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“Sweetheart, don’t cry,” Bennett said soothingly over the phone.
She hadn’t even realized she was crying. The shock of what she’d just heard left her feeling bewildered and numb. “Bennett, I have to go. I can’t... talk about this right now.”
Zoey disconnected the call and threw her phone across the room, hearing it crack on impact with the marble fireplace. I don’t care. Nothing matters. No one understands. Why is it just me who cannot get past what was done to us?
She grabbed a pillow off the couch and buried her tear-drenched face in it. Her entire body shook as she sobbed. Vicious, attacking words assaulted her mind. The hateful words her father said to her. How she’d spent her entire life practically locked away in the house without another living soul to befriend her. When her brothers attempted to include her, dear ole Dad beat them. When she wanted to go out to make friends, her father reminded her that no one wanted a slut in their presence.
Now she searched for the one person who could hopefully love her unconditionally, and no one else in the family wants to find her? A mother’s love is supposed to be... kind, gentle, and endless.
Zoey had tried to picture what her mother would look like, how she’d act. How life would’ve been different if she was there with them in the house when she grew up. It was a child’s fantasy to think she was anything but what she was. A person who abandoned us because she didn’t want us any more than Father did. How could she abandon six children? And how did she accept that? Six. Times. Did he keep her locked up somewhere too, only needed when he decided to procreate?
She didn’t know what her brothers thoughts were regarding their mother’s lack of presence, but it haunted her to this day. Zoey could tell herself anything, but deep down, she wanted, no needed, to know. It wasn’t about obtaining a family health history sheet. This was so much more personal. No matter what had transpired between her parents, the fact that her mother never contacted them even once left her feeling abandoned. Unloved. Is it really possible that neither Mom or Dad wanted us? We were just results of a physical act? Because that’s exactly how I feel. I just wish I knew if I was right.
She knew then what Bennett had been trying to tell her. Her brothers had already found what they wanted. It wasn’t a person. It was accepting their past. Not that they’d forgotten, but they’d moved on. Moved forward. God help me. Let me learn, let me heal so I can do the same. I’m tired; I don’t want to be in this dark empty place any longer.
Everything she thought she’d wanted seemed to change in a flash. The need to find her mother had always been there, but was now gone. Knowing her identity wasn’t going to wipe away what happened. If anything she might resent her even more for not being there.
Zoey knew the doctors wanted a family history to help determine what was going on with her. Maybe it was time she stopped seeking help from everyone else and turned to her family. Logan should be the one. Not Dr. Gupta in another state where I’m just another number, mixed in with hundreds of others.
That didn’t mean she was going to share with them about the in vitro she’d wanted. Perhaps being a mother shouldn’t be her goal. She couldn’t bear to bring a child into her life, as broken as she was. For all I know, I’ll be just as cold and hateful as my father was to me. I’d rather live my life alone than pass this sickness to anyone else. It ends with me.
She turned as she heard Bennett’s voice calling her name from inside the house.
“Bennett, what are you doing here?”
He looked panicked. There was no sign of the control she’d come to expect. In a moment he was by her side pulling her into his arms. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you. I shouldn’t have said—”
“Bennett, it’s okay. I’m okay.” She pulled back from him and wiped her cheeks. She’d found her strength. Not in him, but in herself. It must’ve been there all along, but she’d never tapped into it. Or maybe I have all this time, but I never realized that’s how I was able to survive my cold, lonely, and despicable life.
He looked deeply into her eyes and she smiled up at him. “You’re honestly okay, aren’t you?”
Zoey nodded. “Yes. For the first time, I think I am.”
She saw Bennett’s muscles relax. “You had me worried and in a frenzy; I tried calling you back, and it went directly to voice mail.”
Oh, yeah. My phone. Zoey pointed to the now-shattered device lying on the floor. “It had an accident with a wall.”
Bennett looked at the phone and chuckled. “They just don’t make them like they used too,” he teased.
She was glad he’d come looking for her. There was so much she wanted to tell him. First on the list was firing him. “Bennett, you can cancel your trip to New York.”
He arched a brow and asked, “Why is that?”
“I’ve changed my mind. Finding my mother isn’t going to give me what I want. It’s not what I’m searching for anymore.”
“What are you searching for?”
You. Zoey wasn’t ready to admit that to him. She’d barely confessed that to herself. But she knew she loved him. Not a flirtatious lust that’d be gone tomorrow. This revelation was something she felt deep within her soul. “Maybe searching was the wrong word. Unless you consider being able to search for yourself. Because during these last two weeks, I think I’ve seen more of myself than I have in years.”
Bennett brushed away one last tear that had escaped. “So what are you telling me?”
“You’re fired,” Zoey said in a sweet, gentle tone.
To her relief, he seemed as happy to be fired as she was in firing him.
“Good, then there’s nothing standing between us anymore.” Once again Bennett pulled her into his arms. This time his touch wasn’t one of concern, but of passion.
Before he could kiss her, Zoey said, “There’s a lot you don’t know, Bennett.”
