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I checked that I had my knife and started down into the hole. I kept expecting the sound of the door slamming above me, but instead, I heard the soft shuffle of Stellan’s feet.
“Wait, Aurora, the flashlight,” he said. “Aren’t there any lights down here?”
I shook my head. “He liked it better this way… the only time there was any light for his… guests… was when he came down carrying one. Or when I did.”
The last few words, I said in a whisper.
I’d come down to feed them every day. They’d begged me for help.
As if by muscle memory, I moved to the table in the dark, found the matches still left behind, found the lamp and lit it. Stellan looked like a ghost for a second before his handsome features resolved into familiarity for me. Beyond the golden glow of the lamp was the familiar cage, the vertical board where my father had strapped his victims, the pegboard of neatly-arranged torture devices. My father knew how to make it so people took a long time to die.
My vision faded dark around the corners, the beginning of a panic attack coming on so fast I couldn’t fight it.
“Is there anything out of place here? Anything new?” Stellan asked, moving around the room to examine it.
I tried to focus, but I couldn’t draw a breath. I couldn’t stay standing, and I hit my knees on the concrete.
“Aurora?” he asked, and then he was kneeling in front of me. “Hey.”
Then he must have realized what was happening, because his voice turned gentle. “Stay with me. Out of the darkness…”
My gaze snapped to his. “How do you know…”
“You whisper it to yourself sometimes. I was listening. I pay attention to you, you know.” Even in the dim light, I could see the wistful way his lips twisted.
“I feel so guilty,” I admitted, knowing it was foolish, knowing I should keep my darkest thoughts to myself so Stellan wouldn’t leave me down here. If the Demon could go back in time, I knew he’d lock me down here and leave me to scream and starve and suffer. Stellan could exact the Demon’s punishment for his sister’s life and no one would ever know. “I should have killed him. I should’ve protected… everyone.”
Stellan gazed into my eyes, and my breath hung in my chest.
“If it was your fault that one man died,” he said quietly, “it was my fault too. The Demon wanted to move you because I fell in love with you. He was the monster, but…we were both the reason he wanted to move. I would never have left you alone. You don’t have to carry those deaths alone, Aurora.”
His lips tilted up in an attempt at a smile that didn’t quite manage. “You don’t have to carry any of those deaths.”
“Don’t I?” I asked. “I cleaned up his tools. I buried bodies. I…” I trailed off, looking away. “I hurt people to save myself. And I thought they were going to die anyway, but I… I should have been braver. I should have been better.”
My eyes blurred with tears, so I couldn’t see Stellan’s face. I could feel him watching me, and I was sure he was judging me.
Then suddenly, he gathered my hands in his. “Aurora. Whatever you did… you’re the only one who can forgive yourself. But if you need help trying to put things to rights, if Sophia isn’t the only one whose body you need to find, I’m here. I’ll help you.”
His lips brushed my forehead. “I need forgiveness too. I let my grief turn me into an asshole instead of using it to turn into a better person… someone who was worthy of Sophia’s memory. I betrayed her.”
His voice was full of sorrow.
I shook my head, blinking away tears. Now I could see Stellan clearly. His face was pensive and sad but his eyes were clear, the same bright blue as the ocean. He was always handsome, but this version of Stellan filled my heart with a longing ache.
“You don’t know everything I did,” I said. “It’s one thing to say I had to, but if you see every video, if you knew how weak I am…”
He shook his head. “I was weak too, Aurora. I don’t deserve to judge you. And if you can find those videos, if you want me to watch them, I will.” A muscle twitched in his cheek, as if he dreaded the thought. “And then I’ll still be there by your side. We might both hate ourselves…but we can find a way to live with ourselves. And with each other.”
I stared up at him, wanting to believe him, but not quite daring to do so. Stellan’s gaze on mine was warm even in this hell hole.
For a second, I teetered at the edge of a frail hope.
And then I heard the start of the chanting.
Chapter14
Aurora
