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How can such small things ruin so many lives?
“Ann?”
I look up and realize everyone is staring at me, but it was Rayne that spoke.
“Are you okay?” he runs his hand along my back as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
“I’m fine,” I say, probably too quickly, then open the pouch on my belt and place the shard inside trying to seem normal.
Rayne clears his throat, then glances at the other two men. I catch it all out of the corner of my eye, then look up at them with a frown. The shadow beasts used to do this to me when we first met, communicate silently, so I feel oddly left out. On one hand, I’m glad Rayne has been pulled into their little fold, but on the other hand, I hate that I’m not part of the silent looks.
We keep walking, but tension builds between all of us. They hang back a little, and I know damn well they’re signing to each other, even though Rayne is still learning. I can feel their emotions, and almost curse the mate-bond between us, because without it I wouldn’t be as aware of the fact that they’re having a serious discussion without me.
Finally, I spin around and snap, “What?”
They all stiffen and have the good grace to look embarrassed.
Rayne rubs the back of his head, then sighs loudly. “After you fell asleep last night, we talked.”
My stomach drops.Talked?I’m pretty damn sure there’s only one thing they have to talk about, and it’s a discussion I should’ve been included in. But I wait. Letting these assholes tell me to my face.
Rayne’s gaze meets mine, and he drops his hand, squaring his shoulders that way that means he’s about to say something he knows I won’t like. “The only person who should be able to decide what I do with my life is me, and I’ve decided that I’m going to do as the elder asked. Tonight, if our enemies attack, I’m going to go into the Void, find the king, and take his body.”
“Rayne,” my voice comes out too high, so I take a second to try to sound unemotional and practical, then continue, “we know so little about ghosts, about… what you are now. What if after you leave Adrik’s body, it dies, and you have nothing to go back to? What if the king pushes you out and it accomplishes nothing? We’ll just lose youandPhantom.”
Rayne moves toward me and takes my hands. I yank them back, and he looks troubled, but continues. “This is a situation where every choice has its risks, so I made the choice I felt was best.”
“And I, as your mate, don’t get any say in it?” I feel desperate. I can’t endure the heartache of losing another person I love. And even though that might make me selfish, I just can’t. Not right now.
It’s all just happening to fast. First with Phantom. Now with Rayne.
“Ann, if you could risk your life to save Phantom right now, would you?”
I would, of course I would.“That’s not what we’re talking about!”
“Answer the question,” he says, his voice firm but also kind.
“If I went in there, Phantom would just kill me, or all of you. He’s not himself any longer, so I can’t save him.” I feel tears prickling my eyes and try to brush them away.
“You’re right. There’s nothing you can do to save him, but imagine you could. Would you?” Those light blue eyes of his hold mine, refusing to let me dance around the question.
Damn him!
“Fine! Yes, you know I would!” I throw at him like an insult, even knowing I’m going exactly where he’s leading me. Exactly where I don’t want to go.
He nods. “But you can’t. None of you can. But I have the chance to save him, and I’m going to.”
“No,” I deny, the pressure on my chest unbearable.
He takes a step closer, reaches for me, and strokes my hair gently… and I let him, moving even closer. Begging him with my eyes not to do this. “It has to be my choice and only my choice. I won’t have you all living with this.”
“But we have to live with your choice either way,” my words come out a broken whisper.
He looks grim, but then just leans forward and kisses me. Hard. So hard that I find myself clinging to him when he finally breaks it, and then we’re just staring at each other. “I love you more than anyone in this world.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, and hope blossoms in my heart. Maybe he’s rethinking this. Maybe he’s realizing that there could be another way. “We’ll think. We’ll figure out the best plan.”
He kisses me again, then pulls away, but his hand slips into mine. We walk that way for a while, picking up a couple more moon shards. All of us silent, probably lost in thought the way I am. My feelings bouncing between hopeful and crushed.
