that’s eating away at you,” I admitted as a single tear rolled down Dad’s face and I saw the emotions coursing through him. “I forgive you. I need you. We all do. You said you’ll always be here now for us… then Dad, please do.”

“I will, always. Now let’s go and see everyone, shall we, before they wonder where we went.”

“Let’s do it,” I said as Dad curled his arm around my shoulder and followed my direction.

“This way, I hope you’re hungry.”

“Oh, I’ve got a bottomless gut. No need to worry there,” Dad chuckled as we went outdoors in search of Hudson and Mom.

The afternoon flew by as we reminisced about the past. Memories and tears were shared and the whole truth. Hudson was right. I had to do this. It was the right time as I instinctively touched my stomach and rubbed it, smiling at the thought of the test I’d done that morning.

I quickly removed my hand and scoured the room, taking in everyone I loved until my gaze settled on my ko’u aloha. With his eyes full of tears and a massive grin across his face, I squirmed in my chair. What was going on? Then it clicked.

I was pulled into his arms and lifted up as I wrapped my arms and legs around him. The tears we both shared were ones of joy as the gasps and whispers around us were ignored by both of us.

“Please tell me I didn’t just imagine that?” Hudson questioned, whispering into my neck. “Am I going to be a dad?

“You are baby.” I pulled back and kissed him. “You really are.”

“I love you so much, Summer, always and forever.”

“I love you too, my ko’u aloha.”

The End

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