AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter 11
Connor wasn’t sure which was pounding louder, his head or his heart. He couldn’t believe the things he’d said to her. He accused Krista of hiding a pregnancy from him.
The look on her face as he rattled off one accusation after another was bad enough, but for her to stand there, defending herself for something she wasn’t even guilty of was the worst.
Connor never thought he could hurt her like that. But those beautiful blue eyes, and the not so innocent smile, weren’t there. All he saw was disdain for him. He didn’t blame her one bit either.
But he wasn’t leaving this time. Not like he had before. All he needed was a few minutes away to catch his breath, gather his thoughts and figure out how the hell he was going to fix this.
He still didn’t have any facts as to why Krista had Miss Twanda’s baby. He knew she’d passed away. Maybe Krista was a foster parent. Or maybe she was just babysitting until one could be found.
Or maybe I should stop guessing and just fucking ask the questions.
Connor sat in his car parked at the bottom of her long driveway. It was just out of sight of her house. He wanted to be there, but there was no way he could think straight standing in her home. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and apologize over and over again. He knew she would accept the apology because she was that person, the bigger person. A better person than me.
But he wasn’t going to play on the good person she was, when he knew she shouldn’t accept his apology. He didn’t deserve it. More like an ass kicking. That’s more appropriate.
Her forgiveness would solve one problem, but not the big picture, what to do from here. He had no idea what she wanted, or even what he did. Damn it. I wish I could turn the clock back an hour and think before speaking.
They both needed a little bit of space right now but no way in hell was he leaving her. At least not any further than he was all ready. He turned the car off.
Connor had been surprised by some of the things she’d said to him. But everything was spot on. He hadn’t given her a reason to believe he’d be there for her if there were a baby. Each time the word baby came up, Connor put up a wall, and no way she didn’t pick up on it. Hell, he said it verbally several times. Why would someone risk reaching out and knowing the resistance they were going to face? It would’ve put an additional stress on Krista that she didn’t need.
Kind of like what I just did to her. God, she doesn’t need this bullshit. My bullshit.He ran his hands through his hair. I’m such an asshole.
But there was something within him that had changed. That’s why he had rushed up here to confront her. Although unwise in how he handled things, it did reveal something to him. He might not have been out trying to have kids, but the thought of Krista carrying his, changed everything. The only running he had been doing, was to them, not from them.
It would’ve been so easy for him to turn and pretend as though he never knew. But the thought that he was about to become a father, pulled at his heart like nothing before. He’d have walked barefoot on broken glass to get to them. Even his words to her, were the truth. He wanted to be part of his child’s life.
The hard part for him right now, was knowing she wasn’t pregnant. There was no baby. At least not his. He wasn’t going to be a father. A few months ago and he would have been out celebrating with a beer, maybe an entire thirty-pack. Instead he was sitting in his car fighting back tears. He…wanted to be a father. He wanted Krista to be the mother. It was crazy, but he knew it when they were together. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself.
Guess that is what love does to a man.
He loved her. Even when he left for Tabiq, he loved her. Even now, he loved her. The only thing that was preventing him from telling her, was the horrible timing. You can’t show up at someone’s house, treat them poorly, and then say, ‘oh yeah, by the way, I love you’. Why would she believe that? Love is not just a word, it’s supposed to reflect one’s actions. His actions today weren’t good.
It can’t be too late to fix it. Just what the fuck am I supposed to do? What do I say?
For Connor, this was uncharted territory. It wasn’t like the law, cut and dry. He might feel one thing for her, and she feels something entirely different for him. They might not ever be on the same page with their feelings. He’s seen it too many times in other people’s relationships. And just because he loved her, didn’t mean those feelings were returned. She never said them, nor did he. But they did have something, worth fighting for, baby or not, there was something between them.
He wished there was someone he could call who’d tell him exactly what he needed to do. Or maybe an article for recovering assholes.
As he sat in her driveway, the US postal truck turned in, and drove around him, heading towards the house. The mailbox was down by the road. She must have a package being delivered.
Connor beeped his horn and the mail truck stopped. He opened his door and walked over.
“Hi. You have a package for Dr. Chinto?” he asked.
“I do.”
“I’d be happy to deliver it. I’m going that way,” he said.
The driver looked back towards Connor’s car. “Looks like you’re going the wrong way then.”
So true. “I was just about to turn around.”
“Thanks, but I cannot give the package to anyone except for who it is addressed to.” He put the mail truck in gear and continued towards the house.
That sucked. It would’ve been the perfect excuse to see her again. What the fuck is wrong with me. I have the best reason there is already.
