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"Nope, but I may have been shivering before we started making my snowman."
"Oh, yours?" he asked, turning me around to aim me back toward the house. "Well, if she's yours, then tell that old hag goodnight, because I have a beautiful priestess to get all warm and toasty."
I looked back to see my very first snowman again, letting my head lean against his shoulder. I knew he wouldn't steer me into anything bad. Not even a pothole beneath the snow. Notmyguardian. He was too perfect for that.
"Hey, Talin?" I asked.
"Yes, darling?"
"Are you glad you went back to the temple yet?"
He leaned in to kiss the side of my neck. "You have no idea how glad. I think I was on board with this from the moment I saw Eladehl. And then when I realized that my ward was the woman I'd spent that night with? Well, it's entirely possible that I said a little prayer in my head on the spot. What about you? Are you happy with the Path you got?"
I hadn't really stopped to think about that. "I dunno. I mean, I'm happy, so that should be a yes, right?"
"Not necessarily," he pointed out. "You could be happy with your family, grades, or so many other things. How do you feel about being this amazing priestess who the High Priest hates, most priests think is either a fraud or a miracle, and who Zeal wants to crawl into bed with?"
I slapped his arm playfully. "It's not like that."
"It is completely like that," he assured me. "Oh, I'm sure he wants more than that from you, and I do not believe for a second that our god has done all of this because he wants to get laid, but he still wants to love you, Nari. Just like Ela, Wraythe, and I do. Because being loved by you is not just sex. It's this thing that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It's that smile on your face when you put the nose on the snowman. It's the moments of your life that you actually share with us that make it all so wonderful."
"I do, you know," I said, turning in his arms to face him. "I want to share all of this with you. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but if anyone would fit perfectly with Eladehl and Wraythe, it's you. Sometimes I can't believe how perfect we all are together, and I guess I keep waiting for the 'normal problems' that most partners have."
"But we're not partners," he reminded me. "Wraythe isn't your partner."
"Yeah, but most guardians don't have sex with their wards, so comparing you to a partner makes more sense," I countered. "And the simple fact that there's four of us? It's going to cause problems. Somewhere, at some time,somethingwill rub the wrong way. I know that eventually we'll have a fight, if for no other reason than because we're going to be together for a very long time."
"And we will figure it out," he assured me. "Nari, I love you too much to do anything else. I think it's fair to say those other two do as well. We'll make this work, and we are not going anywhere. Not ever."
"I know," I said. "This may sound like the fancy of a young and naive girl, but I really do know that. Not just because Zeal promised it, but because..." I opened my mouth and shook my head, unsure how to explain this unerring confidence I had in us. "Because I won't let you leave without fighting to get you back," I finally finished.
He caught my jaw and kissed me, harder this time. The pressure on his lips was from more than just passion. It was his way of showing he understood.
"I love you, Nariana," he breathed. "I never imagined I would meet anyone who made me feel like this, but I am so in love with you, and I will never give that up. I'll walk away from everything else in this world but you."
"That," I told him. "That is why I'm not worried at all. I love you too, Talin. Now please find me a fireplace so I can thaw?"
Chapter 56
Eladehl
Istaggered into my room with Wraythe right behind me. Every muscle in my body hurt. I'd whipped that woman until she'd been ready to use her safe word, bringing her right to the edge before I'd backed off. And then I'd fucked her. Oh, there'd been more to it than that, but right now, it was all a blur in my mind. Nothing more than the rush of seeing the fear in her well-trained eyes and knowing it wasn't an act.
"I'll run a bath," Wraythe offered, taking care of me in his own way.
I nodded at him in appreciation, but headed toward my bedroom while he went for the bath. That session had been structured as a lesson, and while I'd learned a lot, I had a feeling Wraythe had learned more. Still, there was one thing bothering me. I made it to my dresser and paused. I needed to get sleep clothes, or at least something to change into, and yet my mind was stuck, spiraling back around on one tiny, stupid detail. One thing I knew would eventually happen, but which I hadn't ever really wanted.
I'd had sex with a woman who wasn't Nari.
Bracing both hands on the top of the chest of drawers, I forced myself to breathe. To keep my composure. There was no way I could claim a female partner and not be expected to have female patrons as well. If I wanted to stay with only men, then my partner should've been a guy. But I didn'twanta man. I didn't want another partner. I wantedNari.
And I wanted that one thing to be for her.
"Talk to me," Wraythe begged, walking up beside me.
I nodded, but wasn't quite ready yet. Not about that. I could hear the worry in his voice, though, so I had to say something. "Are you still scared of me?" I asked him, glancing over to see his face.
"Never been scared of you, Ela. I've been scaredforyou, and I'm pretty sure I always will be."
