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Somehow, I make it back to the hotel. I ignore the shocked gasp from one of the female attendants at the check-in desk that had tried to flirt with me when we were checking in.
It seemed like a lifetime ago when I politely told her “Go fuck yourself,” after leveling a kiss on Valentina that left stars in her eyes. Did that really happen? It seems like a dream, the feeling of bliss that I’d had just a few days ago.
And now…now I am destroyed.
The hotel room is dark and quiet when I step inside. It’s impossible for me to be all the way quiet, since I’m seeing double, but I try my best as I make my way towards Valentina’s room. A room that I’d made love to her in, just yesterday morning.
She’s lying there in the bed, Logan and Quaid beside her like two sentries. All three of them are fast asleep.
I creep closer to the bed, just to make sure that her chest is still rising and falling. Just to make sure that she’s still here with me.
She’s so fucking beautiful.
I must be cursed. I’ve lost everyone that I’ve ever cared about in my life. Losing my parents and my grandma a few years later was awful, but losing her? Losing the one person that I care about more than I care about myself, more than I care about anything? That feels like my own death sentence being handed out to me.
I might as well throw myself off the balcony right now. As if pulled forward by a string, I crawl up on the bed and curl up at her feet, not wanting to be away from her any longer.
I’m furious with her. I hate the fact that she’s hidden this huge, awful thing. I hate that she’s going to go somewhere that I can’t find her.
But I understand. At least now, after finding the bottom of a bottle and getting into a bar fight, I understand. If she’d told us from the beginning, we wouldn’t have healed the way that we have.
And even though I feel like I’ve been cut open and left out to die right now, I also can acknowledge that reuniting with her and the men that I once considered brothers…it did heal something in me.
If she had told us, we wouldn’t have Spain, we wouldn’t have Greece, we wouldn’t have Florence.
Like I said, I get it.
I get as close to her as I can manage, considering the fact that Logan and Quaid are so close they could smother her, and I watch her chest rise and fall, the movement temporarily soothing the ache that’s taken over my whole body.
I vow right then that there’s nowhere she can go that I won’t try and follow her to.
Anywhere without her would just be hell.
Life holds no meaning if I can’t share it with her.
I should know.
I’ve lived in utter purgatory these past ten years without her.
Chapter 14
Then
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Valentina
“Val?” Logan croaks out, surprised when he sees me walking down the stairs.
I give him a little nod in greeting, holding onto the rail so I don’t tumble over. My legs still feel out of sorts, trembling from either lack of use or retaliation for leaving my bed after so many weeks.
But it’s time.
I’ve laid out in my room for long enough, even going as far as missing out on my graduation ceremony. But then again, what reason would I have to go? My father wouldn’t be out there in the stands, cheering me on as I grabbed my diploma. There would be no father daughter dinner afterwards, dreaming about the possibilities of the future while he showered me with pride and affection. I couldn’t even stomach the idea of going up to that podium and giving my valedictorian speech. I had practiced it too many times in front of him to not seek him out while I delivered it. It would just remind me of all the huge life events that I will no longer be able to share with him.
The only thing that makes me sadder is that the boys didn’t attend theirs either, preferring to stay holed up in my house looking after me. It wasn’t fair to them. But against all my rebuttals and every plea telling them to go, they made their own choice and stayed. I’d never ask them to miss out on such an important day. But they did anyway. For me.
“Do you need something, Valentina?” Carter asks with the same concern to his tone, bridging the gap between us so he can offer me his hand.
