AllFreeNovel
Share Us
9
Ann
Okay,so there's officially no reason not to create the mating bond with my men. Rayne has given me permission, and even though I wouldn't normally consider myself someone who needs permission for anything, I realize I did this time. A huge part of why I was refusing to let myself feel this connection to my shadow beasts is because I felt like I was betraying Rayne. And the other reason was because some part of me had already accepted that I'd never love again. Like most people who lose their mate, I'd closed that part of myself off.
I know deep down that Rayne might not be here forever. I don't want to think about him not being with me, but I also can't plan my life around what the world does with his ghost. Whether he finds a way to be with me for the rest of our lives or he disappears tonight, there's no reason to pretend I don't love Onyx, Dusk, and Phantom.
Now, I just need them to understand that. And to be okay with Rayne being with me too, as long as he can be.
And as crazy as it is, I'm nervous to speak the words. To officially agree to this connection between us. To navigate Rayne and them, and make sure I don't screw up with anyone.
Not that I'm accepting that I'm the answer to this whole war. Not even for a second. But I'm no fool. I did something on that battlefield. My light, my ability to find the shards, it's all useful. And if the prophecy suggested I could help win the war, well, it isn't wrong in that regard. Just not that I'll be some savior of us all. I don't think I'm that by any means.
But I can't avoid facing all these hard conversations any longer, so I'm not.
It’s almost evening when I finish bathing in the river and return to the cave in clean clothes, apparently gifted to me by the only female shadow beast on earth, which I really appreciated. I’m refreshed, ready to face them, to make my position clear, to help them understand why things have happened as they did and what we do from here. My plan is to be clear about what I want, who I am, how important they all are to me. Most specifically, how much I want and need them. This is going to be an all-the-cards-on-the-table kind of night because if I can make sure they know how crucial they all are to me, maybe they can accept one another, accept Rayne.
The cave is alive when I walk inside, with light and the smell of food cooking over the fire, along with the sounds of voices that are low and not angry. My eyes adjust to what my brain is saying I see, and I smile. They’re talking, sitting together, eating. I stand frozen for a second, so I can take it all in.
I don’t have to fake my smile as Onyx brushes past me, takes a plate, and serves himself a slice of the fresh bread with his scoop of stew. I move to sit between Dusk and Phantom, across from Rayne, who offers me a nod and a soft smile, while Dusk eats like this is his first meal, or maybe his last, I'm not sure. Then, Onyx surprises me by handing me his plate of food and goes to make himself another one. After a minute, I feel a little of the pressure ease from my chest, then begin eating like a woman who hasn’t been fed in a lifetime.
"This actually isn't half-bad," Rayne says, giving them a teasing smile.
"One of us usually goes into town every month or two. There are some witches we trade supplies for, which allows us to get things like bread and spice," Dusk explains, and I can tell he's trying to be nice.
Rayne eats another spoonful. "I don't know anything about cooking. Our staff always took care of it at the mansion."
"We had a staff at our castle too," Phantom tells him. "But even so, we were expected to know how to do things like hunt and cook."
Rayne nods, and I follow their easy conversation with interest, wondering what the hell changed between them that they're talking so comfortably to each other now. "That wasn't so much our focus. My parents wanted me to learn politics, mostly. To know how to dance with young women, how to impress powerful men and women alike. I never enjoyed it much, but as the heir, it always felt like it was necessary."
"Being an heir is... difficult," Phantom says, and there's pain in his eyes once more.
"No matter what we do, we'll make mistakes." Rayne seems to choose each word with care. "I mean, I went and got myself killed after all."
Dusk laughs. Onyx, who's been watching the exchange, gives a snort, and I'm still staring at all of them trying to figure out this new twist.
"You guys are getting along." I don't realize I've spoken aloud until all eyes are on me. Instantly, I feel my cheeks heat.
"Smooth, darling, real smooth," Rayne teases.
I feel like my face is on fire. "It's just that the last time you were all together I thought you were going to kick each other's asses."
"She's not wrong," Dusk mutters.
"But we came to an understanding of sorts," Rayne says, and he won't look me in the eye, so I don't know what to think, but my mind is spinning.
"What kind of understanding?"
Dusk gives me a small smile that makes my heart race. "Eat first, fae."
Fae. He says it like a term of endearment. But, hell, he could have called mebitchin that tone right now, and I'd be swooning. Damn that handsome shadow beast.
"Fine," I tell him, then eat even faster.
Rayne smothers a laugh behind his hand. The mandoesknow me well enough to know that I'm not exactly the patient type.
After a few minutes, we finish eating and I look at everyone, taking a deep breath, but before I can say a word, Phantom says, “We need to talk.”
