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“Yes ma’am.”
Shanda’s guess was right. This wasn’t a home-cooked meal, at least not by Marcy’s standards. But thankfully dinner was more relaxed, and the topic turned from her to business. Most of what was discussed had gone over her head. She knew about the stock market and investments, even though she didn’t participate in either. Both were a risk and you needed cash you could afford to lose in order to play.
By the end of the evening, Shanda was mentally exhausted and she couldn’t wait to get home. Kenneth was quiet most of the ride. She wanted to ask what his thoughts were regarding how it went, but didn’t. A part of her was afraid to hear his answer.
When they pulled into her driveway she asked, “Did you want to come in?”
Kenneth shook his head. “I have a meeting in the morning, and it’s already late. Besides, I think you could use a good night’s sleep. You look tired.”
Was he really just being considerate or avoiding telling her what she had already figured out? We’re not the match I thought we were. Either way, it didn’t need to happen tonight. He’d tell her eventually and she needed to make sure she was emotionally prepared.
She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and said, “Good night Kenneth.”
“Good night. I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said.
I hope so.She got out and walked into her house. Once inside, she locked the door behind her. She didn’t even bother turning on any lights as she made her way upstairs to her bedroom. Right now, she wanted to bury her head in her pillow and cry for what she was afraid tomorrow might bring.
Please don’t break my heart. For the first time ever, Shanda actually thought it was possible. Never before had anyone come even close to making her feel like he did. She felt the hot tears burning her eyes. Damn it. If this is what love feels like, I don’t think I want to love anyone. But was it too late?
Kenneth sawthe hurt in her eyes. Shanda had wanted him to go inside and make love to her, hold her. It’s what he wanted as well, but tonight he just couldn’t. There was so much that he’d buried inside so he didn’t say something that might unintentionally hurt Shanda. She had already been through enough tonight.
As he pulled out of the driveway, he instantly called Billy. He needed someone to vent to. Billy wasn’t a fan of his parents, so it getting back to his mother was slim, not that he really cared at the moment.
Billy answered and asked, “How did it go?”
“How the fuck do you think it went? Mother was…”
“Her normal uppity self?” Billy asked.
“Not in an obvious way, but yes.” He wanted to apologize for even bringing her there, but what could he say? That was his family and they weren’t about to change. Money and prestige were important to them. Hell, they were important to him. Maybe that is what pissed him off. He saw himself in his parents. “Shanda hated it.”
“She told you that?” Billy asked.
“No. She didn’t need to. She’s too…nice to say something mean or offensive.” Even when it’s true.
“What do you think she hated? Because from what you’ve told me, the two of you have really hit it off.”
“That’s a fantasy, Billy. Shanda wasn’t comfortable there at all,” he said.
“Hell Kenneth, I have money and I’m not comfortable there. Do you remember when Krissy and I attended some charity event that your mother hosted at her house?”
“I do. You didn’t stay very long.”
“No we didn’t. Krissy and I actually went home after and got into a huge fight. We almost broke off our engagement because of it.”
Kenneth had no idea. “Over my parents?”
“Not exactly. It was more that she was afraid she would need to change, to try to fit in. I love her for who she is. If Krissy had changed, I wouldn’t have wanted to marry her. It took that argument for me to really know what I wanted out of life. That’s when my life really changed. I like money and I enjoy fine things, but I love my wife,” Billy said. “Maybe tonight was good for you and Shanda. It is time for you to think about what you want.”
“I know what I want, Billy,” he snapped.
“Do you? Or are you holding on to what you wanted in fear of losing what used to be important to you? Because as your best friend, I think I can say this, your priorities are all fucked up. But it’s your life. You can go to bed and count gold bars in your sleep or you can spend your nights awake holding a woman who seems to make you happy.”
He hadn’t called to hear how this was his issue. Kenneth had expected Billy to agree that what he was feeling had been because of his parents, and not because his own emotions were in turmoil. “When did you get so fucking wise?” he said sarcastically.
Billy laughed. “When Krissy decided to love my stubborn, dumb ass, anyway. If it weren’t for her, I might still be like you.”
Before meeting Shanda, Kenneth would’ve taken that as a compliment. Now, he had mixed feelings. Unfortunately, the confusion also included what he felt about Shanda. Was this love? How could it be? They’d met less than two weeks ago. That was not long enough to even consider changing an entire way of life. It was lust, desire, and yes, he liked her, a lot, but that was it. Kenneth couldn’t deny who he was. I’m always going to be a Heart. It’s all I know.
