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His bicep bulged as he gripped himself, but that didn't stop the ropes of cum from spattering against his belly. They matched the pulses of my own pleasure, even as Zeal tried to drive me even higher, but I was gripping him too hard, holding nothing back, and he was drowning in both of our pleasure. My god came, hard, growling in a voice that no human's could ever match. The sound was deep, sensual, and right beside my ear, just before I felt his body pumping into mine.
"Fuck," Anver panted. "Oh, fuck, you two are too pretty."
And Zeal pressed his lips to my shoulder and chuckled. "And you, my Shadow, love like a god. That's what you got instead." Zeal kissed the back of my neck as he withdrew from my body, and then he pulled both of us down onto the bed beside Anver. "She can make a god into a man, and a man into a god. You, Anver? You just make me feel like I'm not alone."
Anver reached up to lace his clean fingers with Zeal's and they both moved around me, gently stroking my skin as we enjoyed the afterglow. A smile was stuck on my lips as I reached back to hold Zeal against me. Then I tossed my leg over Anver's, hooking our knees together, because I just had to touch them both.
"I love you, you know," I whispered.
"He knows," Zeal promised. "He doesn't know why, and he thinks he doesn't deserve it, but he still knows."
I just looked back at him. "Do you know, Zeal?"
Those eyes of his held mine. "I do. I'm also scared that something this good can never last. I'll still do whatever is best for you, even if you hate me for it."
Then he leaned in, kissed my shoulder, and was gone.
Anver sighed in annoyance. "Which means he's avoiding something again." But he scooted over and made room for me to curl against him. "I'm also trying to learn how to be sexual, Nari."
"Don't," I begged. "Anver, please don't ever be anything but you. I like sex. You don't. You like connection and intimacy, and you know what? That's all I need. I need you, just like you are."
He reached over to sweep my hair back. "But I like to share this part too. It makes me feel..."
"Connected," I supplied. "And it's ok. You can like to be included without wanting to cram your dick in anyone. You can experiment if you want, like that."
He smiled at me shyly. "It doesn't really do anything for me, you know? Playing with you? I want to be good to you, but I don't get excited about that. I get hard because of your beauty, because you let me see you hold nothing back. I like watching you fuck those guys - even Zeal - but it's the same way I like looking at a sunset."
"You jack off to sunsets?" I teased.
He chuckled. "Sometimes. It's more like needing to piss. There's a pressure. It relieves it. It feels nice, so I don't hate it. I don't long for it, though. I long for... this." He gestured to how we were lying together.
So I curled my leg around his a little more. "I like this too. I like it when you hold me. Naked, dressed, or any other way. I like how I have always felt safe with you, Anver."
He pressed his lips together. "And that, Nari? That's what I was chasing. It's all I've ever wanted, and I didn't think I was enough to make it happen."
"I think you're enough," I promised. "I always have."
His fingers slid through my hair again. "So you know, I love you too. I could never stop. I have always loved you, Nariana, and I always will. You're a part of me that I never want to lose."
"Or me you." And I pressed my head a little deeper into his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his chest to hug him close. "Never again."
Chapter 57
Anver
When I went to let the guys know all was well, I realized that the only clothes on the floor were mine and Nari's. Zeal had taken his with him. Talin convinced Nari to have a shower before bed. Ela and I changed the sheets. Wraythe had fallen asleep on the couch, so we only woke him when the lug could be moved into the bed.
The next day, we slept in. Thiemo didn't come visit this time, but none of us were surprised. Instead, we made a point of handing out Maela’s letters to the people we knew needed them, making it clear that there were more. After that, Nari tried to fill us in on what Zeal had said to her before I interrupted.
Our god was clearly worried about something, but he hadn't been willing to say what. Nari thought it might have something to do with all the divinity he'd been spending lately - including the power to allow us to see his siblings.
Talin agreed that Zeal seemed a little more, well, human, for lack of a better word. The question, though, was if that was because he was truly less divine, or was it simply because he was finally comfortable around us? The one thing none of us could figure out was whether spending his divinity was a permanent thing, or if it was something he could recover over time.
Personally, I liked this new, softer version of Zeal. I also liked to think that it was because he cared about me. In the middle of all of that, I'd honestly felt how they both felt - about everything. Including me. The first time I'd been with Zeal when he had sex, I'd been so overwhelmed with the sensations and mingling of minds and bodies that I hadn't been able to keep up. This time had been different.
I'd felt sexual desire. His. Nari's. They looked at each other and felt lust. They wanted to touch, to please and be pleased. They longed to connect in a purely physical way, and I had never felt anything like it. I looked at Nari and saw how elegant she was, how her pale, sheltered skin contrasted with her nearly black hair, making her gold eyes look like jewels. I could appreciate the shape of her lips, how her lace enhanced her curves. I could see the aesthetic beauty of her, but I could say the same for Ela, Amerlee, Shalsa, and so many other priests and priestesses on the Path of the Body. None of that made me want to touch them.
The strange thing was how much I'd liked it. All of it. Finally understanding what Nari felt, knowing that she really did love me, and feeling her excitement at having me there. Not only that, but she thought I was hot. When the week started again and I headed back to my classes, I found myself randomly smiling about that one little thing: the most beautiful woman in the entire temple found me attractive.
