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He'd also made it clear that he wanted me to do things for my own reasons, grow as a man - not just as his tool - and that I had to do this my own way. He said that I was loyal to a fault, basically. I was an initiate to learning myself as much as how to fight, and I hadn't really been doing that. I'd been so busy with doing my penance that I hadn't even realized it was done.
"What's that look for?" Wraythe asked.
"Have you ever gotten so used to something that you didn't know how to stop?" I asked.
Wraythe passed me one of the cups. "Feeling guilty, you mean?"
"Partially," I admitted. "But doing my penance. Trying to make up for the mistakes I made as a boy. I got it stuck in my head that the four of you would never forgive me, and now..."
The feel of a hand on my back was the only warning of Nari's presence behind me. "I was hurt because I wanted to be the most important thing in your world," she said as I turned to face her. "Now, I know that's Zeal."
"And you," I promised. "Don't make me choose, Nari. I can't. Zeal is my god. You have always been my girl, and Ela was my guy. Wraythe was my friend. I need all those pieces. I thought I needed Tishlie, but I was wrong. She made me feel like a hero, and I was so sure that I'd never be as strong as Wraythe, as brazen as Ela, or as brave as you."
"But you are," she reminded me.
I reached up to smooth her hair back, loving how silky it was under my palm. "But you don't need a guardian to fight your battles for you. You need one to hold you together while you do it. I'm learning. I promise I am."
So she snagged the cup from my fingers. "Good, then move so I can look sexy."
I just let my eyes run down her body. "I promise that you already do."
She was dressed, but casually. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, her shirt looked like either Ela's or Talin's, and her pants were ones she'd spent a lot of time in last year. Tight, sleek, and showing off every curve of her legs, they proved that Nari could make "dressing down" into a work of art.
Somehow, we managed to get dressed and get out of my room ten minutes early. That meant we had plenty of time for me to walk her to class before it started. The idea of showing up with her on my arm so I could pass her off to Talin made me feel like I was ten feet tall - but it only lasted a few minutes.
We made it to the end of the hall just as Tishlie and Ciella rounded the corner. That meant Tish had been in Ciella's room again last night. Ryshie was nowhere to be seen, but he'd been avoiding them as much as I had. Ciella's bare hands made her a pariah to everyone but my ward, it seemed.
Yet Tishlie couldn't ignore who was with me. "Anver!" she screeched down the hall, stretching her legs to catch up with me.
I just groaned. "Go ahead, you two," I told Nari and Wraythe. "Let me deal with her."
"You shouldn't have to deal," Nari reminded me.
"You're right," I agreed. "I gave her the chance to be civil. Now I'm going to make it clear that I'm done. It's ok. She's never going to change."
"You sure?" Wraythe asked.
"Promise." I patted his shoulder, then turned to face the priestess storming at me.
Nari and Wraythe kept going. They knew I was right. They'd known before I did. Tishlie loved the drama, and if there was no one to witness it, she stopped screeching as much. Usually. The problem was that she'd never forgiven Nari for capturing my heart. It was the one thing that had always been out of Tish's reach.
"What do you want, Tish?" I asked before she could start her rant.
She stopped before me and huffed. "Was she in your room last night?"
"Yup." I couldn't stop the proud smile that was curling my lips.
That made her scowl in a way that was not attractive at all. "What happened to being ringed?"
"Still don't fuck," I taunted. "I don't even fuck the most beautiful priestess in the temple. I also don't fuck the most beautiful priest in the temple. Thing is, I happen to know that if I wanted to, both of them would be down for it. So, what is your real problem?"
"You're my guardian," she snapped.
"Technically," I agreed. "You're also a shitty ward, so our bond is basically broken."
"What?!"
I just tilted my head and lifted a brow. She wasn't really that stupid. "The bond? You know, the one that every other guardian has for his ward? That little mystical attraction that makes us willing to die for you? It's. Gone."
