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Wait a minute.I didn’t want her seeing anyone else. And I didn’t want to think of some guy in her bed making love to her, either.
I’ll fucking beat anyone who touches her.
That thought startled me. I’d never been jealous. I didn’t like feeling it or thinking of myself that way. Here I am worried that she might believe this is getting serious, and I’m the one in over my head.
“Clark, you haven’t said anything. Should I assume you hadn’t thought this all the way through?” Jerry asked.
No. I never thought I’d be the one to fall.
“I know I need to choose my words carefully tonight. She’s…very special and I don’t want to…”
“Fuck it up?” Jerry stated.
Not that I liked his choice of words, but it was accurate. “Exactly.”
“Then once again, I suggest being honest with her. For the record, if she’s anything like Reanna, she’s going to know if you’re not. Women seem to have a sense that we don’t possess. If you have any real feelings for her, which I believe you do, I would think long and hard before talking to her. It’s easier to get it right the first time than it is to apologize later.”
“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” I reminded him.
“Hell yes, I am. I’m just lucky Reanna loves me enough to see past my many flaws. We’re great in business. Expressing our feelings is where we are lacking. Even admitting those feelings to ourselves, is hard.”
He may as well be describing me. So basically, I should cut ties now, because I’m as fucked up as the rest of my family.
“Thanks for talking,” I said.
“What are you guys doing tonight?” Jerry asked.
I sighed. “Having dinner with her brother and best friend.”
“Wow. Good luck,” he said.
“It’s just dinner.”
“No. It’s an inquisition. If you like PJ, I suggest you say as little as possible. Try answering all questions with a yes or no.”
If I answer them at all.
“Not all families are like ours. Some people get together and talk about the weather,” I stated.
Jerry laughed. “Let’s have lunch tomorrow and you can tell me how well that worked out for you.”
Smartass.
“I would, but I have a company to run, and I’ve been neglecting it too long already.”
“Now, that’s the Clark I know. Good luck with whatever you chose to do tonight,” he said.
“Thanks.” I ended the call.
I had some deep thinking to do before I saw her tonight. No matter what, I couldn’t see us having a future together. Whether it was tonight or a year from now, I’d fuck it up and she’d hate me.
Not more than I’d hate myself for hurting her.
