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Ifelt like a complete failure. Every single time Oryll called me out in class, I turned into an idiot. One on one, I was fine. Even in small groups. And yet, as soon as all the eyes in the room landed on me, my brain simply stopped. Eladehl didn't have that problem. No, he loved the adoration of others. For me, it simply felt like one more burden to deal with.
Plus, I was failing that class. Every chance he could, Oryll graded me at or near failing. After the winter break, it felt like things were even worse. Everyone was whispering about my time with the baron as if they were jealous. Never mind that it had been a disaster! It didn't seem to matter at all that Talin was the man's brother! All they talked about was how I'd been singled out - again.
Thankfully, it was better in my Obligation course, although the instructor warned us that we'd soon be moving into an education outside the classroom. I actually looked forward to that. But as soon as we were released for the day, I heard the whispers start up again. My name, Eladehl's, and the baron's were all drifting toward me before I even made it into the hall.
Thankfully, Jamik was there, but not even he could make me feel better about this. I spent lunch telling him about Oryll's latest attempt to fail me. I wanted to push back. I wanted to find a way to fight. Sadly, I couldn't! If I made the man look like a fool - which I was sure I could do with Zeal's help - then he'd fail me. If I failed, I wouldn't be allowed to perform on the Path of the Body, which was where I could do the most good. That was the Path that gave me access to those outside the temple.
Needless to say, by the time the day was over, my guys were all looking at me a little too long and with worry in their eyes. I tried to blow the whole thing off, but it just wasn't working. Ela, however, was fine. It was like some weight had been lifted off his shoulders, although it had clearly crashed down on mine.
We were in our hall, almost to our room when Talin grabbed my arm. "Hey, I need to show you something," he said, tilting his head toward what used to be Wraythe's room.
Ela groaned. "Please tell me I don't have to give a tour?"
"Would actually rather you didn't," Talin said. "This is a guardian-to-desire kind of talk. Just need to make sure Nari and I are on the same page, and that means letting her see your toys."
Wraythe lifted his hand to rub Ela's shoulder. "Not anything she doesn't know about. C'mon, let's change for practice."
"We'll meet you in the Salle," Talin said, effectively letting them know not to wait for us.
Then he turned me into the room that was being made into a sex den. Not just any sex den, but a place for some serious pain play. I stepped in and Talin followed, easing the door closed behind us. Inside, the flooring had been torn up and new tile was being put down. Almost everything else was gone except for the table, chairs, and dresser. I had a funny feeling those would get pulled out soon enough, though.
"Who's tithing to Obligation for this?" I asked.
"Shalsa," Talin admitted. "She said it was important for him to have a space he could feel free in. Tile so there's no fear of stains, the walls will be painted a darker color for the same reason. A punishment cross will go over there, so it's not visible when the door's cracked." He pointed to the far wall.
I just headed toward the pair of chairs. "This is really hard for Ela, isn't it?"
He murmured a noise. I couldn't tell if Talin was agreeing or not, but he followed to claim the chair beside me. "Thisisn't the hard part. His problem is trying to balance his rage with his love. He loves you, Nari. You once told me that I have more in common with him, and I think you're wrong. I know how to deal with him in ways you don't, butyouare the center of Ela's world. I'm not."
"I've always trusted him in a way I can't explain," I admitted. "Even before we started hanging out as students, I knew he was dangerous. Everyone did. He and Wraythe were a perfect match. In truth, I was sure they were lovers because of it. I mean, at first. Granted, back then that meant holding hands."
Talin chuckled. "Yeah, I know what you mean. But something's bothering you, and it has been all day. I'm just hoping it's not this."
"No," I promised, waving him off. "This is pretty normal for him. Ela has this..." I made a gesture at my chest, trying to find the right words. "Zeal calls it a darkness, and I think that's the best way to describe it. He has so much anger, and it's just too easy for him to lash out with it."
"Wraythe says he's a little scared of him."
"Of Ela?" I asked.
Talin just nodded. "Not because he thinks Ela would turn on him or anything. It's more because he's convinced your partner doesn't have limits. He doesn't lose control. Heusesit, Nari. Ela takes his rage, his hate, and even his fears and makes them into something that cuts deep while the receiver is begging for more."
I looked at the ground and smiled, remembering how he'd destroyed Oryll in class. "It's kinda why I love him."
"It's also what he's scared of," Talin said softly. "That he doesn't have control of this. It's not that he'll hurt someone. It's not that you won't approve. He's scared that this need will get away from him while he's withyou. He's freaking out because he doesn't feel like he can control this!"
"But he already does," I insisted. "Don't you get it? He's scared of hurting me. That means he can't. He doesn't want to. It doesn't turn him on. I just need to teach him that the line between pain and pleasure isn't a well-defined one. He is allowed to blur the lines, and I really am strong enough to take what he has to offer."
Talin just nodded slowly. "So you're going to specialize in submission?"
That made my head jerk up. "What?"
"You two are partners," Talin explained. "You'll definitely be requested in tandem. Punishers like Eladehl are usually paired with submissives to take the abuse. I'm just not sure he could handle that."
"I'm not a submissive," I pointed out.
Talin nodded. "Yeah, kinda what I was thinking. So how is this going to work in the future?"
I just blew out a breath. "Talin, I'm not sure there's going to be a future. Oryll all but failed me in Eroticism again. I'm never going to pass this class!"
