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Once Saval was done handing out her paperwork, she made her way back towards the front. "Ok, so as you all know, these are your lists of personal limits. Over the winter holidays, you may have experimented on the Darkest Night and found new limits. Maybe you saw something that you would like to try yourself. Our sexual preferences are always growing and evolving. What we are doing here is making sure that each and every one of you learns how to consider your own desires when accepting - or rejecting - a session."
When she reached the front of the room, she leaned her rump back against the front of her desk. "Now, because of the varied nature of these sessions, we cannot go over a general set of lessons that will cover them all. Many of you will be doing displays. Others will be acting as instructors, while some will be the receivers. There will be additional guardians in the halls because of this. I highly recommend that you do not lock the session room doors if you are unsure about your assignment at all."
"So Zeal doesn't have to ride another student?" someone asked.
Saval nodded. "Exactly that. Our god grieves the loss or harm of his priests. I suspect that he won't wait as long before stepping in again if there's another incident, so how about we try to make sure that we're doing this safely?" She looked around the room, making sure everyone agreed, and then continued. "And, just to make sure that we have time to answer all of your questions this week, each of you needs to stop by your scheduler's office this afternoon or evening, as your other classes allow. Tomorrow, we will start focusing on these sessions."
From there, she went on to remind us of the many tricks to ease a nervous patron into the act they wanted. Conversation starters were gone over, along with how a person might take them. I found my mind wandering. Strangely, I wasn't as excited about this session, and it took me most of the class to figure out why.
Because I didn't want to hurt the ones that didn't deserve it. By the very nature of these sessions, the patrons would be innocent to some extent. It was no different than my first session with Osas. He'd wanted to bottom, but he'd been too scared to try. I'd convinced him that it would be ok, then made sure of it, but that sort of thing didn't get me going. It didn't call to this darkness that rolled around inside me.
I got excited about hurting our patrons. I wanted to remind them that we were not toys to use and discard at their convenience. We might be pretty, and maybe that was why our god had picked us, but we were also more than that. My desires leaned more towards punishing the ones who wanted to use us, and less towards chasing yet another orgasm. Well, usually.
When I was with Nari, it was different. It didn't matter if we were loving each other, one of the guys, or someone else. That night with Peyron had been amazing. Even pushing into her session with Tath in his bedroom had excited me. Nothing dangerous had happened, but it never seemed to matter when she was around.
Sure, I could fake it. Yes, I could even get off. Those things weren't the same as being excited for it, though. When Nari was around, I was always excited. I wasn't sure if part of that was me feeding off this bond Zeal had given us, or if it was just her. She was so sensual, reminding me to simply be present in the moment, and it always felt like peace. It was as if working with her made the rest of the world shut the fuck up for just a moment, and I craved that sensation.
But the moment the class was over, Saval's eyes turned on me. "Eladehl? A moment, if you don't mind?"
Fuck. That could not be good. I stood, waiting for Nari and Talin to move first, and felt Wraythe lean in towards my ear.
"We'll wait in the hall with Anver, ok?"
"No, I'm fine," I assured him, glancing back to find his deep green eyes waiting.
"Mhm," he agreed. "And I'll still be waiting in the hall with Anver."
By Zeal, I loved that man. It was enough to make me nod, giving in. When we reached the aisle, they turned one way and I headed in the other, towards Saval's desk. Her eyes jumped over my shoulder, judging the other students around us, and then she waited for me to reach her side before saying anything.
"If I ask you a question," she started, "will you be honest with me?"
That was not what I expected. "Yeah, sure," I agreed.
Her eyes weighed me for a moment as if trying to judge my answer. "Amerlee explained about your vacation. I know that you've had meticulous control for months now, but do you think that incident may have compromised it?"
She meant Tath. "No," I promised. "I think it galvanized it. For the first time, Saval, I'm no longer afraid of what I am."
"But is that more dangerous or less than before?" she countered.
A cruel smile touched my lips. "You know me too well."
"I know the pressure a punisher faces," she clarified. "Ela, if I allow you to be in a session room with a patron who wants to be bound or flogged, can you do it? Can you be gentle enough to not hurt them, but let yourself go enough to give them the experience they request?"
I had to stop and actually think about that. "I don't know," I finally admitted. "Before, it has always depended on the patron and how they treated me. I give them back what they give me."
"And a submissive?" she asked. "Could you actually punish one that doesn't push you the way an instructor would?"
"Too easily," I admitted. "Their weakness annoys me sometimes. Other times, it makes me want to be protective."
"And how do we tell the difference?" she asked. "Ela, I am bringing this up because we have far too many requests for pain sessions, and you are a punisher. It's time to see if you're safe, because if you can't do this without Nari, I'm concerned that the High Priest will refuse your graduation. We both know he's looking for an excuse."
"Wraythe will make sure I can," I told her. "That's why he's bound to me, because he keeps me under control."
"Ok." She reached out to clasp my bicep. "But if at any time you think this might get out of hand, will you promise me that you'll call off the session and come speak to me?"
"What counts as out of hand?" I asked.
She laughed once. "Would a list of limits help?"
