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Silence.
I’m too embarrassed to say that the words still sting. The venom from his words still burns in my veins, even though I’m starting to understand what he meant.
He likes me as a friend.
Just not like that.
“Am I so gross to you that you couldn’t see me as more than a friend?”
His face scrunches. Then falters, his eyes blinking a few times. His long eyelashes shutter against his tanned cheeks, and his jaw goes slack.
“Doyou?” he asks, his chin jutting forward.
Do I tell him yes, I do like him more than a friend? That the love I see in my parents is how I hope to love him someday? That I could possibly love him more than the love I see my parents share? That hanging out with him for only these short couple of months has given me these feelings that I’ve never felt before? Boys have always been booger-ridden, butt-picking, dirty stinkers that ick me out more than anything else. But with Roman?
With Roman,everything is different.
Or do I lie?
“You’re just my friend, obviously.” I roll my eyes, even if my stomach guts in the process.
He smiles, his lips a little uneven as he bends over, placing his hand on the windowsill. His leg swings inside, and then the other. Then he’s in front of me, and even though my stomach is turning in an agony I’ve never felt before, I smile, and he wraps me into his arms in the first hug I’ve ever had from him.
My body jolts on the inside even though I know I’m still on the outside. His body is hot, like he’s got a fever or something. A complete contradiction to my own body, with my toes that are permanent ice cubes.
“Sorry if I made you sad, Luna,” he sighs into my hair, his voice muffled beneath my tresses. The puff out from each breath he takes tickles my ears.
“It’s okay.” My voice comes out choked, and it feels like he’s holding my heart in a strong grip. His smell has become so familiar, too. A combination of sunscreen and sand. It’s so perfect, and it makes me sad.
I step out of his hold, turn around and walk to my bed. Crawling beneath my covers, I wipe my eyes on my pink pillowcase before turning around to face him.
“What’s the matter?”
I give him a piece of honesty, even if it’s not all of me. “I’m scared about school. I don’t know anybody.”
He plops down onto the floor, and I toss him his usual pillow. He gets comfy, propping his hands beneath his head, elbow on the pillow so he can still see me. “You don’t have to worry. I’ll protect you in school.”
“Even from your own friends?” I lift my eyebrows. It doesn’t seem like anything will come between him and his friends.
He narrows his eyes. “They won’t do anything.”
I shrug, not totally sure if I should believe him or not.
“You’ll be fine, Luna.” His hand pulls out from behind his head, and he shoves both beneath his pillow to prop himself up further.
I roll over so my back faces him, nodding into my pillow. I can’t help the nerves in my belly, though. It happens every time I start at a new school. I can’t help it.
“Luna!” my mom shouts from down the hall. “It’s time to go! Harper is outside waiting for you!”
I rub at my stomach, the nerves having only gotten stronger over the past week. This morning they are so bad I even feel like I might get sick.
“Luna!” my mom shouts again.
“Coming!” I grab my Looney Tunes backpack and straighten my velvet green skirt and white top. The teeth from my white barrette in my black hair stabs at my skin, and I want to cry.
I hate first days.
My white socks have lace on the edges, and they’re shoved into a brand-new pair of shoes that aren’t even broken in yet. I’ll have a sore on my heels by the end of the day.
