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“D-Don’t touch me,” she stutters, her whole body trembling.
Those words spilling from her lips hurt me more than any slap she could ever lay on me. I get out of bed and grab her by the shoulders, her fists slamming against my chest as her tears start trickling down her beautiful face. Seeing that hurt so devastatingly prominent on her angelic features cuts me up inside, making me feel like the worst human being in the whole world.
She continues to beat at my chest, and I let her. I let her take all her frustrations, all her anger out on me. I deserve it. I’m a fucking bastard. I could have waited. Logan and Quaid did. They didn’t want anyone else but her, and they were willing to wait for her.
The thing is, so was I, and that was what terrified the shit out of me.
I would have taken a vow of celibacy if she wanted me to. I would have done anything she asked. And because I knew this, my self-sabotaging ass did the very opposite. It was the only way I could protect my heart. In rebelling against my feelings and showing she didn’t have the power over me that she obviously had, I brought her pain.
“I’m sorry,” I hush, stroking her hair as she continues to beat me down. “I’m sorry,” I repeat, my eyes prickling with my own unshed tears behind them.
Fuck!
This is why I did what I did, because Valentina makes me feel too goddamn much. Watching her fall apart in my arms shatters me in ways I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to piece back together.
I continue to say I’m sorry until her rage is spent and she’s cradling her head on my chest, her tears now running down my bare skin.
“I hate you,” she utters in between sobs, but there is no sentiment behind the attack.
“Well that fucking sucks, since I’m fucking in love with you.”
She lifts her head up just a smidge, and I wipe away the rest of her tears, leaving my own water filled eyes in plain view for her to witness.
“So someone else had my body for a fleeting few minutes. You, Valentina, have my fucking soul for a lifetime. But can I say the same about you? Do I have yours?”
When she lowers her face and hugs me fiercely to her without answering me, I bite down on my tongue to keep my anguish from surfacing. But it’s no use. The masochist in me can’t prevent the burning question in my throat from seeing the light of day.
“You’ll never be only mine, will you?”
Each cut to my heart is tangible proof of how her silence is the loudest rejection she could have ever put into words.
Chapter 9
Now
_____________________________________
Valentina
We’re getting ready for a boating excursion when my phone beeps, and I look down at it to see a text from Lucas. My goodbye never seemed to sink in, and I have gotten texts and calls quite frequently over the last year. Sometimes I answered, but most of the time, I didn’t.
I still miss you.
That had always beenthe problem with Lucas. I didn’t ever miss him.
“Who the fuck is Lucas?” Carter growls from behind me, reading the text over my shoulder.
“Just a guy from the past,” I say sadly.
Carter misinterprets the pain in my voice for something that it’s not. He suddenly spins me around and pins me against the wall, holding my arms above my head as he presses against me.
“The three of us aren’t enough, Valentina? Are the others not keeping that greedy pussy busy enough?” he asks in a softly sinister voice.
My chest is rising and falling fast at his show of aggression. I’m insanely turned on, and my breasts are pushed against him, rubbing against him as I breathe and turning me on even more.
“You’re more than enough. You’re everything,” I tell him breathlessly. “What you think you’re hearing is me mourning the time I wasted on someone who in all the time that I dated him, never made me feel a speck of the passion that I feel in just a minute with one of you.”
I close my eyes as he begins to trace the tip of his nose down the side of my face and then down my neck. “I hated myself when I was with him. He was perfect. Everyone thought so. He treated me like I was everything. But he knew the whole time that whatever he did was never enough for me. We never fought because I never cared enough to fight with him. He never had the ability to break my heart, and that’s why I broke up with him when I found out that I was sick again. ’Cause I didn’t feel anything when I was with him, and I didn’t want to spend my last moments on Earth numb like that.”
