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I caught his wrist, holding it there so he couldn't do it again. "And that's been happening all year. Why are you pissed now?"
His answer came back almost too soft to hear. "She wanted to practice for tomorrow."
Talin came back right at that moment, dropping a plate before me and another before Ela. Each of us had something light. Sandwiches, finger foods, and the sort of things we could all pick at. He'd also found a tall pitcher of water, which would keep Ela's head clear for a bit longer, at least.
"Practice what?" Talin asked.
Ela looked up, his dark eyes so tired. "For Eroticism."
Talin pointed at the food. "Eat. If you don't, we will make you. From the sounds of it, I'm willing to bet you skipped lunch, so make this easy on all of us, hm?"
Ela grabbed a cracker with some spread on it and popped that into his mouth. "Happy?"
"Getting there," I said. "Ela, I thought you two agreed on this display. You said she'd worked it out."
"And?" he asked. "Yeah, I'm going to give a little. She's going to give a little. We're going to make it work."
"So?" I pressed.
He took another bite, but I could tell that he was trying to act like he had this. He always put on this smug look when he wanted everyone else to think he was in complete control. It was a lie, and one he was good at, but I knew him too well to fall for it.
"What's really going on?" I asked. "C'mon, she's not here, and you know we're on your side."
"I left Anver with her," Talin said. "Still think you're going to hurt her?"
He refused to answer, so I took a bite of my food. Beside me, Talin shrugged and did the same. Eventually, Ela joined us, but we didn't say anything else. The silence began to grow thick, and it didn't take long to become awkward, yet still we refused to break it. Finally Ela sighed deeply.
"I want to, ok?" He refused to look up from his plate. "That's my problem. I know I can stop, and I'm sure I can control it. She's made it clear that she trusts me. I also get that Zeal chose me because of this, but I'm fucked up. Don't you two see that? She wants me to tie her up and choke her hard, and I fuckinglikethe idea."
"So do a lot of people," I told him.
The look he gave me was murderous. "I am not 'a lot of people,' Wraythe. I'm her partner. I'm supposed to keep her safe, not be something the two of you have to worry about."
"Not real worried," Talin assured him.
"I am," Ela mumbled.
I casually took another bite, acting like this whole conversation was no big deal. It was a trick I'd learned from him. Talin had shown me how to use it on him. I wasn't good at this posturing shit, but being the silent type was easy. Kinda came with the marks on my back. I was supposed to be the big, intimidating, and silent support. I also needed to push.
"Why?" I finally asked.
Ela's eyes jumped up. "Because it's what I do, Wraythe."
"Didn't used to be," I reminded him. "Until you fucked that guy, it was never a big deal, and not a single thing about you has changed."
"And you fucked that guyafteryou grabbed me by the ring," Talin pointed out. "So it's not like you didn't know how to be cruel before."
"You were actually known to be good at it," I said. "I remember you bragging about it. What fucking changed, Ela?"
He shoved a hand over his mouth, paused, then pushed away the plates. "I chased you into that room and the first thing I saw was her. Those big golden eyes, and they were filled with fear. She was helpless. She was scared and couldn't do afucking thingabout it." His voice broke, so he paused to clear his throat. "I've never seen Nari get scared before."
"But you still want to hurt her?" Talin asked, absolutely no judgement in his voice at all, just an honest question.
"No," Ela said. "I want..." He stopped, his brow creasing. "There are times that I just..." This time, he huffed in frustration.
"It's ok," I assured him. "Ramble it out, Ela. This is us. We're just trying to keep up so we can help."
So he leaned over the table, dropping his arms between us. "She's so fucking strong, and she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I just look at her and imagine someone that powerful giving in completely. The feeling of her trusting me that much - but I know better now. I saw her fear, and that's not what I want. If she's scared of me, how will I ever earn back her trust? Look at Anver!"
