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"So what does this mean? For me? For us?"
When she looks at me this time, her eyes are completely void of all emotion.
"No, don't you fucking say it, Luna." I point my finger in her face, shaking, fucking trembling in terror. “Don’t say it to me, or I swear to fucking God.”
“I think we’re over, Roman.”
Tears spring to my own eyes, and I go to grab her, but she freezes up, sidestepping my grab. “Please, Roman. I think you should go.”
“I’m not leaving like this,” I grit through my teeth. “I’m not leaving us. I’m not giving up on us.Are you?”
Her eyes fill with tears again, and I watch as one falls down her cheek. It bobs on her wobbly chin before falling. I reach my hand out, palm up, and catch her tear in my hand. I close my palm, keeping her tear, because it looks like she’s going to keep my heart.
“I don’t want to give up on us, Roman. But my life has beennothingthis past year. I need to go do this. I need to go figure out who I am. Without dance. Without… you. I need to find me.”
I step back, feeling a coldness in my body I’ve never felt before. The summer heat should be sticking to my skin, the heavy humidity creating a glaze of moisture on my face and arms and neck. But instead, I feel like I stepped into a walk-in freezer, locked myself inside, with no way out. I feel like my entire body is dropping degrees by the second.
I feel dead.
“So, this is it then? This is it for us?”
“This is it,” she says, her voice void of emotion. I drained that from her. I bled her dry. She has nothing left to give, and it’s all my fault.
I run my hand down my face, so much shock rocking through my chest. This is not how I imagined this reunion going. Quite the opposite, actually. I don’t know how to take it. I barely know how to breathe at this point. It feels like I have a knife sticking from my heart, but when I look down, it's just my plain black shirt, lifting and dropping with my heavy breaths.
"I guess this is goodbye, then," I say, bending down to pick up my duffle.
I turn around, seeing sadness bleed from every pore on her body. "Can I… can I give you a hug at least? One before you go?"
She opens her arms without another word, and I drop my duffle, stomping over to her and lifting her in my arms. I don't think twice, my hand going to the back of her head and bringing her lips to mine. If this is the last time that we kiss, I'm going to make it worth it.
I inhale every last bit of her, my greedy lips taking and taking and taking until I can't take anymore. I kiss her until she separates, gasping for air. I settle her down on her feet, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I will be here. I will always be waiting. One week. One month. One year. Maybe never. But I will be waiting for you. We're soulmates, and that doesn't just go away. I love you so much, Luna. Now and always."
"Now and always," she whispers, the words barely leaving her mouth.
I brush my thumb over her lips one last time, staring into her gray eyes. I'll never meet another Luna. Never again. She is it for me.
I just hope that when this all ends, I'm it for her.
I turn around, because I won't be able to take it if I'm in this room another second. Bending down, I lift the straps of my bag once more, walking out of her room without another look.
I only take a few steps down the hall when I hear her sob and a small crash, like she fell to the floor. I stop in my steps, wanting so badly to turn around, but knowing if I do, I'll never let her go.
Instead, I squeeze the straps on my bag, imaging I'm squeezing the life from them. I continue walking, heading toward the kitchen, and stop again when I see Luna's parents. Jane stands in the kitchen, her shoulder propped against the wall. She holds a Kleenex in her hand, pressed to her face as she silently cries. Charlie stands behind her, his hand on her shoulder and a sad look on his face. He looks at me unhappily, like he feels bad for this entire situation.
No one seems mad at me.
Everyone seems lost.
I don't say anything as I walk out, the door slapping behind me.
I walk across our yards, feeling so lost and confused. Almost like I'm drunk or on drugs. I don't know which way to walk, or how to form words on my tongue. Mosquitos are out, and I don't even swat them away as I walk aimlessly, the incessant bugs buzzing around my face. When I get close to my yard, my outside light turns on. The door opens, and my mom stands there, her own face wet with tears as she holds her arms open for me.
I drop my duffle, my eyes flooding with tears as a gut-wrenching groan rips through my chest. I'm not a man that cries, but for some reason, when it comes to Luna, my emotions are heightened.
I walk straight into my mom’s arms, my cries heavy and deep, my pain aching down to my bones. My heart broken.
I lost her.
