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Chapter 39
Nariana
Iwas in love with Zeal. I'd said I needed time. I'd thought I should get to know him more. I'd been wrong. I didn't love him because of his favorite color or what he did in his free time. I loved him because I knew I could trust him, and the guys had all experienced that realization along with me.
We didn't need to talk about it, and yet I still did. I wanted to make sure that each one of them knew I wasn't neglecting him. Wraythe, Ela, and Talin were easy. It was the next day, when I tried to bring it up with Anver, that things got complicated. He'd met me after my First Aid class, walking me home for some reason, so I decided there wasn't a better time.
"So, yesterday," I started.
Anver just made a noise, cutting me off. "Right now, I feel like everything's happening too fast," he told me. "We weren't friends, then we were, and yesterday I experienced sexuality for the first time."
"And all of our emotions," I realized.
He nodded, pausing in the middle of the quiet hall. "I also know that Ciella whined to Tish about Ela cutting her. Tish bragged that she fucked him. Zeal is in love with you, you're in love with everyone, and I'm still trying to accept that this isn't some kind of setup."
"Really?" I asked. "You just sat down and started giving orders."
"And no one laughed at me!" he shot back. "Did you know that Talin thinks I'm attractive? Wraythe feels comfortable with me. Ela loves me."
"What about me?" I asked.
He shoved his hand over his mouth. "Nari, you felt like Zeal in all of that, like you were the focus of it all."
"I still love you, Anver," I told him. "I have for so long. Maybe it started as friends, then it turned to disappointment, but it's always been love."
"Yeah, but what does that really mean?" he asked.
"It means I trust you," I said. "It means you make me happy. It means that I liked that you were there, giving orders. I want you to be a part of us - however you want to join in. I liked sleeping against you, and I'm tired of pretending like there's some distance between us where there's really not."
"Ela, Wraythe, Talin, Zeal, and now me?" he asked.
"And Amerlee, Jamik, Shalsa, Irila, and Saval," I agreed. "They're the closest thing I have to parents. You guys are the closest I have to husbands. Maybe I'm greedy, but the fact that you all care about each other makes me feel like that's ok. It also doesn't matter, because we work, Anver. You're more my guardian than Tishlie's, and I think you're just as close with Ela. I don't even care about the fucking snakes! I just - "
His mouth pressed into mine, cutting off the rest of my words, and he kissed me the way he used to. It didn't matter that we weren't hidden away in my suite or that anyone passing by would see it. Anver kissed me with passion and need. He kissed me with love. My arms wrapped around his neck on their own and I leaned into it.
"I never stopped loving you," he whispered against my lips.
Feeling my mouth curl into a smile, I pressed my face against his neck. "I know. I felt that too."
When we made it back to my place, there was a little awkwardness between the five of us. It was strange to know that we'd all shared so much more than just words and touches. Not bad, just new and a little hard to comprehend. Heading to the Salle that evening for some training helped, though. There was nothing like a hard workout to get our minds back on track.
That weekend, Maela had to cancel. Maela's letter was vague, but it said enough to make me think that Tath had figured out just which women she was spending so much time with. I wanted to check on her, but I couldn't. Talin, however, had an idea. He sent a letter to his sister, Yamina. She admitted we were right.
Tath was on a rampage. Someone had told him about his wife's obsession with the priests and priestesses from the Temple of Temptation. He was adamant that she was embarrassing him. Maela had countered with the fact that if she was pregnant, then maybe she'd spend more time at home, but he seemed to want to stick his dick everywhere but in his wife. The words weren't the sort of thing a well-born lady should say.
So the entire household was tense, it sounded like. Amerlee said it didn't matter. She wanted to take me out for the day anyway, but we opted to leave Ela and Wraythe behind. The leaves were just starting to turn colors, but the temperatures were still nice. Cool instead of hot. It made the walk really nice.
When we got there, Talin and Jamik decided to sit together at a different table, giving us some semblance of privacy. I was about to tell them not to, but Amerlee said this was a mother-daughter conversation. She wanted to know all about my relationship with Zeal.
I told her, leaving nothing out. While talking about sex with Jamik was a little weird, it had always been different with Amerlee. She'd been the one to teach me the concepts necessary to be safe. She'd never tried to hide both the good or the bad parts. So, when I explained about not only sex with Zeal but also the intensity of making love to a god, she was relieved.
"I knew you were in love with him," she said. "I could tell he was falling in love with you. I just wanted to make sure that the pair of you had discussed it, and I can't really tell a god what to do."
"You could," I countered. "I think he respects you, Amerlee. I get the impression that the more powerful he gets, the more he's trying to make our lives easier."
"The people you care about," she said. "Nari, that's a present to you."
"And it works to your benefit." I just lifted a brow, making my point. "Zeal chose you to mentor me. He tempted Jamik to take an interest as well. Saval, Shalsa, and even Irila were all nudged by him. That means he approves. He wouldn't have done that - because back when I was a child, he saw me as nothing but a tool - if he didn't respect you."
