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Chapter 10
Eladehl
Ipulled on nothing but my pants, left Nari behind, and stormed across the hall. Wraythe followed like he always did. Talin would take care of Nari, and I didn't think Quin would hurt her. He also didn't seem to realize that she'd pushed me. Prodded might be more accurate. Nari had wanted me to do that, and I had. I'd brought Faylie to the edge, and then I'd played in her blood with Nari watching.
And I wasn't ashamed.
I wasn't sure how long that would last, but looking at the blood clinging to my hands didn't make me worry - yet. Then again, that was how this always went. When I finished a pain session, I felt like I was on top of the world, until the adrenaline ran out. Then, I hit rock bottom, feeling as if all of my flaws were the only things anyone could see about me.
I didn't even need to talk about it. I knew how to deal with this, so I headed to the bathroom. Just as I stepped in, Wraythe pushed around me to start the water while I got out of my pants. My fingers were starting to tremble. I couldn't stop thinking about how easily her skin had parted. That was why I'd always avoided the blade before. It wastootempting. Too addictive. Too close to seeing Talin laying on the ground, but Nari had wanted me to use it, so I'd given in this time.
"You ok?" Wraythe asked as he pulled out towels for all of us.
"I will be," I promised, "but it's starting."
"Talk to me," he begged.
"I cut her," I whispered, looking at my hands. They were sticky, and I hated how it felt. "I put Zeal's marks into her body. There's something seriously fucked up about that!"
"Not for a priest," Wraythe assured me as he pulled off his shirt. "What's it like, Ela? This need to hurt people like this. What does it feel like?"
"Like vengeance," I breathed. "I hate them. I desire them too, but the hate and the calculated need to make them pay is right there. When I look at Faylie, I see Tishlie slapping Anver. I see Ciella taunting you for never having kissed a girl. I see every woman who's been a bitch, every person who thought they were better than us, and all the people trying to tear us down, and for a moment,Iam the one with power."
Wraythe palmed both sides of my head, then kissed my brow. "You're so strong, and you look glorious when you do it."
Relaxing, I fell against him, knowing his arms would catch me. "You don't even like guys like that," I mumbled against him.
"Nope, and I can still see it," he promised. "Plus, having Nari help you fuck that woman was hot. Well, in a sick and demented sort of way."
"She's not scared of me," I breathed.
"She's not scared of much," Wraythe assured me, turning me toward the tub. "Want company in there?"
"Please?"
He nodded, waiting until I was stepping over the edge before getting out of the rest of his clothes. Then he crawled in behind me, pulling me up against his chest sideways, like a child. That let me rest my cheek against his shoulder. There was something so intimate about this, and so trusting. It made me feel vulnerable, but in the strongest way, as if this was proof that I trusted him completely - and that he loved me in his own way.
"How bad did I hurt her?" I asked, meaning Faylie.
Wraythe seemed to understand. "You've done worse, but she'll need time to heal. When you're feeling better, we'll put together some of that money you've earned over the summer and send her a tithe, ok?"
"Really?"
He hugged me closer. "Yes, Ela. Believe it or not, it's ok to care about other people. None of us think that your friendship with your instructor is the same as what you feel for us, ok?"
"I love you, you know."
He murmured, his voice a deep rumble in his chest that I loved. "Yeah, I know. Might be cruel, but I kinda like that you do. I also know that you don't mean as friends. Still feels good to have a man as impressive as you think about me like that, even if you don't get me hard."
That was enough to let me laugh softly. "I happen to think you're as sexy as Talin, but in a very different way."
"Like how Nari's all sensual and perfect, but some girls have big boobs that could be fun to play with?" he asked. There was a hint of teasing to his words, but I got the feeling that he was honestly curious.
"Kinda," I said. "Talin's like Nari. All grace, poise, and power. You're like Shalsa. A little exotic, not what people first think of as sexy, but the kind of thing they appreciate as soon as they see it. It's not that either of you aren't beautiful. It's that society tells us we shouldn't see that first."
"But Shalsa's gorgeous," he pointed out.
So I poked his chest, right on one of those massive, flat muscles. "This is gorgeous. I even like the bit of hair you've got going on."
