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I nod, sniffling against the shoulder of her scratchy wool sweater.
“Thanks. And thanks for going back to my place to grab some clothes for me,” I whisper. “I couldn’t stand to go back to the townhouse, especially because I don’t know if he’s there or not.”
Ramona nods. “I didn’t see Sam, but it was the middle of the day, so he was probably at work,” she says in a reasonable voice. But then she pats my leg and pulls back. “Wait a minute, you’re freezing, Har. Here, let me get you a blanket.”
My buddy darts off the couch and grabs a thick, crocheted afghan from a large basket on the floor before returning and spreading it over my form.
“There! My mom makes these and sent me a pile of them. She’s always crocheting, so I’ll get afghans even in the middle of summer,” she says, rolling her eyes. But I can hear the affection she has for her mom just from the sound of her voice and nod with appreciation as she wraps the plush blanket around my legs before tucking it beneath me. “There, snug as a bug in a rug.” Then, my buddy grins, grabs her own tea off the coffee table, and sits down once more.
“I think you’d be a good mother,” I say in a soft voice. “Thank you again for letting me stay.”
My friend nods, her long dark curls falling around her face with the movement. “Of course, Har. But you’re going to be a wonderful mother too, you know.”
My expression falls. “Maybe,” I say in a sad, defeated voice.
Ramona rubs my arm softly. Then she changes tactics. “So how are you feeling? Is the baby doing somersaults today?”
I smile at that.
“Yeah, they’re okay. Honestly, I’ve just been so schizo lately. Some days, I want all of this to be over, to move on with my life and forget this chapter entirely. But other days, heck even within the next minute, I feel like I’ve already bonded with this kid, as crazy as that sounds.” I look down and notice that my hand is resting against my belly in a protective manner. “I mean, is it fair to bring a kid into a world like this? Where you have no father?”
Ramona frowns deeply. “I don’t know,” she says in a slow voice. “Lots of kids grow up without dads, and they seem okay. Look at Barack Obama.”
I sigh.
“I know, but he’s kind of a super-star with a super-star mom, right? Meanwhile, I feel like I’m going in circles. Every time I think I’ve made up my mind, I change it again. All I can come back to is that I loved Sam, and yet Sam destroyed us.”
My friend bites her bottom lip, suddenly looking indecisive.
“What is it?” I ask. “Come on, spit it out.”
My buddy takes a deep breath.
“Well,” Ramona begins slowly, “at the risk of upsetting you, I know that Sam absolutely, unequivocally breached your trust.”
“Yes,” I state in a firm tone. “He did.”
Ramona nods, her brown curls bouncing.
“But what if—and I mean this as a big what if— well, maybe there’s a silver lining to all of this?” she ventures.
I shrug slightly. “Maybe,” I say in a dispirited voice. “I mean, yeah, I suppose.”
Ramona nods eagerly.
“Well, the baby’s a nice silver lining, right?”
I pause.
“I know what you’re getting at. All children are blessings, and that rigamarole, right?”
Ramona blinks.
“Yes, well sort of. But I mean there’s more to it than that, right? You know Venus and Serena Williams, right?”
I squint. “Um, sure, the tennis players?”
Ramona nods eagerly.
“Okay, so allegedly, their dad, Richard, stole his wife’s birth control pills so that she’d get pregnant with Venus and Serena, and look how amazing those two powerful, kick-ass women turned out! I mean, don’t get me wrong, Richard Williams is a little crazy himself and maybe it’s just a story, but Venus and Serena are amazing! Maybe your baby is like that.”
I shoot her a wry look. “I highly doubt I’m carrying a Grand Slam champ in my belly right now. Just saying. I’m unathletic, so I have a feeling this kid isn’t going to be too coordinated either.”
Ramona giggles. “Yeah, but Harlow, you know that’s not the point.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine, what’s the point?”
“Well, this could be your silver lining.” Ramona shrugs and takes a sip of tea.
I consider her words carefully. “But silver lining for what?”
Ramona looks thoughtful. “Well, you love Sam, right?”
“Loved,” I point out. “Past tense.”
Ramona shoots me a knowing look.
“Already?”
I sigh.
“Maybe not. Maybe I still love him. I don’t know. I mean, feelings don’t just go away in a week.”
“Exactly,” says Ramona emphatically. “And maybe getting pregnant was the push you needed to finally take things further with Sam. I mean, you kept questioning the state of your relationship. What people would say. How people would react when they found out he was your stepdad. Whether he even felt the same way about you, but now, you have proof of just how much he loves you.”
