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"No," I promised. "Talin, you're her guardian. That woman loves you."
"And she loves you too," he reminded me. "She has for longer than she's known me, I'd like to point out. She loves you so much that she called me off when I tried to put you in your place."
Yeah, I remembered that day. It was one of the happiest of my life. It hadn't been then, but looking back, I could see that it was the beginning of us coming back together. It had been the moment when I realized that no matter how hurt she was, Nari would never lash out at me. By stopping Talin, she'd still been protecting me, and I'd finally been old enough and wise enough to realize that wasn't a bad thing.
Slowly, I looked up to find Talin's gaze waiting. "I felt sexual attraction," I told him, trying to explain. "Hers. I mean, you know how it is with Zeal. Everything is shared and souls blend together. I got to see that, Talin. His lace colored her skin. Hers showed on him, but it was harder to make out. I was right there with them, and she was watching me. She desiredme, Talin! Me!"
He just ducked his head and laughed softly. "So that's it, huh?"
"What is?"
"You just figured out that you're hot?"
I blew that off. "Jamik. Harlin. Wraythe. You. Ela. Osas. Grath. I can name a thousand men in this temple who put me to shame. I'm not the best swordsman - "
"But you might be the best with a dagger," Talin countered. "You also make Jamik work for it, and you've dropped Irila twice."
"Yeah, but - "
"Stop," he begged, lifting up just so he could turn his back to the rail and give me his complete attention. "You're sexy, Anver. I'd also like to point out that Wraythe thinks he's ugly. Ela's also the best-looking man in the temple."
"You're not far behind," I mumbled.
He flashed me that charming smile of his. "I'm also not asexual, but I've had friends who are. I know that when we look in a mirror, it's easy to see our own faults and hard to find the good things. On top of all that, I know what it's like to be blindsided. Maybe not the same as what you had the other night with those two, but I have a pretty good imagination. I'm just hoping it wasn't the sort of thing that's going to make you pull away from her, because I don't know if Nari can take that."
"No," I promised. "Talin, I have no urge to pull away. For the first time..." I paused, struggling to find the right words. "I know what she feels now. I felt her sexuality. I was wrapped up in her lust and whatever it is that Zeal has. I also can't stop thinking about one thing he said."
"What's that?"
"He told me I love like him," I admitted. "Nari thinks that I love her soul. That's the part Zeal touches, Talin, and it's the best description I've ever had. I love the person, I want to be a part of their lives, and I think the four of you are beautiful to look at. The problem is that I don't want to fuck. I don't care about licking cum off someone's abs or sliding into their body. I want to feel her melt against me. I want to wrap my arms around Zeal when he's tired of being a god. I want to crush Ela in my arms when he thinks he's not worth anything."
"You want to protect them," Talin said softly. "You want to keep them safe."
I just nodded slowly. "Yeah. Zeal told me I needed to become, and I've been trying. The problem is that it's hard to become something if you don't know what you're trying to change into, and he'd never tell me. He told me it was my decision, my life, so my choice to make. But the whole time, he admitted that he was pushing me for something, and I think I've finally figured out what."
"What's that?" Talin asked.
I had to lick my lips because my mouth felt a little dry. For all I knew, this idea was stupid. He'd probably laugh at me, and then I'd have to start all over. Still, better now than later.
"I realized at some point," I explained, "that Wraythe doesn't protect their bodies so much as their hearts. You, however, protect their bodies. Ela protects their pride. Their minds, I think is a better way to put that. The way he fights might be dirty - and usually naked - but Ela destroys anyone who can hurt how she thinks of herself." I paused to swallow. "And you keep them physically safe. It doesn't matter if that's in a social situation or shoving a man off Nari in a session. You guard their bodies."
"So what do you guard?" he asked.
I just looked out over the street below. "I want to guard their souls. If Wraythe is the safe place to fall, I want to become the safe place to rise to. I want to make sure they know they won't get lost, can always find their way back, and that success isn't something to be afraid of. I want to be the buffer between Nari and all the shit that gets thrown at her, between Ela and the darkness that tries to consume him, between Wraythe and his fears."
He pushed out a breath. "And me?"
I bit my lips together and looked back. "I don't know yet, Talin. I kinda get the impression that you're becoming too."
"Yeah," he agreed. "I'm really trying to, and it's the most terrifying thing I've ever done."
So I reached over to lay my hand over where his rested on the marble railing. "Why? What are you so scared of, and how do I help?"
Chapter 58
Talin
The heat of Anver's hand on mine contrasted with the cold stone pressing against my palm. His question sounded so simple, but it wasn't. A million ways to answer sped through my mind, and I discarded all of them. So, pushing myself off the railing, I moved to the other side so I could lean against the inner wall of the dome room.
