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“Rick, you have to stop beating yourself up over the past. My mother might not understand what you were going through, but she knows it was hell for you. For us. Relationships have broken apart over such little things. That wasn’t one of them.”
I didn’t want to talk about my parents. What was done was done. “I’m glad she’s not holding any grudges. But calling and telling them we are married - that was a stretch. You could’ve just told them we never slept together.”
Valentina grinned. “I don’t think I could do that with a straight face. I mean, I just look at you and I want you,” she said.
Like the way you’re looking at me right now?
I had to focus on what she was saying. “And you think you could’ve pulled off pretending we were married?”
Instantly I saw the hurt in her eyes. Of course, she could. At one time we thought we would be married. I’m such an asshole.
She got up and shook her head. “No. Because the man I marry wouldn’t ever have to question that. He’d know.”
I went to her side. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I…”
“It doesn’t matter, Rick. We’re not married. We never were married, and are not ever going to be. The cruise will be over in three days. I’ll be going home, and you’ll be going, well, wherever it is you go. This was wonderful while we had it, but I knew it was only temporary. My life is in Rhode Island. Yours isn’t.”
No, but my heart will be.
I could stay and explain a million reasons why this didn’t have to end, but she was right. I wasn’t going back to Rhode Island. I couldn’t. And from what she’d just said, she wasn’t going to follow me.
She had made a life for herself, just one without me.
There was no point in telling her we should make the most of the time we had left. It would only make it harder tomorrow when it was time for me to disembark. She was angry and the makeup sex would be fantastic, but after that high, will be a hard low, and I don’t want that for her.
Touching her cheek with the back of my hand, I said, “You’re right. We’re still on different paths, but I don’t regret that ours crossed again. You have always been the one I love, and always will be.”
Her eyes watered and she said softly, “And, you’ll always be mine.”
My heart ached as I knew this was goodbye again. I should stop her, pull her into my arms and never let her go. But I still couldn’t give her everything she wanted, and I’m not even sure I’m what she even needs. I’ve got to let her go again, and this time it’s killing me.
I kissed her briefly and said, “You have my number. Call me if you ever need me.”
She nodded, and I left her standing alone in her room.
Even as I made my way back to my cabin, I felt sick. Never before had my heart ached in such a way. How can leaving her now hurt more than it did the first time?
Doing the right thing wasn’t easy, but letting her believe I might return to Rhode Island one day would be worse. I was still haunted by my past, and she shouldn’t have to relive it with me.
Sorry, Valentina. I want to be the man for you, but I’m just not.
