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"Is he a happy baby?" I asked, not even sure why. Mostly because the room was much too quiet.
"He is," Maela admitted. "Are you... ok, Nari? I don't even understand what just happened."
"I carried a god in my body," I explained, feeling so incredibly exhausted. "Yamina? Can you help me up?"
"Always, Priestess," the girl said, hurrying to my side.
"I need to be in a bed," I explained. "Preferably Talin's. I won't sleep, but I may lose consciousness. Carrying a god is a very heavy burden."
"Not your first time?" Yamina asked, bending down to grab my waist, then getting her shoulder under my arm.
"Wait," Maela begged, looking for a place to set Haryth. Sadly, the crib was no longer in one piece.
Yamina just ignored her, straining to help me up. "We got this," she grunted, even as I managed to get my feet under me. "Just open the doors for us?"
So Maela hurried ahead, still carrying her son. Yamina and I staggered behind. I felt like I'd been knocked dizzy, lost myself in drink,andhad just been completely fucked up. My legs didn't want to cooperate. My thoughts were too light and floaty. I was still conscious, but a lot of it had to do with my simple refusal to give up.
Together, the women got me not only into Talin's room but laid down on the bed with my shoes off. I let out a heavy sigh as I relaxed into the bed, but I still wasn't crashing. In truth, that warm-embrace feeling was still there, making me feel so much better.
"Nari?" Maela asked, easing Haryth down onto the bed by my legs. "What am I not supposed to know?"
"That your husband is not worth your love," I told her, edging around the truth. "Zeal thinks you are a wonderful person. He's..." I searched my mind, trying to find the right words. "He believes in you, Maela, and he wants to give you the chance to make up for Tath's mistakes. Zeal cares about the Ranndors." Then I looked over at Yamina. "And no, he won't tell me what he has planned for you, but he always seems happy when he thinks about it."
"How often have you done this?" Maela asked.
"Twice, technically. He rode Talin once, too."
"Rode?" Yamina asked, trying to hold back a giggle.
"Like a horse, putting on our skin as if we're no more than a set of clothes," I explained. "We become his steed, or something. The first time, I barely knew what was going on. This time, he let me peek. It's weird. It's also very humbling, because I promise I'm not that strong."
"Is this what you meant when you said he's real?" Maela wanted to know.
"Only a small part of it," I assured her. "He also walks the temple. He slips into my rooms, helps me study, and more. I'm god-touched, but so is Talin, my partner, and his guardian."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Yamina wanted to know.
"Because you'd never believe me if you didn't see it." I caught her hand. "Zeal is very real. He's an amazing man, and an even better god. I like to think of him as a friend, too, but in my Choosing, he asked me what I wanted. In order to get it, this was his price."
"What did you want?" Yamina asked.
"Hush," Maela chided. "That's not something she wants to share."
"I don't mind, actually," I promised. "I asked to keep my family. Always keep them. I told Zeal I would walk any Path he wanted if he'd just let me find a way to keep those I love, because I'm tired of being the thing that's cast aside." A smile found my lips. "He did, and then he did even better. He gave me your brother that night, Yamina. All I had to do was surrender completely. My Path, though? It's called Temptation, and I'm the only one to ever walk it."
"What are you supposed to do?" Maela asked.
"I don't know," I admitted. "He said it's a gift. I can make this Path be whatever I want."
"So what are you supposed to do?" she asked again, but this time the tone was different.
She didn't want to know what I had been charged with doing. She wanted to know what I planned to do with the amazing amount of power and privilege that a god had just laid at my feet. She was asking what I intended my Path to be. I almost admitted that I didn't know, but my weary and exhausted brain forgot to be worried about it for just a moment.
It was enough. In that split second between thinking and doing, I realized that I had a pretty good idea. All of this? It was a part of it. Not all of it, because the hour on the ice, skating with them was there as well. So was the moment when I held down the guardian while Zeal repaired his nose. The plan for my Path had slowly but surely been building, and every day since this lace had marked my body had all pushed me the same way.
"I want to restore the faith in my god. Real faith. To do that, I will be Zeal's conduit," I told them. "Not just to carry his body, but to help people accept that we're not going to abuse them. To show that temptation isn't evil. It can be hard, and it's always insidious, but so many times, it's what pushes us forward. I want to help my god however he needs it. I just want to be his."
"I think you're already there," Maela promised. "But now Ihaveto see you again, because I have so many questions, and you need to close your eyes, Nari. You need to rest. Yamina and I will stay right here until Talin gets back, ok?"
