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I made an impulsive decision and flung the covers to one side, getting out of bed to search the closet. I pulled out a pale pink summer dress that reminded me of Delilah, who was dark-haired and shy. When I pulled it on and glanced in the mirror, I could catch glimpses of my old self, even with all the plastic surgery–the way I caught my lower lip with my teeth and worried it, the way I played with my hair. The memory of the way I’d fallen back into my old ways around the Demon, growing ragged and eager to please, made me want to murder Delilah and bury her deep.
Knowing that Stellan couldn't get it up for any other girl was oddly satisfying, and not just because Stellan made me feel sad and vicious in equal measure. The way he'd rejected me hurt worse than being rejected by anyone else. And it hurt worse than anything Cain, Remington, or Pax could ever do to me.
I’d searched Cain’s and Remington’s room. But maybe Stellan was the one who had been watching me.
I waited until he went to breakfast, then slipped down the hall and let myself into his room, then slid my lock picks back into my pocket.
I searched his room trying to find the news feed for the hidden cameras. Maybe it made sense Stellan would be my stalker. Supposedly he had this intense secret obsession if he couldn't even be attracted to another girl, but I couldn't find anything on his laptop or in his room.
And yet, I doubted one of these guys was keeping secrets from the others, at least I doubted they’d keep those kinds of secrets about me. I could imagine the way the other three would react if they discovered one of them was peeping on me, and I imagined the rest of them being dangerous in their fury.
Yet at the same time, I could easily imagine all four of them agreeing that keeping a constant electronic eye on me was a good idea. If just one of them was stalking me, their anger wouldn't be because they were white knights. It would be because someone had left out someone else, and they all seemed to feel like they shared ownership.
I caught a glimpse of a journal in a drawer, and I picked it up curiously, then was horrified to realize it was Sophia’s. I hastily closed it and set it back in the drawer, my heart pounding. Seeing my best friend’s handwriting, I’d heard the sentence she’d written in my head, as close as I’d come to hearing her voice in years. My chest ached, and my hand trembled as I forced myself to close the drawer.
I wanted to read it all. I wanted to be close to her again. But Sophia couldn’t exactly give me her permission.
Had Stellan been reading these?
Sophia would have been pissed. My anger pulsed as I paced his room, debating what to do next.
His dark gray sheets and plain white comforter spilled off the bed, so different from when we were in high school. I used to peek in through his doorway when I followed Sophia toward her room, doing my best not to be caught because she always teased me about my crush on Stellan. Once when I’d started to get annoyed, she’d tucked her arm over mine and promised, “I want you to be my sister, believe me, I hope you marry that moron even though I think you deserve better.” I remembered there being a look in her eye I didn’t understand as she said it, but then she’d smiled, and everything had been okay.
The memory made a smile cross my face, then I thought about how Stellan couldn’t stand to have sex with anyone else, and my smile darkened. I crossed to his bed.
And that was why, when Stellan walked into his room, I was lying back on his pillows. He didn't seem as excited to find me on his bed as Cain had been.
Stellan stared at me for a few long seconds. “What are you doing in here, Aurora? And how did you get in here?”
He sounded tired, but his nostrils flared. His eyes were drawn toward my thighs.
I'd been playing with myself on his bed, replaying the day dreams I used to have about Stellan when we were young. All the girls in our high school had a crush on the tousle-haired star athlete with the easy grin. It sounded stupid now, but when I was a teenager, I'd loved all those stupid rom coms set in high school, where the geeky outcast girl and popular high school jock fell in love.
In high school, we traveled in different circles. I hung out with Sophia and her artsy friends. But even then I thought there'd been something about the way he looked at me, like he was drawn to me. I hadn't been sure if it had been my imagination or not when I was young and innocent.
Now I knew that I held that power over him for real. I'd been replaying those daydreams I used to have about Stellan kissing me. I’d never even let myself daydream about him when I was around the Demon; I was so desperate to protect Stellan and Sophia from the Demon, and just as desperate to stay.
But at night, I used to imagine what it would be like if Stellan kissed me openly in the halls, if he held my hand. I used to imagine my body pressed against his in the shadows of a high school party, the kinds where I was never invited. I used to imagine Stellan’s hands on my hips, the way his gaze would spark with lust when he looked at me.
Stellan’s eyes sharpened. “What are you doing?”
I stretched languidly, letting my skirt slip up. I hadn't bothered to wear underwear. Cain certainly seemed to hate when I did–except for the opportunity it gave him to steal it.
Stellan’s reaction to catching my hands between my thighs was instantaneous, his cock stiffening, his eyes dilating.
“Aurora,” he said, and I couldn't read his tone. Anger? Desire? Desperation? “What the fuck are you doing in my room?”
“There's nowhere that I'm safe from you, Stellan. I don't think there should be anywhere that you're safe from me.” I let my thighs fall apart, his gaze drawn to me so intensely that I felt it through my core. “I want you to think of me every time you lay down on this bed. Think about what you could’ve had.”
His gaze rose to meet mine, his brow furrowing angrily. “You're always safe with me.”
I let out a laugh. “You have got to be kidding me, Stellan. Or are you just lying to yourself?”
His jaw tightened. “What do you want from me? Am I supposed to be sorry that I've tried to push you so I could find the truth about my sister?”
“I want the truth about what happened to Sophia as much as you do!”
“Really?” His gaze met mine. “Then if you really weren’t involved… did you ask about her when you went to see the Demon?”
