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"How do you fucking do it? How do you act like everything's all right, when we all know that she fucking destroyed us? She threw away everything and didn't even look back for a second. Yet you're both acting like nothing's happened. You're both a merry bunch of assholes pretending everything's alright, when you should loathe her." I guess it was their turn to feel Carter's wrath. But as I think he’s said all he has to say, Carter points at me accusingly. "It took me years to even be able to pretend to be a normal person, and you can't even apologize once. Once! So here's my answer for you, Valentina, I'm not ever going to forgive you. You killed the boy who loved you and would have done anything for you, and the man I've become isn't going to give you the chance to do that again." And with those words strangling my heart, he turns around and walks away without as much as a look back in my direction. As much as I want to run after him, this time, I let him go and watch him step away from me both physically and emotionally.
"Val—" Quaid begins, holding his hands up, placating me, like he thinks that I'm going to bolt at any minute as well.
"It's fine," I tell him, resigned. "It's not like I don't deserve it."
Logan brushes his hair off his sun kissed face to look me in the eye. He already looks like he's tanned just being out in the sun this morning. He looks more like a bronze god than ever.
"Do you think I should go after him?" I ask hesitantly, my gaze going back to Carter's retreating figure as my whole body trembles in anguish.
With that question still lingering in the air, Quaid stalks towards me. He grabs me suddenly and flips me over his shoulder so I'm staring at his delectable ass. My pensive state simmers with Quaid’s boyish antics, and if I’m honest, I'm especially enjoying all the grabbing he's been into today. Is it weird that I'm tempted to bite his ass as he stalks back towards the ocean? Logan is trailing after us, looking amused, a few chuckles from the people around us.
Quaid surprises me by gently sliding me off instead of dumping me into the water. My path down the front of his body back to standing on my own feet is torturous for both of us, judging by the fact that a certain part of his is standing at attention, despite the chilly water.
"To answer your question, no, I don't think you should go after him. If he can't see how much he needs you, that's on him," says Logan, coming up behind me. He presses up against me so I'm sandwiched in between both of them. I suddenly think I've forgotten how to breathe.
"He's right though. I haven't apologized yet," I tell them quietly. I have to look away from Quaid because he's staring at me like I'm everything, and Carter has reminded me quite clearly that I'm nothing.
"We probably all have many things that we need to apologize for from back then," Logan says gruffly.
I turn to look at him. "Do we though? You weren't the ones doing the leaving," I needlessly remind him. My departure is written in scars across all of our hearts. Impossible to forget.
"So apologize then," Quaid states succinctly.
I'm suddenly furious again, and this time, I'm almost positive that it's related to my brain tumor because no sane person would be angry about how easily Quaid and Logan seem to be able to forgive me. I push myself away from Quaid, needing some distance to make sense of the mess that is my head.
"Carter's right. You should be mad. I’m mad. Furious really. I've had to live ten years just getting by because of my selfishness. I could have stayed. We could have worked something out. Time is so precious. We could have grown up together. We could have been there for each other. We could have saved ourselves so much fucking pain."
"Princess—" Logan cuts me off with a gentle kiss. "Have you ever stopped to think that this was how it had to be? You assume that we would have changed our minds about sharing you on our own. You assume that everything would have gone perfect over the last ten years. That we would have somehow all fulfilled our dreams and stayed the same people we were before and ridden off into the fucking sunset as easily as that."
"You would have hated me in college," inserts Quaid. "I dreamed about you being there with me through that whole time, but if I really stop to think about it…I'm not sure that it would have worked. Maybe we all learned exactly the lessons we needed to, in order to get to this moment. Ten years is a lot. But we have so many more years than that in front of us right now."
A sob hitches out of my throat with the earnest and longing in his eyes.
"Right. I'm just going to go back to the hotel. I just need a little alone time. I'm sure Carter's out walking the streets right now, so I should be able to have the place to myself as long as you guys stay out here for a bit longer."
Quaid and Logan both look frustrated, but they nod in agreement anyway. I practically run to gather my things, only looking over my shoulder once to see them talking animatedly to each other as they continue to watch me.
My sobs erupt the second I've rounded the corner and I'm out of sight. This lie I'm living is becoming bigger and bigger. Quaid's words echo in my head. I can only imagine how much they will hate me when they find out that we don't in fact have any years ahead of us. Maybe not even months.
And even if they're right…that those ten years would have been harder than I think, that we might not have made it through them…I would do anything to have those ten years back. I’d do anything to have lived a life by their side. But that will never happen now.
It’s too late. All we have is today. Tomorrow might never come.
All they will have of me are memories of what could have happened if I had chosen differently. If I had fought for them. If they had fought for me.
Chapter 16
Then
________________________________________
Valentina
"Damn it," I curse to myself when the kid in front of me bumps into my lunch tray, spilling orange juice all over my cheerleading uniform.
Coach Mathews will not be happy if she sees me in this state. I rush to the nearest girl’s bathroom I can find, hoping some soap and water will do the trick. I rub at the stain on my shirt, and thankfully, most of it comes off. When I hear the bell ring, I'm grateful for the free period I have now. It would suck if I had to go back to class with a wet stain on my cleavage. Since it's another beautiful San Antonio day, I might as well go outside and just let the sun dry it out and soak in some vitamin D while I'm at it.
Before I go outside, I decide to use the bathroom first. I've barely locked the stall when the sound of various heels clicking on the ceramic tile announces I’m no longer alone.
