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As Talin blurted out, "Why did you - "
And they stopped again. After a second, Talin tipped his head at Zeal, giving our god the chance to go first.
"I didn't understand," Zeal admitted. "I knew how much I missed people when they were gone, but I didn't understand true grief. All this time, we thought it would take lifetimes to get strong enough to alter your world again, but we didn't expect Nari. We never could've guessed that one woman would be strong enough to grow the belief in me the way she has. My siblings are all hanging on, and I can share some of my divinity with them to make it even easier, because she did this."
"Then why take my brother?" Talin demanded.
Zeal shoved a hand over his mouth. "Because he was the kind of man to die young. A duel, a drunken accident, or something else. He was a weak baron, but a way for me to reach the one person who could make all of these pieces fall together for your family. Tath was the excuse I needed for Maela to save the Ranndors. He had to marry her. She had to meet Yamina. I just expected them all to be older before I could make this work." Zeal paused, and I watched as his jaw clenched. "And Tath touched Nari. He fucking tried to take what is ours, Talin. He - " The god stopped hard. "He made me angry."
Talin just nodded his head slowly. "Ok." Then he looked at me, and then back. "I know that feeling. What I don't know is this." He patted his chest. "Zeal, I don't know what I feel. I don't know what I'm supposed to think. I don't know how to fucking do this, and I need time. I need... something!" He paused to suck in a trembling breath. "I deserve to grieve. I can't figure out how I fucking feel about this, and that has to come first. Just... I need space."
Then, without warning, he turned and walked off. I tried to follow, but Wraythe clasped my shoulder, holding me in place. I paused, wanting nothing more than to follow, when Anver touched my arm and caught my eye.
"I got this," he promised. "Wraythe?"
"No one will touch her," Wraythe promised, which was all it took for Anver to jog after Talin.
And while I hated seeing him go, I also understood what Talin was saying. This was a lot. For him, it had to be even more. His sister was the baron, and she was barely eighteen. His brother was dead, his mother hated me, and his entire family felt like it was falling apart. Worse, the god he worshipped was the reason why, and he couldn't tell them about it.
I knew my mind was spinning, but I clung to one single thing. Zeal was a god. He did things for reasons bigger than us, and he'd never asked me to like it. He'd simply asked me to help him save his family, and in exchange he would save mine. The question was whether this moment would be the beginning of new things, or the end of our hopes.
"He'll figure it out," Ela promised. "This is just how Talin works."
"I ruined everything," Zeal grumbled. "Fuck!"
"Hey," I soothed, "you didn't. You fixed some things, and not even gods are perfect."
"Perfect?" he asked, shoving his hand over his hair in frustration. "Why do you forgive me? Why do you let me hurt you like this? Or hurt him? Can't you see, Nari? I'm not a kind god."
"No, but you'remygod," I snapped at him, the words hard enough to shock him into paying attention. "You are the god I pray to. You're the one who asked for my consent. It isn't your fault that I don't always like things. You are trying, and we are too. Plus, no matter how hard it is, you did the right fucking thing, ok?"
"But did I?" Zeal asked. "Or did I ruin it all?"
"At least you tried," I decided. "You made an effort to believe in us. You took a risk, and when I surrendered myself to you, I never asked for this to be perfect. I asked for my family, the exact same way you wanted yours. That is why I surrendered. That is why Ikeepsurrendering to you, Zeal, just like I am now."
"Then stop!" he roared. "I take it back. All of it. I don't want you five to be my pets, or puppets, or even my tools. I want more. I want partners." He looked at Wraythe. "I want friends." Then to Ela. "I want lovers!" And finally back to me. "I want something I never thought was possible, and there is no surrender in equality, Nari. Let Talin rage at me. Let him hate me. Hold him when he cries, because I am not the kind of god who will hold it against him, and I deserve everything he's feeling. I'm feeling it with him."
"No, you don't deserve it," I said, stepping in to cup the side of Zeal's face. "You fixed things. You are the kind of god who is just cruel enough to do what is necessary, when it is needed most. That, Zeal, is why I can forgive you, because it makes me think that you will forgive me when I need it."
"Always," he swore. "I just wish it didn't have to be this way."
"There's a reason for gods and a reason for men," I told him. "Zeal, let Talin be a man. You be a god. I am supposed to be the one who will make those things work together. That's why you put this lace on me. Now, I just need you to trust me."
"That," Zeal said, "is why I chose you. Even gods need someone to lean on."
"Then I will keep holding you up," I swore, "because the barony is once again yours. Now, we just need to get your temple back - and I won't quit until we do."
