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“I don’t know what happened to you.”
I flinch as she meets my eyes, feeling the chasm between us.
“I know you will never tell me, but one day you will have to trust someone. You can’t fight everyone. I just hope you’ve not pushed me away too much before I see that day.”
“Faye,” I whisper, “I am your friend. You’re supposed to support me—”
“Not blindly,” she interjects before licking her lips and wiping her eyes. “Not when I see you destroying yourself and everything that could be. Being a friend doesn’t mean blind adoration, it means calling you on your shit when you need it. It means trying to help and support you when you need it, but it also means knowing when to leave you when you need to be broken so you can heal better than you did last time. Fuck knows I’m trying to be here for you, babe, but you don’t let me. You don’t make it easy. You’re breaking my heart.”
“I never meant to,” I murmur sadly.
“I know,” she replies softly. “And that’s the worst bit. You are more than a best friend. Babe, you’re my sister. You need to figure out what I am to you and if it’s worth getting hurt for. Until then, you need to leave because I can’t keep hurting myself to help you.”
I stumble back, and she looks away, her lips rolled in as she cries. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, and it’s the truth. I am. I turn away, doing what she asked. It’s for the best. She deserves better than me. She deserves a true friend, not this broken piece of shit. I gave her every part of me I could, but it’s not enough.
I’m never enough.
I leave the same way I came, my heart smashed and hurting. The pieces slice into my soul, reopening old scars, and the rot seeps through my veins as I get into my car. I look back up at her window to see her there. She watches me briefly before turning away.
Revving the engine, I leave before I hurt her more than I already have. But it’s only in losing her when I truly realise just how much she means to me.
I need her.
I drive and drive, but I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. Faye’s accusations and Bray’s words ring through my head. I know better than to let people close, to let them in, but I couldn’t help it. Faye was an unexpected variable.
She became my home.
And now that she’s gone, I don’t know what to do.
My world is crumbling around me, so I go to the one place I know—work. Allegra takes one look at me when I walk into the dressing room and calls us both in sick. When she grabs me and puts me in her car, I don’t protest, I don’t even speak, not wanting to let the pain lingering within me out like a cloud of decay I always seem to carry around.
I always hurt those I love. I should know better by now.
She calls Lexi on the way, and she takes me to her house without a word. Allegra doesn’t ask what’s wrong, nor does she demand words. She’s just there for me, letting me into her flat and getting me comfortable on the sofa before grabbing a bottle and handing it over. I take a swig, coughing at the strength of the booze, but it frees my tongue as I watch her sit on the coffee table before me.
“Why?” I ask.
“I know what a broken heart looks like,” is all she says, and then she grabs the bottle and takes a drink. “Want to talk about it?”
“Not really. It’s not a broken heart, I guess. I just had a huge fight with my best friend. I think I lost her.”
“Blair…” Allegra sighs, handing me the bottle. “Friends can break your heart too, sometimes deeper than even a lover, because you expect them to always be there and have your back, and when it ends... it’s like grieving a loved one.”
She’s right, that’s exactly what it feels like, but if it hurts so much, is it really the right thing? Did I fuck up by pushing away the only person who truly didn’t deserve it? Faye has done nothing but be there for me. I never made it easy for her, yet she never gave up on me, but did I on her? Did I let my past stop me from seeing what’s right in front of me?
The family I always needed?
Lexi turns up moments later, and together, they cheer me up. They drink, and we watch a film. I’m quiet the whole time, thinking over her words, but they are here for me nonetheless, asking for nothing in return. Isn’t that what friends do?
That’s when I realise I’ve been running for so long I forgot how to stop.
I have friends, I have a family, and I have a chance to be happy.
Can I really let that slip by because of fear? I pride myself on being strong, but sometimes you have to be weak.
Just then my phone sounds. I hastily pull it from my pocket, hoping it’s Faye, but it’s Asher. I slump as I open it, expecting another incredible drawing or photograph, but it’s a simple text. I can feel the urgency in it, however, and that has me sitting upright instantly.
Asher:Come home.
I don’t know what’s wrong, but I know they need me. Without a second thought, without wondering why I care so much, I say goodbye, thanking Allegra and Lexi for being there for me, and promise to text them later before I grab a taxi... home.
My stepbrothers need me. I don’t know what for, but I can’t run any longer.
It’s time I faced the truth.
It’s time I forgave myself.
It’s time I gave myself a chance.
