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Chapter Twenty Seven
Blair
There is a strange truce, a peace, in the air between us.
Cyrus doesn’t snarl at me, but it could be the post sex glow. He doesn’t speak, but he doesn’t threaten to kill me, so that’s always good. Asher hums as he lies with his head on my lap as he draws, his tongue caught in his lips in concentration, while Bray does sit-ups near the TV as I watch. It’s almost relaxing.
I hate it. It’s like I’m waiting for the fight, the judgement. They have to know I slept with Cyrus… yet they have said nothing.
Bray slept in my bed all night again, just slept and held me, keeping my demons at bay with his touch alone. I thought the other night might have been a fluke, but I had no nightmares last night, and for the first time in a year I feel… rested. I’m fully awake and aware, not like a ghost wandering around in a constant state of tiredness.
I woke up before Bray and showered and dressed and came in here. Asher made me breakfast, and we ate together before the others slowly trickled in, and now they are acting like it’s no problem I’m here. Cyrus scrolls through his phone, his arm draping across the back of the sofa as his fingers touch my hair. He freezes before relaxing, and without looking at me, he starts to twiddle the ends as if he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it.
I feel like I’m in the fucking twilight zone.
Since I got here, we have been fighting, flirting, or causing chaos. This peace is weird. It makes me want to start shit just to see their reaction, but then Faye’s words come back to me, reminding me I destroy things so I don’t get hurt. I don’t want to do that. I really don’t, and I know if I stay, I will. Years of trauma and experience fuel me until the urge is so strong I jump up.
“I gotta go, see you later,” I blurt before I grab my bag and keys. They watch me with confusion.
Asher sits up with a frown. “Go where?” he asks, but I’m already gone.
They are too much, too consuming. I know I promised to give it a chance, but I feel their eyes on me. They know I fucked Cyrus, know I slept with Bray. They see too much, know too much, and I can’t breathe, so I get the fuck out of there before I hurt them or worse… I let them in and they see every fucked up piece of me. Bray is already getting close, pulling back layer after layer, and even Cyrus and Asher… Asher is so sweet, he sneaks past my walls without me even noticing.
I don’t know if I’m ready for that, but I feel like I have no choice. They aren’t giving me one.
I need to forget, for just a moment, the way Faye cried, the way Cyrus tasted, touched me, and fucked me, and the way Bray’s arms felt as I slept without nightmares for the first time ever. And then there’s the way I felt when I found Asher’s drawing…
I just need to forget, to numb my brain from all the worry, fear, and pain. After tonight, I’ll try, really try, to let people in and let them close. I’ll try to patch things up with Faye, if she’ll let me, and I’ll do right by her this time. I’ll not even push my infuriatingly sexy stepbrothers away if that’s what they want. I’ll be a better friend to Allegra and Lexi. Most of all, I’ll be kinder to myself. I’ll forgive myself because it wasn’t my fault.
It took all this time to admit it, but what happened wasn’t my fault. It was tragic, horrendous, and will scar me for life, but I was not to blame for it. It’s time I let that sink in, time I let it stop controlling me. There are bad people in this world and a lot of fucked up shit happens, but I cannot be responsible for others’ actions. All I need to worry about are my own.
It’s only early afternoon after Bray and I slept in, though, so there aren’t any parties or anywhere for me to go. I pull up and search my socials for all the people who have added me since I moved here, looking for anything to do. I find it on Walker’s. There’s a car meet and BBQ happening not too far away, and it looks like there are a lot of people there, people I recognise, and booze. I even open my texts to hit up Faye before closing the app, locking my phone, and tossing it away. She wants time from me, and I’ll give her that. I’ll give myself that.
I find the place easily enough and park towards the back with a row of pimped out Subarus, which makes me snort. The owners are showing them off, revving their engines and flicking on their LED lights as a group of men drink beer and watch. They spot me, admiring my car, and then look shocked when a woman gets out. I wink before locking it and walking away. There are groups of people lying on the grass, some sitting on coats and blankets, others eating and drinking. There are even some in a river, swimming and having fun. Behind us are trees, blocking off the field and river, the sun shining down on us.
To the left is an old farmhouse and barn. The house looks old and unkempt, but the barn has clearly been turned into a hangout spot. There are lights strung across the beams, and the huge barn door is pushed open so I can see inside. Some of the stalls have been ripped out and turned over to make a bar and beer pong area. There are porta potties at the back, some kegs, and hay still covering the floor.
It’s cute and different than all the rich boy parties I’ve been to. It’s more low key and less about money, which is probably why I don’t spot a lot of the rich girls from the city here with their teetering heels. It’s mainly a lot of guys and some of the chill girls I’ve met. I spot Walker dive-bombing the water and smirk as I head over to one of the freezer chests. I pull a Bud, crack off the cap, and down some of the cool bottle. The condensation drips down my hand as I close my eyes and tip my head back, breathing for a minute. There’s no one here with expectations of me, no one picking me apart or trying to make me reveal all my dark secrets. I’m just me.
Maybe some may find that sad or lonely, but honestly, everyone needs to relax and forget every now and again, to just be a stranger in a crowd with no expectations or concerns. Sometimes it’s nice to not have to be… you.
But then my world comes crashing down around me as reality sets in. I wipe my mouth and search the crowd, and I catch a few looks as people whisper. I can’t be a stranger. Here, I’m the girl who fucked Cyrus’s girlfriend, who starts fights and races cars. Here, I’m the girl they are all curious about, wondering if I’m part of Crew. Chugging the beer, I toss it in the trash and grab another, quickly getting rid of the top as I look around for anyone who’s not staring and whispering. It seems being with the Crew brothers gains you a lot of attention. Before, I could have slipped into the crowd. Some would have known me, but to most, I was forgettable. Now I stand out, now they stare, watching and wondering. I even see one person taking a picture, and I frown, wondering if it’s to send to Cyrus or their group chat.
Turning away, I genuinely smile when I see Walker climbing from the water. He shakes off his hair and runs a towel over his chest, then his eyes meet mine and his lips quirk up. He was good in bed, that’s for sure, but he also feels safe. Nice. He wanders over, flashing his straight white teeth in a smile.
“Fancy seeing you here. I figured those Crew boys would have you tied up somewhere.”
“How did you know?” I gasp. “Don’t worry, I broke the zip ties and made a run for it.”
“Well, if anyone could, it’s you,” he jokes. “I would ask if you want a drink” —he looks at my beer pointedly— “but it seems like you’re sorted.”
“I made myself at home.” I toast and take a swig.
“Good, it’s pretty chilly here, if you haven’t guessed.”
“What, no snobby rich girls in designer dresses and heels?”
“Nope. Just water, sex, and a good time.” He laughs. “It’s not all rich parties like you’ve seen. I don’t even usually go to them, but my sister made me.” He grins wider. “But you know her pretty well, I’m guessing.”
