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"But it's what we feel," Nari said gently. "It's all we know, Zeal, and we feel these things for you too. We feel that pain when you're gone."
He turned his head and pressed his cheek into my shoulder so he could still see her. "I spent too much of my divinity. I don't know if it will save my siblings, but I had to try, and it might cost me all of you."
"I'm not going anywhere," Nari promised, moving to sit on the couch before us so she could reach up and take his hand.
Anver slowly made his way over to join her, gently caressing Zeal's back. "We aren't going to leave you, Zeal. Not even when it's hard."
"You say that now," he mumbled. "What happens when Talin realizes? When he pulls away. When the bonds are broken and I've destroyed it all?"
"Hey," I chided. "No. That's called wallowing, and it helps no one. Worry all you want, Zeal, but only if you're trying to fix it. Do not get lost in our human emotions. Use them."
"How?" he begged.
I shifted my arms so I could press his head against my shoulder. "You ask for help. You learn how to cry. You fumble through an apology. You stop and understand that your words and actions have power, and not just the divine kind. Most of all, you let others in because we want to be here."
"But I'm not a kind god," he said again. "I'm a cruel, destructive force. I am the darkest of all of us, so I'm not the one to save us. I should've let Merci have her. I shouldn't have been so greedy. I should've just stepped back, because I can't do this."
"You," Anver said, shifting to his knees to look right at Zeal, "are a cruel god, but this is a cruel world. Merci would never have had the power to make change. You did. And I know that no one wants to say it, but fuck Tath. No, I didn't want him to die, but I also didn't want him to try to rape Nari. He chose."
"He'll be happier," Zeal admitted, unaware that he'd just admitted there was an afterlife.
And as much as I wanted to ask about that, I knew this was not the time. "And you?" I asked him. "Will you be safe now? Are you fading, Zeal?"
"I can feel humanity," he admitted, finally pulling back so he could look at me. "It hurts so much, and it's Talin. I didn't know. I thought I was taking a risk, but I had no idea, and now I don't know what to do. Do I stay away from him? He won't want to see me. Do I tell him I'm sorry? But I'm not! How do I comfort him when I'm the cause of his pain?"
"We'll comfort him," Nari said. "He'll be ok. So will you, Zeal."
"And we're not going anywhere," Anver swore.
Zeal just pushed out a heavy breath and then looked at me again. "Help me? Show me how to hold these things the way you do?"
"Carefully," I told him. "Emotions are fragile things. It's like catching a butterfly in your hand. If you grip too hard, you crush it, destroying the good parts. If you don't hold at all, then it simply passes you by. Hold gently, but don't be afraid to hold on, Zeal, because the experience is what makes us stronger, and you will become the strongest god of them all."
"Become," Zeal breathed, latching onto that word. "It's not as easy as I thought."
"But it's also worth it," Anver promised. "Even if you don't know what you're becoming."
"Better," Nari said. "The point is to become something better, and that's all that matters."
"Ok," Zeal breathed. "But how do I tell him? How do I admit to something that hurt him this much?"
I realized he meant telling Talin that he'd tempted Tath to kill himself. "I'll do it," I promised.
"And when he leaves us?" Our god's eyes turned to Nari in desperation.
Her mouth moved like she wanted to answer, but she hesitated, licking her lips as she changed her mind. "We'll figure it out. That's also part of being human. But are you human, Zeal? Is your divinity gone?"
"No," he promised. "It's low, but it will come back. That doesn't mean the bonds will fade, though. They go both ways, and the stronger I get, the more I will feel, and I don't like it. I can't breathe like this. I can't function! I don't know what to do!"
"Then we'll help," she swore.
Zeal pressed his hand over his mouth, pausing as he heard her words. "Like you do for each other. Like a partner. An equal." Then he looked at me. "Please tell him gently?"
And then he was gone, but I hadn't missed the tear that was ready to fall from his right eye. For a long moment, we all just stood there, staring at the space where a god had once stood, struggling to understand what had just happened.
Anver spoke first. "He tempted Tath."
"And Talin's paying for it," Nari realized.
